You Wouldn't Understand WolfStar Fanfiction
by sarbearrxx
Summary: This is written from a roleplay and is rated M due to explicit terminology and adult themes. Later in their sixth year, Remus refuses to go to a Gryffindor party even though the house just won the House Cup.
1. Chapter 1

Remus laid on his bed, reading as usual. Gryffindor had just won the House Cup, and everyone was ecstatic, drinking and having fun. Remus, however, was never one to party, and knew he wouldn't be able to tolerate watching a drunken Sirius flirt with every girl, Gryffindor or otherwise, in the room. He hardly noticed when the door to the room the four Marauders shared was pushed open.

Sirius fell backward through the dormitory door with a girl in his arms whose name he had forgotten almost immediately after she told him, about five minutes earlier. Their lips were locked and Sirius managed to steady himself on a cabinet before they landed in a pile on the floor.  
"I think we'd prefer a bed, wouldn't we?" he leered at the lanky blonde girl, once they'd disconnected, and proceeded to pull her toward the closest, which happened to be Remus'.

"Out," Remus snapped, moving the book up to cover his reddening face.  
He read the same line over and over, not even focused on the literature anymore.

"Merlin's-!" Sirius jumped and spun around before he landed on top of Remus. He clutched his chest and frowned at his friend, nose buried in a book as usual, and tried to reclaim his cool. He pulled whatsherface closer by the hip and snatched the book out of Remus' hand pointedly.  
"Moony, bedrooms are for bedroom activities And myself and- ...well, that is precisely what _we _intend to get up to, so, if anybody is 'out'ing, it's you!" and he tossed Remus' book over his shoulder.

Remus stood slowly. He'd had enough.  
"Padfoot, you listen and you listen well. I am not going to be walked all over while you commandeer this room. I will also not allow you to screw her when you don't even know her name. This is my room, too, and if I want to enjoy an evening of reading, I will. Oh, and if you think I'm doing your Potions homework for you, you're _dead fucking wrong_," he was nearly yelling by the time he was done talking, and as soon as he was done, he shoved past the taller and grabbed his book, then walked to the door.  
"I'm not leaving because you told me to, I'm leaving because the sight of you _sickens_ me and I cannot tolerate you for any longer!" He took off down the stairs, the door slamming behind him.

Sirius' eyes grew wider with each word Remus snapped at him, until his mouth was hanging open and his arm had fallen from around his lady friend's waist. He stood, stunned, as Remus pushed his way past and out of the dorm before he zoned back in, considerably more sober than he'd been when he entered.  
"I know you're name," Sirius attempted to assure the girl, who was pulling a face that Sirius was all too familiar with. It was the I'm-going-to-slap-you-in-a-minute face.  
He wracked his brain for her name in hopes to avoid her wrath. "J...enny?"  
She did not slap him, but folded her arms and snapped at him, "Are we going to do this or what?"  
He glanced at the door and sighed. "I'm afraid my answer will have to be 'or what'," and he ran back out of the dorm, searching the crowded common room for Remus' head.

Remus wiped at his eyes, pushing through the crowd. He saw James, but avoided him, even when they made eye contact. He just shook his head and made his way through the portrait hole, for once not caring that he would be out after curfew. He rounded a corner and threw himself to the floor, leaning heavily against a wall and wiping at his eyes. He rubbed his eye furiously, trying to stop the salty liquid coming from them. He didn't even know why he was crying; he was angry.

Sirius darted down the stairs and into the fray of people, grabbing James' shoulder when he passed.  
"Hey, have you seen Moony in the past five seconds?" he shouted over the music.  
James pointed to the portrait hole and raised an eyebrow. "What did you do to him not? He was perfectly fine reading his books, you prick."  
"Fuck off, Prongs," Sirius gave a weak smile and pushed on toward the portrait hole.  
He heard James shout after him about curfew as he left, but he really couldn't care less. Out in the corridor, Sirius paused and took in all of the directions Remus could have gone in, sighing and muttering a 'fuck' to himself, unaware that he simply needed to turn around.

Remus took a shaky breath and stopped his tears finally, wiping his face clean and curling into a ball. He picked up his book again, bringing it close to his face so he could read. He pressed his back against the wall quietly.

Sirius, sans Marauder's Map, turned to head down the corridor to his left and realised he was stood beside Remus, curled tight against the wall and covering his face with a book. Sirius stared at the sight for a moment and then crouched beside him, putting a hand on the top of his book and lowering it so that his face would come into Remus' view.  
"You blew up a bit back there. Time of the month?" he smirked slightly, hopefully.

Remus' eyes burned with anger. "You've got a lot of nerve, Black," he said, venom dripping from his voice. He pulled his book away from Sirius' hand and turned away, lifting his chin stubbornly.

Alright, so humour wasn't going to cut it. Sirius dropped the smirk and chewed his lip.  
"Alright, what's this about? I've brought plenty of girls back to the dorm and you've never kicked up this much of a fuss!" he frowned, disliking the way Remus called him 'Black' like they were strangers.  
"Is it because I threw the book? Because it was just a library one, and it can be fixed. I'm sorry about the book."  
Remus turned away, but Sirius huffed and grabbed his arm to get his attention. "I said I'm sorry about the book, alright?"

"It's not about the fucking _book_, Black. That was the straw that broke the camel's back. I'm so _done_ with you being such a...such a drunken _slut_. You have no idea what it's like when..." he trailed off and shook his head, ripping out of Sirius' grasp and standing up.

Sirius let go of his arm in the face of Remus' outburst and narrowed his eyes, scowling at him.  
"Oh, fuck off, Moony!" he growled, and stood up with him, so he could continue.  
"Just because you're a fucking nun!" No idea when what? When you have to watch the rest of us having fun? Because you _choose_ to leave yourself out. That's not my fault!"

Remus' lower lip trembled dangerously.  
"When all I want is-is...I just can't even tell you, Padfoot! I don't choose to leave myself out, I remove myself from situations that cause me emotional pain!"  
He held his book tightly against his chest, his knuckled turning white.

Sirius had opened his mouth to respond, but couldn't quite continue his attack. His voice lost its urgency, but his brow stayed furrowed in anger and confusion.  
"What emotional pain? What are you even talking about? You can't flip shit at me and then not explain!"

Remus shook his head, taking a step back.  
"You wouldn't understand no matter how hard I tried," he whispered. He dropped his gaze to the ground and started back toward the common room.

Sirius sighed, the anger almost completely draining away as he looked at his best friend. He caught Remus' arm as he passed and stopped him.  
"Moony," he tilted his head to look into Remus' eyes, hidden behind his shaggy fringe. "Seriously... if you don't tell me what's wrong, I can't be sorry for it. I _want _to be sorry for it."

Remus shook his head.  
"If you bothered to pay attention to what goes on around you, you'd realize what I'm feeling," he whispered. "It's taken me this long to tell James,, and it doesn't even directly affect him. I can't just up and tell you."

"I pay attention-!" he began to protest and then stopped himself, knowing now wasn't the time to start that kind of argument.  
He shook his head and stepped back, shrugging, defeated. "So I'm a bad friend. I don't know what you're feeling. Well, what more can I do without you telling me? I'm not a mind reader, Remus!"

"I'm not asking you to be a mind reader, Sirius, I'm asking you to understand that I'm not ready to tell you what I have to tell you yet, not until I know for sure, at least!" Remus was visibly shaking now, his hands vibrating against the book in his clutch. His heart beat erratically in his ears.

"God! You're so-!" Sirius raised his hands to his hair and tugged frustratedly. "Honestly, Moony, sometimes I just want to fucking shake you!"  
He turned to the Fat Lady and muttered the password.  
"I try- I try really hard to be your best friend. I _want _you to be involved, and you pull away so fucking hard. I don't know what more I can do!"

Remus took a deep breath, not replying because he knew it was best. He allowed the book to finally slip through his fingers, and he slid back to the ground slowly, appearing to be melting. He leaned back against the wall.  
"I don't want to fight anymore," he whispered, and almost hoped James would tell Sirius if he asked.

Sirius stormed back into the party, not making eye contact with anyone and pushing off a fourth year who he'd been flirting with earlier in the evening to make his way over to James. The other Marauder was sat in the corner of the room, entertaining a bunch of girls, with Peter as his wing man. Sirius grabbed him by the shoulder when he approached and tugged him off the back of the couch where he'd been perched, to drag him up to the dormitory.  
"I need to talk to you!" he shouted over the din in reply to James' protest.

"Okay, Padfoot, get on with it then, some of us are trying to enjoy a celebration!" he said. "What the hell did you do to Remus, anyway? He looked miserable when he left."

Once inside the dorm, Sirius released James and turned to him. The drunken excitement he'd entered the room on not twenty minutes earlier was completely gone and he leveled his best friend with a serious gaze.  
"That's exactly what I want to know. What did I do to him? Because apparently _you_ know, and you're going to tell me. Right now."

James shook his head. "It really isn't my place, Sirius..." he said, biting his lip nervously. "It's a very...personal thing."

Sirius squinted confusedly at James.  
"What?" he squeezed his eyes shut momentarily to try and ease the throb that had begun in his head at the tediousness of the conversation. "You _know,_ so _tell me_!"

James shook his head, looking down.  
"He's gay, Sirius, okay? Remus is gay, and you have no idea how much it hurts him to see you bringing girl after girl through here," he said quietly, reaching for the door slowly.

Sirius' stomach bottomed out at the words and he couldn't find anything remotely articulate to say. He stood and stared at James, even as he moved to leave. He took the moment to think about it- _Just because you're a fucking nun!_- and realisation slept over him. Sirius closed his eyes and sighed.  
"James, wait."

James stepped forward again, lifting a finger, whispering urgently.  
"Sirius, I swear to Merlin, if you hurt him, I will murder you."  
He didn't realize that Remus had slipped into the room behind him and taken toward his bed, grabbing something from under his blanket and running from the room.

"Well, then you'd better kill me right now!" Sirius snapped back. "_You_ saw him; I've already fucking hurt him, James, and there's nothing I can do about it now. What was I supposed to do, anyway? I didn't know!" He moved over to the closest bed and collapsed down onto it, resting his head in his hands. "...I didn't know."

James swallowed, glancing at Remus as he passed. When Sirius spoke, he only shook his head. "This is why I wanted him to tell you when he told me." He sat next to Sirius, putting a hand on his shoulder. "Just...go talk to him. Please. He's already so broken, he doesn't need to lose his best friend."

Sirius raised his head, just as Remus slipped back out of the dorm, missing him entirely. "Probably be better of without me." He scoffed and shook his head, before turning to James. "Am I a bad friend? I mean, did you _know_ before he told you? Was it something I should have noticed?"

"Other than him ignoring literally every girl I know, no, there were no...signs. You aren't a bad friend, Sirius, please just go talk to him. I don't even want to think about what he'd do..." James' voice faded off a bit. "Please just go talk to him."

"I thought that was just a Moony thing, that he wanted to focus on his education." Sirius shrugged, realizing now that James was helping lay it all out, that it probably _should_ have been kind of obvious. "Alright, alright," he got to his feet and ran a hand back through his hair before steeling himself and looking at the door. "I'm going."  
And with that, Sirius yanked open the dormitory door and descended the staircase, pushing through the party where he knew Remus wouldn't be, and out of the portrait hole onto the seventh floor corridor again.

James gave a soft smile but didn't utter another word, just followed Sirius into the common room.

Remus sat on a staircase leading down to the sixth floor, sighing softly and twisting his hair between two fingers. Performing simple wandless magic, he levitated a leaf sitting on the step below him.

Sirius scoured the length of the immediate corridor before he decided to head down a floor. He'd spend the whole night searching the castle if he had to, curfew or no. Luckily, he'd only just began descending the staircase when he spotted Remus near the bottom.  
Sirius stopped on the step below and sat down, watching the leaf levitate in silence for moment and trying to find a way to begin. "Filch will kill us if he catches us," he mentioned quietly. "_And_you're a Prefect. That wouldn't look good."

"Prefects are allowed to be out of bed at night. Pranksters, on the other hand, are not. I'd hate to have to take points from Gryffindor," Remus replied. His voice was void of emotion and stronger than his usually soft-spoken demeanor; less involved.

"According to Filch, _nobody_ is allowed to be out of bed at night," he added, sure that Remus was aware of how the caretaker would care less about the Prefect title if he found two of the Marauders on the staircase at that time of night. Another silence stretched out between them, as Remus gave him the cold shoulder and Sirius still struggled with finding a way to begin.  
"Look, Moony," Sirius finally began, reaching out to carefully pluck the leaf from the air so as not to distract from his words. "I'm really sorry."

Remus glared at Sirius. "You're sorry? Really? I find that difficult to believe, Black," he responded. He didn't want to speak to him respectfully or affectionately, and therefore avoided his name and nickname. "You just don't get it. You don't understand how it feels, and I'm too tired to explain it."

"I don't need you to explain it," Sirius assured him, moving up onto the step to beside him. "I kind of, I got James to- I mean, you told me that James knew, so I made him tell me." Sirius realised mid-way through saying it that it had the potential to get him into more trouble with Remus, but banked on the other boy's exhaustion to pull him through without an argument.  
"And I get it now. I might not understand how you're feeling, but I kind of..." he sighed down at his knees. "I understand why you're angry at me. And I'm sorry."

"Seriously, please just stop talking," Remus muttered, putting his head in his hands. He waited for Sirius to ask why, stifling another outburst and pushing away his tears. He was too tired to deal with Sirius, and he'd talk to James about keeping secrets in the morning.

Sirius stared at the side of Remus' head, praying for the solution. Remus hated him right now, and he hated himself for whatever he'd done to make it that way.  
Not wanting to worsen the situation, Sirius closed his mouth and nodded. Tentatively, he raised a hand and put it on Remus' shoulder, wanting it to be comforting but bracing for the possible rejection.

"Stop it," Remus whispered weakly, staring at the stairs below him. "Please just stop." A single tear rolled down his cheek, landing on his arm. He closed his eyes, visibly shaking.

Sirius slid his hand away on request and looked away when he saw that Remus was crying. He warred with the decision to leave and hurt him, or stay and hurt him, and decided to get an opinion on the matter. "Do you want me to leave?"

Remus leaned forward, resting his face against his forearms. "Do whatever you want," he muttered bitterly. "It's what you're going to do anyway." He didn't dare look at Sirius. He was just too fucking _attractive_. Remus couldn't stay mad if he looked at him, so he didn't look at him.

Sirius nodded resentfully at the comment, and then shook his head incredulously. "I don't know what you want from me, Remus. I can't work it out!" he gritted out, frustrated. "You- you love me? You hate me? Should I stay? Leave? Say sorry? _Not give a shit_?" He let out a shaky breath, frowning. "I don't know what you're feeling! And I can't fix it if I don't know!"

"Maybe if you weren't so fucking attractive that I couldn't even look at you, this wouldn't be so difficult for me!" Remus exclaimed, then clapped his hand over his mouth and buried his face in his hands in embarrassment. _He'll hate you forever for that one, Moony, nice one_ he thought angrily at himself.

Sirius watched, wide eyed, as Remus clamped a hand over his mouth and felt the inappropriate urge to laugh overwhelm him. It bubbled up from his chest and the smile tugged at the corner of his mouth.

It was quite a compliment and it had sounded so strange coming from Remus. He barked out a laugh and pressed the fingers of one hand to his own lips.

"I'm sorry," he muttered quickly, trying to regain his somber composure and putting a hand on Remus' shoulder to urge him to lift his head. "Moony."

"_No_," Remus muttered. "I did not just say that. Forget that happened. It's gone. Never happened." He kept his face in his hands, leaning down so his hands rested on his knees. It was times like this where he wished he could accio James' invisibility cloak or apparate inside Hogwarts. His cheeks and even the tips of his ears were bright red with embarrassment.

"Gone. Never happened." Sirius agreed, still tugging gently at Remus' shoulder to urge him to lift his head. "Moony, c'mon. Would you please just look at me?"

"I can't," Remus said miserably, keeping his face in his hands. "I don't know why you're even still here."

"Because we're friends," Sirius said firmly. "I'm your friend, Moony. In case you hadn't realized from all of the apologizing."

"Sirius, I know we're friends, and you have no idea how thankful I am for that. However, I can't handle it anymore. I just...I can't even...it's literally painful for me to have to live with you because I'm attracted to you."

Sirius began to withdraw his hand again, hurt at the thought that Remus was in so much pain because of him, but changed his mind almost immediately and buried a hand between the folds of Remus' body, curled on the step beside him, and took hold of his face. Sirius pulled gently until Remus was facing him, if not completely looking him in the eye.

"Moony, look at me," he said, his thumb touching the bottom of the longest scar where it tapered off at Remus' chin.

Sirius knew he could give him what he wanted right now; just lean in a little and their lips would meet in a great sigh of relief, but he just frowned instead.

"What would you have me do? I can't- you can't put this pressure on me, Moony. I mean, I won't pretend I've never thought about it before, if only really, really briefly, but I can't do anything right now that wouldn't seem insensitive o-or like I was just _pacifying you."_

Remus slipped his arms around Sirius and hugged him gently, briefly. So briefly. He sat back again, forcing himself to look Sirius in the eye. "I don't want you to do anything you'll regret just to make me feel better," he said, dropping his hands into his lap. "Honestly." He shifted back a bit, leaning against the railing.

"That's what I mean," Sirius pressed on, relieved that Remus was finally facing him. "You'd think I was just doing it to make you feel better and regret it afterwards."

Remus sighed softly, looking down for a moment to gather the courage to speak. "I don't want you to feel like you have to act on how I feel just because I get upset," he said, slowly returning his gaze to Sirius. "Don't worry about it."

"You see?" Sirius said, a little too loudly, frustration rising in him again. "You're making it difficult! It's like you don't _want_ to be happy! Even if I told you right now that I really, really wanted to kiss you, you still wouldn't be able to trust that I'd pull away and not regret it afterwards, wouldn't you?" The urge Sirius felt from earlier, to shake Remus, rose in him again and he rubbed a hand over his face.

Remus looked down, closing his eyes. "I'm sorry," he murmured, twisting his hands in his lap.

"Fuck it!" Sirius muttered, dissatisfied with Remus' response, and grabbed the other boy by the collar of his shirt, pulling him forward until their mouths connected. He squeezed his eyes shut as he pressed a forceful kiss Remus' lips, and hoped to Merlin that he wouldn't get punched in the nose for it.  
He knew it was exactly what he'd been trying to avoid, and he'd had it confirmed that Remus wouldn't believe he was doing it of his own desire, but he couldn't care less in that brief moment of time. All he knew was the strange feeling that washed over him as he breathed Remus in and the small voice in the back of his head that quietly said _Oh._


	2. Chapter 2

Remus blinked in shock before closing his eyes, returning the kiss after a moment's hesitation. He pressed his hands against Sirius' chest, trying to keep himself up. He felt his muscles turning to jelly and slowly pulled back, breaking their lip contact despite his intense desire not to.

Sirius opened his eyes when they both pulled away, but stayed close to Remus and held one of his hands against his chest. He searched Remus' eyes for some indication of what he was feeling. "Now would you actually believe me if I told you that I don't regret it?" he asked, a wry smile on his lips.

Remus smiled shyly, looking down. "Yes," he whispered, knowing that his cheeks and ears had to be bright red. He bit his lip, looking up at Sirius through his hair.

"This is pretty weird, isn't it?" Sirius admitted suddenly, watching Remus' ears turn pink and smiling. "I mean, not bad weird. Just... strange. For me, anyway."  
He reached up and pushed the hair out of Remus' eyes.

"If you'd have told me I'd be sat on the sixth floor staircase kissing my best friend by the end of the night, I wouldn't have- Well, actually, that does sound like something I'd do, doesn't it?" he joked.

Remus smiled. "Yes, I suppose it is a bit weird...I mean, I'm not exactly the kind to go around kissing my best friend, am I?" he asked, looking up at Sirius. His normally light, white skin was flushed with pink. He bit his lip, looking down again.

"I hope you _are_ the kind to go around kissing your best friend. 'Cause I just found out that _I_ am, so if _you_ turn out not to be, I'll be in a bit of a bloody pickle," Sirius grinned, but it wavered slightly as Remus' look away.

"Are you-? You're not changing your mind, are you?" He asked, worriedly, letting go of Remus' hand just in case. He shifted on the step, uncomfortable with the prospect of rejection after such a large step out of his comfort zone, regardless of him enjoying it immensely.

Remus picked up Sirius' hand again, bringing it into his lap. "I'm not changing my mind, Sirius," he whispered. "I'm sure I can be the kind to go around kissing my best friend." He looked up into his eyes, giving a soft smile.

"Good," Sirius breathed a sigh of relief and leaned in to press a kiss high on Remus' cheekbone, pausing there to speak quietly into his ear. "Because that would have been really awkward." And then he caught the corner of Remus' mouth with his own, turning the other's face into another firm kiss, gentler and longer than the first.

Remus only smiled and kissed him back, leaning into the pressure and slipping his arms around Sirius' neck. He inched closer, feeling his heartbeat quicken.

Sirius placed a hand at Remus' back and the other threaded into his hair as he pulled him closer, making a small noise in the back of his throat as he tipped his head and deepened the kiss. He was surprised at how easy it was to fall in to, how familiar it already felt, not entirely different from kissing a girl; something he'd done plenty of times before, but managing to be something _more_.  
When he pulled away again to catch his breath, Sirius considered Remus from beneath heavy lids. "Woah," he beamed, unable to contain the adrenaline-fueled excitement.

Remus gave a soft moan as Sirius deepened the kiss. He felt his limbs turn to jelly and his muscles liquefy. His hands rested on Sirius' shoulders, and he bit his lip as they separated.

"Damn," he breathed, a dark red blush rising to his cheeks. Of course, he'd kissed girls before- that's what made him _realize_. This was different, though. This was real.

Sirius lets his finger drop beneath Remus' shirt collar, idly. "We should probably go to bed," he mumbled, before catching himself and looking up quickly.  
"I mean- Not together! I meant to _sleep_, in our _own_ beds. Because it's late, and the party has probably turned shit now, anyway..." Sirius closed his eyes as he cringed, wishing he'd not phrased it like that, and then peeked one eye open to see Remus' face.

Remus laughed, covering Sirius' face with his hands for a moment before resting them on his shoulders again.

"Yes, I would like to go to my bed and have you not in it with me, sleeping in our own beds," Remus bit his lip, shaking his head. "

That was a successful way to completely ruin a moment, Padfoot," he said, and smiled up at him.

Sirius covered Remus' hands, nodding. "I'm a professional moment-ruiner. Didn't you know? People hire me out to laugh at funerals and stuff."  
He stood and pulled Remus up with him, pausing before he moved up the steps. "Hey, you called me Padfoot. Does this mean I'm forgiven?"

Remus smiled, looking down as he stood. He kept pace with Sirius, yawning softly. "Yes, you are fully forgiven and granted full rights to speak to me whenever you'd like," he replied, smiling up at Sirius.

"_Whenever_ I like, huh? I'll keep that in mind," Sirius replied, and didn't put any effort into making it sound less suggestive.

When they reached the portrait of the Fat Lady, Sirius turned to Remus, stopping him from going through with a tug at the wrist.

"James probably already knows, you know?" He mentioned, seemingly out of nowhere, and then fell silent for a moment, worrying his lip with his teeth. "But... Are we keeping it quiet?"

Remus smiled a bit. "I know that James knows. You can decide whether you want to keep it quiet or not, I'm fine either way." His light brown eyes searched Sirius' face in the dim light of the corridor.

"No, I mean he probably knows about," Sirius waved a hand back and forth between them. "Well, that _this_ happened. He's got this way of knowing what I'm gonna do before _I've_ even thought about it. It's pretty irritating, actually."  
He fell quiet again, considering how honest Remus was actually being with his indifference to whether they told anybody or not.  
"I'm fine, too, but, I think maybe just for now we should," Sirius shrugged and met Remus' eyes. "Keep it between us?"

"I know he does," Remus smiled, looking down. That was one of the things he liked about James. Remus looked back up again as Sirius continued. "That's probably a good idea, at least for now. Of course...we can't keep it from James, since he has, like, ESP or something."

"Yeah. And we're fine when it comes to Peter; he wouldn't notice even if we were going at it on his bed!" Sirius commented with a bark of laughter, then remembered himself and closed his mouth quickly before something else completely embarrassing and entirely inappropriate fell out. A blush began to rise in his cheeks again and he turned away to give the Fat Lady the password.

Remus blushed and laughed a bit. "The sad part is that you're right; as long as he had food, he wouldn't notice," he whispered, looking up at Sirius.

They entered the commonroom and there were several people still huddled beside the fire, but no sign of any of their immediate friends. James and Peter must have gone up to the dorm, so Sirius jerked his head towards the stairs and set off up to bed.  
When they reached the door of their dormitory, Sirius stopped and turned to Remus.  
"Before we go in, I just want to-" he said sheepishly, and licked his lips before hesitantly leaning in to give a chaste kiss.  
"That's never gonna stop being weird and awesome." He breathed, and touched the corner of Remus' mouth briefly before drawing his hand away and pushing the door open.

Remus touched his own mouth, blushing deeply and smiling. He bit his lip. "You're right," he murmured, smiling still. He ran a hand through his hair, watching Sirius.

"Wotcher, Prongs?" Sirius gave a wry smirk to his friend who was reclined on his bed, still fully dressed with shoes and all. His feet were propped up on one of the posts as he read The Daily Prophet aloud to Peter, who, as usual, was stuffing his face with some Bertie Bott's Beans.  
Sirius moved to his own bed, pulling off his shirt and shimmying out of his trousers, pointedly not glancing toward Remus as he did so, but finding it very difficult.

Remus looked away, walking over to his own bed and undressing to his boxers, then finding his pajamas. He said nothing, avoiding eye contact with anyone.

"Right, well," James sighed suddenly, dropping the newspaper onto Peter's lap and swinging his legs off the bed. "Glad that's sorted, you two. Time for bed, Petey." And he kicked his shoes of and began tugging off his clothes.  
"What's sorted?" Peter asked like a sad, confused puppy as he stumbled towards his own four-poster.  
"Nothing! Goodnight!" Sirius dismissed simply, and flicked James the bird as he slipped into his own bed, all the while with a smirk plastered on his face and a laugh at the surface just aching to get out. "Goodnight, Moony," he said, pointedly, and glanced over to give Remus a small smile.

Remus looked over his shoulder, a smile creeping onto his lips. "Night, Prongs," he said quietly, then sat on his bed. "Goodnight, Padfoot," he said softly, crawling under his blanket before he could blush.

"Goodnight, Peter," he said to himself. "Oh, _goodnight_, Peter! _Thank you_!"  
Sirius let out a bark of laughter and rolled over. "Night, Wormtail, you poor, ignored child."  
"Yeah, shut up, Wormy, we're trying to sleep," James chimed in, tossing a sock over at Peter as he crawled under his covers.  
Once the smaller boy's whinges of protest died down, the four of them settled into sleep, and Sirius didn't stir again untit sunlight poured through the windows and he woke up in exactly the same position.  
"Oh, fuck," he groaned, sitting up and hearing his back crack.


	3. Chapter 3

Remus shifted in his sleep, whimpering softly and curling his knees to his chest. He didn't want to wake up yet; it was a Saturday, so he really had no reason to, anyway.

There was still a slight buzz from the alcohol he'd consumed the night before, but other than that and the aching, Sirius was feeling pretty okay. That was, until he recalled the _event_ that had occurred between himself and a particular Marauder, and began to have a minor freak-out in his bed.  
What was Remus _thinking_? Sirius was the idiotic, trouble-maker who was infuriatingly good at everything he put his hand to with equally infuriating minimal effort. Remus had said that _many_times, and was in a constant state of rolling his eyes at Sirius for those, and many more, things on a daily basis.  
Sirius glanced over at the auburn-haired boy groaning in his sleep and shook his head. "What the fuck?" he whispered to himself.

Remus shifted again as he awakened, and stretched, emitting a small sound as he rubbed his eyes. He sat up a bit, yawning, not awake enough to process yet. As his mind cleared, however, he thought back to the night before. Was he correct in his actions? What was Sirius thinking now? Did he even remember?

Sirius watched, wide-eyed, as Remus shifted and sat up in his bed, and waited until he looked over to give a weak smile. "Hello. I mean- Morning!"  
He could have just closed his eyes and pretended to still be asleep, but that would have been the easy option. He had no idea what was happening to him in the face of Remus Lupin's affections, but it kind of felt like an enormous self-esteem crisis, in which Sirius couldn't actually fathom why the fuck anybody who knew him as well as Remus did, would desire him.  
And as quick as the thought had come to him, Sirius realized how ridiculous that thought was -of course a person would desire him- the question was why did _Remus_? Smart, sensible, collected Remus.

Remus yawned and looked up, lifting his knees to his chest.

"Morning," he said sleepily, stretching again. "How'd you sleep?"

He leaned back against the headboard of his bed, yawning once more and rubbing his eyes with the heel of his palm. Was he absolutely sure of what happened last night? He rested his chin on his knees, sighing softly. Even if he was absolutely sure of what happened the night before, why would Sirius even want anything to do with him? He was just Remus- dependable, homework-doing, conscientious, sensible, boring Remus. Sirius was fun- he was a real person; he enjoyed himself and made the most of things. Remus, on the other hand, tended to be antisocial.

"Fine. Brilliant. Like a baby, really," Sirius almost blurted out, not sure _why_, exactly, it had become so difficult to talk to Remus, but finding that he suddenly couldn't work out what to say. He wanted to be the great person that Remus was clearly under the impression he was - charismatic and witty and smart - but was he really all that smart? Should he have been saying some witty right then? Fuck!  
"Out like a light, I was. Completely dreamless, I just dropped like a log. _Reallyyyyy _great sleeping... Really..." Sirius trailed off, realizing that he'd gotten a little carried away with himself and ended up kind of wishing the bed would open up and swallow him. He gave Remus a nervous smile and hoped he wouldn't pick up on anything from the idiotic rambling.

Remus smiled. "That's good," he said, twisting his hands in his lap awkwardly. It was a bit funny to him- not Sirius' behavior, but how he seemed to try so much harder when he truly didn't need to. Remus certainly hadn't fallen for his witty intellectuality. Not by any means. No, he'd fallen for the honesty in his voice and the laughter in his eyes; the way that he was the complete polar opposite of Remus.

Sirius nodded, satisfied with Remus' answer, and looked around the room as if in search of _any_ topic other than last night. Quickly, however, he realized it was the room that was making him so nervous; the proximity of Peter and James (even if he did know) and the crampness of the dormitory that seemed to make Sirius awkwardly aware of them each in their own beds, and how it would be ever so simple to just share the one instead.  
"Do you want to go for a walk?" He asked, suddenly, returning his gaze to Remus hopefully. Sirius was already climbing out of his bed before Remus could answer, content to roam the grounds alone if the other boy declined.

Remus dragged himself out of bed. "Morning, Prongs," he called before turning to Sirius. "Love to," he replied. He watched Peter for a moment, shifting awkwardly as he watched the boy sleeping soundly in his bed. He was tempted to just be like an ostrich and bury his head in the sand- figuratively, of course. He was suddenly uncomfortable even in his own skin, knowing that James knew. He was even more uncomfortable knowing that Peter didn't know. While all these thoughts coursed through his mind, he changed from his pajamas to normal clothes.

Sirius got dressed hurriedly and stood by the door waiting for Remus.  
"Fancy going down to the lake? I'd like to get out of the castle for a while, if that's alright with you?" He asked, running a hand back through his hair, which was the single, brief daily method of grooming that Sirius practiced. And yet, somehow, it always managed to look good. He tried not to think about how this - to someone in the know, possibly James - could look a lot like a date, albeit a small and unexciting one.

Remus shrugged. "Doesn't matter to me," he murmured, sticking his hands in his pockets. He looked up at Sirius, eyes slightly wide.

Sirius looked back and met Remus' gaze, turning away instantly before he just lunged at him. "Right. C'mon, then," he cleared his throat and led the way out of the dormitory.  
They walked in silence, but for the brief sniff or cough here and there, until they were out of the main entrance and headed down to the lake. Sirius glanced sideways at Remus for the first time since they'd left the room, and noticed how his nose had begun to turn a little red in the slight cold.  
"We kissed," he found himself saying, quite abruptly breaking the silence, apparently ready to broach the subject now.

Remus followed Sirius obediently, not saying a word until he was spoken to for fear of ruining the comfort and safety of silence.

There it is. "Yes, we did," Remus said slowly. He kept his hands in his pockets where it was warm, muttering some incantation to warm his face a bit. He swallowed, not able to look Sirius directly in the eye.

Sirius swallowed, watching Remus from the corner of his eye. "Well, actually, it was _me_ who kissed _you_. At first. You, you know, let me know how you felt. About me. And _I_ kissed _you,_" he informed Remus, in case he hadn't been clear on what had actually occured.

Remus lifted an eyebrow. "I was there, Sirius. I know quite well what happened," he said evenly, removing his hand from his pocket to pull at his bottom lip, almost in a nervous manner. He stared at the Black Lake, still avoiding looking at Sirius in case they accidentally made eye contact.

"Right, yeah. No, I know, I just," Sirius nodded at his shoes. "I think you'll agree, it was sort of an unexpected turn of events, me kissing you."  
He went quiet for a moment and then put a hand on Remus' forearm to stop walking. "I just wanted to clear it up, though, that I... well, I meant it. It wasn't just a thing to do at the time. I may not have been feeling whatever you have for I don't know how long, but... I still wanted it." Sirius reeled at his own words for a moment, the realization only hitting him as he said it to Remus.

Remus ran his tongue along the back of his teeth, expecting to have his heart completely broken. He slowly- so slowly- lifted his chin, keeping his hand in front of his mouth. "I know that," he said softly. His voice held shockingly little emotion, and he'd wiped his face clean of signs of how he was actually feeling at that moment.

Sirius watched Remus, nervously. "Did you hear what I said, Moony?" he asked, not entirely reassured by Remus' reaction, or lack thereof.

"Yes, I heard what you said," he said softly. "We went through a similar conversation last night, did we not?"

Sirius stared at him for a long moment trying to work out if it was Remus' way of saing thanks, but no thanks, and found himself extremely frustrated by the thought.  
"Well, yeah," he pulled his hand back from Remus' arm and frowned, becoming increasingly irritated by his lack of readable response. "Okay, so that's what I have to say on the matter. Your turn."

Remus shrugged. "I told you how I felt last night," he said, looking down again. He closed his eyes, feeling the tips of his ears burn as he rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. "I just..."

"You just what?" Sirius asked, almost desperately. "Remus, you're killing me here."

"I just don't want to get hurt," he whispered.


	4. Chapter 4

Sirius' hands were raised as if he wanted to grab Remus, but was stuck between the decision to shake or embrace him, and his mouth hung open in a stunned expression as if he had just been slapped.  
"By me," he finished for Remus, and looked at his own hands before lowering them. "Moony, I would _never_ intentionally hurt you."

Remus pressed his lips together, closing his eyes. "It's not the intentional I'm worried about. It's the unintentional that makes me concerned," he said softly, and finally looked up at Sirius again. "I know you would never hurt me intentionally."

"What, because I've hurt you in the past?" Sirius snapped. "I didn't _know,_ Moony. You can't punish me for that, and you can't punish me for _potential_ hurt I could cause you. I mean, you _can, _but where will it get you? Where will it get _us_? Just-"  
He gritted his teeth and sighed a breath. "Do you want to do this, or not?"

Remus ran his hand through his hair, ignoring the tears pricking the back of his eyes and swallowing them. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "I want to do this, but I'm making it so damn hard for myself..." He wrapped his arms around himself, closing his eyes. "I don't trust myself not to hurt you, either, and it's just really hard for me to suspend that fear."

There had always been something there with Moony - something small and hardly distinguishable from an alcohol buzz or a high from just hanging out with the Marauders, definitely to somebody who didn't really want to notice it. But in hindsight, Sirius knew it was there, in the way he joked with, and touched, and sometimes looked at Remus, nothing like he did with James or Peter.  
"You are making it hard," Sirius agreed harshly. "Forgive me for thinking you'd, oh, I don't know, crack a fucking smile that I actually feel the same way! Tell me, Moony, do you ever get annoyed with _yourself_ for the way you squeeze all of the excitement out of something by overthinking it? Because I do."

Remus closed his eyes even tighter. "Do you have any idea how hard it is to live inside my head? The constant paranoia, inability to enjoy life. It's fucking annoying, but I have no way to stop it, and if you don't want to deal with it...you may as well leave. Because I'm not going to let you stick around and watch me fall apart. Of course I'm happy as fuck that you're even still talking to me after all the shit that went down last night. And I want to tell you that, or show you somehow, but my over-analytical, ridiculously paranoid mind won't allow me to express what my heart feels!" He took a deep, shaky breath, voice falling to a hardly-audible whisper. "All I want is to be _happy_. With _you_."

"Do you have any idea how hard it is to live _with_ you? Look, I've been coping with your inability to enjoy life for _four years_, Moony," Sirius reached out and curled a hand into the shoulder of Remus' jumper, holding him at arms length so he could look into his face and get the point across. Amusement touched the corner of his mouth as he spoke. "We've been _friends_ for four years. You're a ball of constant paranoia and I'm a reckless idiot, but we're _still_ into each other. So you can stop overthinking that part now. We've just got to get on with it, so would you please just shut up and fucking kiss me already?"

Remus listened to Sirius silently, avoiding eye contact by staring at the other boy's shoulder. He smiled slightly and slipped out from his grip, closing the distance between them and kissing him gently.

Sirius pulled back a little with a satisfied smile. "Can we try not to make a habit of arguing before every kiss?" He asked quickly, before diving back in to claim Remus' mouth.

Remus avoided the kiss, smirking. "Yes, yes we can," he murmured, finally kissing Sirius again. He smiled into the kiss.

Sirius curled an arm around Remus' waist until they were flush up against one another, then reached the other up to tangle in his hair. He realized, as he sighed into another lingering kiss, that they should probably have been aware of someone spotting them, but found it very difficul to care enough to stop.

Remus moved one of his hands up to Sirius' shoulder, pulling away ever so slightly. "Someone could see," he breathed.

"Lucky them," he joked, breathlessly, but loosened his hold on Remus. Sirius stared for a second, caught off guard by the colour of Remus' mouth, kiss-swollen and redder than before, and pressed his mouth up against it one more time. "We could carry on somewhere more secluded?"

Remus could only smile until he was actually asked a question. He looked up at Sirius through the fringe of his hair, biting his lip. "Of course," he breathed.

"You are- You're a proper dark horse under all that, aren't you? I bet you've fucking _dreamed_ of me asking you that," Sirius grinned wickedly at Remus biting his lip. "Where to then? Shrieking Shack?"

"You're awful!" Remus breathed, though he caught his lip in his teeth again. "Shrieking Shack sounds good."

"Your dreams, Moony!" Sirius laughed as he moved away and took Remus by the wrist instead, heading off toward the Whomping Willow.  
"I'm gonna have to go Padfoot to get in," he added, seemingly to himself, as they trekked across the grounds. "You'll have to bring my clothes when you come and try your hardest not to cop a look, you dirty thing!"

Remus blushed furiously. He didn't think like that- did he? He shook his head. "You act as if I've never seen it," Remus pointed out. "You're pretty shameless about walking around, naked as the day you were born." He lifted an eyebrow up at Sirius. "However, I will bring your clothes, if not for your comfort, then for my own," Remus ran a hand through his hair, gaining his confidence.

Sirius chuckled at the truth in Remus' words. "I wondered what you'd been using to tide yourself over all these years. Getting off on watching me change back, eh?" He winked over his shoulder, smirking wildly. "Now I know you're looking I may have just come over all self-conscious!"

"Oh, fuck you, Padfoot," Remus rolled his eyes. "You and I both know I didn't." He was smirking despite his honesty; he didn't do..._that. _It just wasn't something he'd necessarily ever thought about. He looked up at Sirius, waiting for another joke.

"Fuck me, indeed," Sirius retorted quickly with a glint in his eye that Remus possibly could have read something into, but disappeared as they approached the boundary of the willow.

"Alright, well, this is gonna be embarrassing." Sirius sighed, knowing exactly how difficult it was going to be to accomplish something that a creature the size of a mouse usually did. "Any chance at all I could convince you not to watch?"

Remus rolled his eyes at Sirius' comment but bit his tongue. "It will be difficult. You know, since Peter's animagus is about eight inches standing on his hind legs," he said, a bit sarcastically. "I won't watch, promise." He closed his eyes. "See?"

"No shit. Which is why you're going to look away while I get beaten and humiliated by a _tree_. The things I do for you, Moony!" Sirius muttered, pushing Remus by the shoulder until he was facing the other way and then shook himself into Padfoot.  
It took considerably longer than when Wormtail did it, but after a couple of close-calls with the branches and one side swipe to the back leg that Sirius somehow managed not to let take him down, he smacked into the knot and the willow froze.  
The dog gave a short, sharp bark to Remus and stood panting by the entrance to the tunnel.

Remus turned and retrieved Sirius' clothing, then made his way fairly quickly to where he waited. He ducked into the tunnel entrance, knowing Sirius would follow suit.

Sirius nudge Remus' hand with his head as he passed, and moved further into the darkness of the tunnel to change back.  
"Chuck my stuff up here, then we can get a bloody light on" he said hurriedly, teeth beginning to chatter.

Remus did as he was told, rubbing his arms as he was chilled.

Sirius finished getting dressed by pulling his sweater down over his haphazardly buttoned shirt and tugged his wand from his pocket. "Lumos," he muttered, and held his wand arm outstretched toward Remus, grinning when his face came into view. "Alright, I'm decent. For now, anyway."  
Sirius lunged forward and grabbed Remus by the hand to begin stumbling through the tunnel until they reached the entrance beneath the Shrieking Shack, both gasping for breath.


	5. Chapter 5

Remus grinned back, though it quickly changed into a smirk. He followed Sirius, keeping close as they made their way through the tunnel. He stuck his free hand into his pocket, fishing out his wand and whispering, "Lumos," to add to the brightness as they stumbled through the dark passageway. He took a deep breath when they finally reached the Shrieking Shack, not remembering the tunnel ever being that long before.

Sirius pushed at the rotting panel of wood seperating them from the hallway of the shack, and tumbled in on his side, righting himself quickly and grinning back at Remus. "Kind of forgot it was this shabby," he admitted as he glanced around at the dingy, grey wood panelling. "I guess it looks different with dog eyes."

Remus pulled himself through, moving to his feet. "It looks different through a werewolf's eyes as well," he said, giving a halfhearted smile. "Now, where were we, exactly?"

"You tell me," Sirius turned back to focus his attention on Remus, moving closer unhurried. There was something a little bit weird about doing it in the building that was essentially a prison cell for Remus once a month, but Sirius couldn't let it deter him when the other boy smiled crookedly and practically offered himself over like that.

Remus watched Sirius, lifting his chin in an almost beckoning manner. He stuck his hands in his pockets, blinking multiple times. He felt his heart begin to race and bit his lip, smiling slightly.

Sirius planted a hand against Remus' jaw and closed the distance between their mouths, thrilling at the warmth of his tongue as he tilted Remus' head up to deepen the kiss. His other hand curled into a fistful of shirt at the other boy's hip, dragging him closer at the same time as moving forward against the wall, trapping Remus between himself and the rotting wood.  
There was a small thump as Remus met the wall behind him, and Sirius broke away apologetically. "Sorry. Are you-? Is this okay?

Remus kissed back immediately, moving his hands up slowly to Sirius' neck. When he felt his back against the wall, he smiled a bit; however, when Sirius pulled away, he whimpered. "It's fine," he breathed. "Better than fine, actually..." He stopped talking and kissed Sirius again, pulling him slightly closer.

Sirius planted a hand against the wall behind Remus' head and let himself be pulled in, pressing their lower halves together and sighing upon contact. Sirius felt the swell of Remus up against him and broke away to grin. "_Someone's_ enjoying himself," he commented, and rolled his hips teasingly, the result affecting himself as much as it probably did Remus. "Merlin's... _fuck_, Moony!"

Remus tilted his head back, closing his eyes and moaning softly. "You're one to talk," he managed, smirking as he opened his eyes again. One of his hands found the front of Sirius' shirt as Remus kissed his neck.

"Mm- Wasn't there a bed in here?" Sirius asked suddenly in a tone of desperation. "Or did you destroy it in a werewolf rage?"

Sirius had quickly discovered that it was hard to be subtle when you had the object of your affection pressed up against you and kissing your neck, and hoped the question hadn't frightened Remus. With his face currently occupied in the crook of Sirius' neck, it was hard to read his expression.

"I mean, just cause I currently have my hand in something sort of wet, here, which means you'll have it all down your back..." He ran a hand down Remus' back to check and shrugged. "I just think a surface to, you know, recline on, would be nice?"

"Upstairs," Remus breathed, gripping Sirius' shirt. He kept kissing the other boy's neck, taking a step forward and pushing Sirius forward slightly. "There's two..." He looked up at Sirius, eyes filled with some new emotion; a form of deviousness that normally lay dormant within him, but Sirius seemed to spark back to life.

"I think one should be enough," Sirius smirked, stepping back where Remus pushed him. "Show us, then?"

Remus smiled, stepping away reluctantly. He took Sirius by the hand and lead him up the stairs, dodging the most rotten parts and pushing open a wooden door.

"Nice," Sirius barked a laugh at the rickety bed, barely standing against the far wall and then shrugged before going over and dropping down to sit on the edge. "Come here," he beckoned, leaning back on his elbows with a dark grin on his lips.

Remus rolled his eyes. "Better than doing this in our dorm," he pointed out, lowering himself onto the bed next to Sirius and looking up at him.

"Is it though?" Sirius grinned wickedly, before shaking his head and tutting at Remus sitting beside him, and resolving it by grabbing him by the waist and physically pulling him into his lap. Sirius ran his hands up Remus' sides, humming a satisfied noise in the back of his throat as he grabbed his tie to simultaneously pull and lean up to begin kissing again.

Remus moaned softly, pressing his knees against the sides of Sirius' hips. His fingers nimbly removed his own tie, tossing it aside with less care than he ever did anything. He moved his hands to Sirius' neck and leaned down slightly, kissing him passionately.

"_So_... fucking... good..." he breathed between long, drawn-out kisses, sort of a little startled at how easily Remus was going along with all of it and complying to the admittedly dirty thoughts going through Sirius' mind.  
He'd been under the impression that Remus would be somewhat of a harder nut to crack when it came down to this kind of stuff, but then, he _had_ been harboring this for _years_. There had to be a ton of built-up sexual frustration that, Sirius suddenly realized, was about to be unleashed. On him. Right now.  
"...should have done this sooner," Sirius mumbled, beginning to help push the jumper up Remus' torso, stopping momentarily to tug his own over his head quickly and discard it along with Remus' tie.

Remus' breathing was nearly nonexistent, his heart racing frantically as he prayed Sirius wouldn't notice. He slipped his arms out of his jumper and dropped it to the floor, slowly grinding his hips against Sirius'.  
It slowly dawned on him how much he actually wanted this, and it admittedly scared him a little bit. He knew that Sirius knew how far he'd been with anyone, and this was certainly beginning to edge past that. He looked into the other Marauder's eyes, biting his lip as he watched him.

The minute the jumper was gone, Sirius began tugging at the shirt beneath. He caught Remus' intense gaze and kissed him encouragingly, before pulling back and nodding with reassurance. He knew this was more than Moony had done before, but confident in the knowledge that he wanted it, and _really _badly from the way he was rolling his hips, Sirius continued pulling at their clothes.

Remus quickly ran his fingers across the buttons on his shirt, each one parting easily- much to his gracefulness. He allowed the garment to fall, his hands finding Sirius' shirt now as he kissed him somewhat feverishly. The movement of his hips continued, varying in speed. He started on the buttons of Sirius' shirt, getting them to open almost as quickly has his own had.

With both of their shirts removed, Sirius wrapped an arm around Remus' waist and rolled them both until the other boy was on his back. Sirius stood up and pointed at Remus' lower half. "Take your pants off," he demanded, a little breathlessly, as he began unbuttoning his own.

Remus unfastened the front of his pants and arched his back to lift his hips, slipping them past his hips slowly. His thoughts ceased as he focused on making his movements appear calm, and within a few seconds, he had allowed his trousers to fall to the floor. He pushed himself up a bit to rest on his elbows, looking up at Sirius with slightly wide eyes.

Sirius hurriedly stumbled out of his own trousers, kicking off his shoes at the same time, and then just standing before Remus in his boxer briefs, staring down at him in lustful amazement. Numerous scars stretched out over his body, but they were far from repulsive. Sirius felt the overwhelming urge to kiss every one of them, and was genuinely considering it until he caught Remus' watching him with anticipation.  
He bit his lip to hold back a satisfactory grin, and pressed himself between Remus' legs and leaned down onto his elbows to begin planting kisses to Remus' bare neck and shoulders. "You're okay," he meant to ask, but it came out more of a reassurance than a question.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: This bit is a bit naughty in the beginning, much like the last chapter, so just...be aware, guys. **

Remus ran his fingers through his hair as he watched Sirius, biting his lip. As Sirius came closer, Remus felt his fingers begin to shake with anticipation. His heart beat erratically in his chest and his breathing had grown uneven, though he was surprisingly calm. He allowed a quiet, nearly silent moan to slip past his lips as Sirius' lips made contact with his skin. He moved one hand to the back of the other Gryffindor's neck. Finding use of his other hand, Remus rested a hand against Sirius' waist.

Sirius kissed his way up Remus' neck and jaw, returning to his lips as his roaming hands inched closer to the waistband of his boxers. He pulled away and looked down at Remus. "I'm gonna-" he murmured, slipping his fingers beneath the waistband and beginning to tug slightly. "Yeah?"

Remus nodded, his eyes a bit wide. "Yeah," he breathed. Remus pulled Sirius a bit closer, kissing the other boy softly.

Sirius pressed a soft kiss to his lips and then slipped the boxers down over Remus' hips, sitting back on his heels once he'd dropped them to the floor and biting his lip as he raked he took in every inch of his best friend before him. "Well, shit, Moony," Sirius smirked.

Remus blushed, pushing Sirius by the chest gently. "Shut up..." he mumbled, looking up at the ceiling. "Not like I picked it."

"Oh, you'd have picked smaller?" Sirius chuckled, shuffling hurriedly out of his own boxers. "Bit of a burden, is it?" He grinned, and leaned down again to catch Remus' lips between his own.

* * *

Remus laid quietly, his breathing still uneven. He looked at Sirius next to him, feeling his heart race just looking at him. "So..." he said softly, chewing his lip nervously. "Oh, and for the record, no, I wouldn't have picked smaller."

Sirius waited until his breathing had evened out enough to form a response. "No? I'm glad," he replied and then laughed lightly, his nose scrunching up in the way it did when he was embarrassed. He dropped an arm over his face to hide the flush that begun when Remus looked at him.

Remus chuckled, shifting a bit as his breathing returned to normal. "Damn, we should get back soon," he muttered, noticing the placement of the sun in the sky. He looked over at Sirius again and smiled, touching his elbow.

Sirius raised his arm at Remus' touch and glanced out of the window, squinting into the sun that now hung low in its descent. "Shit, we really got carried away, didn't we?"

He bit his lip as he looked up at Remus, rays coming through the dusty windows catching his auburn hair and making them glow. Sirius reached up, catching a strand between his fingers and twirling it. "I mean, that was really..." he trailed off, lacking an appropriate adjective. "You know, 'cause I can't _believe_... how... fucking..." He paused and made a small noise of frustration. "You've apparently fucked my brains out, Moony. Congratulations."

"Perfect," Remus said slowly. "I believe the word you're looking for is perfect. At least, that's how I'd have described it. And good, Mr. I-Can't-Put-A-Sentence-Together-Any-Longer." He leaned over and kissed Sirius lightly. "We'll miss dinner completely if we don't hurry," Remus commented, letting one of his fingers trace the scars on his lower abdomen absentmindedly as he spoke.

"Yeah," Sirius agreed, nodding slowly. "Perfect covers it nicely."  
He sat up, though reluctantly, when Remus mentioned dinner and reached down to fish his clothes from the pile on the floor, pausing when he turned to hand Remus his boxers. "We'll definitely miss it if you don't stop touching yourself like a fucking tease like that. I'll be forced to show you exactly what it's like to be a Mr. Can't-Put-A-Sentence-Together-Anymore!"

"Hm? Oh- sorry. Didn't even realize I was doing that," Remus blushed, taking his boxers from Sirius and dressing quickly. He tightened his belt around his slim hips. Remus stood in front of Sirius and kissed him gently. "I want to go back, but at the same time, I don't..."

"Oh, 'didn't realize', my _arse_," Sirius smirked, zipping up his fly and tugging his shirt back on. He watched Remus dress and couldn't help but replay the part in his head where he'd undressed him earlier.  
"I know what you mean," he sighed in agreement as he pulled his jumper on, completing his attire and moving closer to straighten Remus' tie for him. "But James and Peter'll be going out of their minds trying to work out where we've gotten to, no doubt."

"James will have some pretty good guesses, I'm sure," Remus smiled, fixing the seams of Sirius' jumper. "Well...lets go back," he sighed, stepping toward the door.

Sirius groaned as realisation hit him. "Ugh, I'm gonna have to _talk_ to him about it, aren't I?" He rubbed a hand over his face and then let it drop to his side as he pouted at Remus. "It's going to be weird and uncomfortable, and he'll probably threaten to murder me again."  
Remus stepped to the door and Sirius brushed passed, taking his hand as he did to lead the way back down the rickety staircase.

Remus chuckled lightly. "I'm sure he'll be happy if you leave some things out," he said, "but the murder threat is plausible." He squeezed Sirius' hand, following him down the steps closely.

"Not about _that_," Sirius grimaced at the thought of sitting James down and giving him a play-by-play of exactly what they'd gotten up to in the Shack. "Just, about us."

They reached the entrance of the tunnel and Sirius kicked the planks aside before dropping down into it, pulling his wand out to get a light going while Remus climbed down. Once they started off through the damp, hollowed-out earth, Sirius cleared his throat and carried on. "He did actually say he'd kill me," he chuckled, chancing a sidelong glance at Remus to gauge his reaction. "You know, like, if I hurt you or something."  
He nudged Remus with an elbow and added in a slightly lecherous tone, "Did I hurt you, Moony?"

Remus shrugged, looking down at his feet to see where he was walking. "I know he said he'd kill you. I was in the room, but then I left," he said. Sighing, Remus shook his head and smiled. "No, not really," he said.

Sirius faltered for a moment as he stared at the side of Remus' face, and almost tripped over an exposed root in front of him. He wasn't sure how he felt knowing that Remus heard the conversation he'd had with James, but it hardly mattered now.  
"I said I was sorry, and it's cold enough to just wear a scarf over them!" He smirked over at Remus, and reached out to gently push his collar down so he could see the bruising of teeth marks. "And it's not like you were complaining at the time."

Remus moved his hand to touch his neck, smiling. "I'm not complaining at all," he said. Remus turned his head a bit so he could look at Sirius, pulling his collar back up. "They're not that hard to hide...I mean, I usually cover up much worse after full moon."

"Exactly!" Sirius watched Remus' fingers as he touched his neck and had to resist the urge to press him up against the wall of dirt and kiss him there.  
They reached the end of the tunnel and Sirius muttered 'nox' and pocketed his wand, before scrambling through the hole, making sure to hit the knot on his way out. The willow froze and once Sirius was out, he turned and reached down to help Remus through, which was how he failed to notice the two Marauders stood a few feet away, just out of reach of the great branches of the tree.

Remus notice the others immediately. "Fuck," he muttered, his eyes broadening. "If they ask, we were planning for the full moon Sunday," he whispered. "Y'know, checking the shack and all." Remus stood, wiping his hands on his pants, and fixed his hair as if nothing had been said.

Sirius spun to see what or who Remus was cursing at, and almost jumped out of his skin at the sight of James, watching them with arms folded and a raised eyebrow. "Fucking- _Merlin_, James!"  
He took note of Remus' whisper, and somehow felt the excuse would be wasted. On James, at least. Peter seemed to still be in a state of intense fathoming of what the two of them were doing crawling out from beneath the willow. "Alright, lads?" Sirius asked, cheerfully.

Remus smiled cheerfully. "Hello," he sang, keeping his eyes on James intently. He glanced at Sirius, knowing what James was probably thinking.

"If you two were doing what I think you were doing in there..." James began, grimacing at the thought even as he skirted around it.

Sirius pulled his most innocent '_why, I have no idea what you're implying_' face as he put a hand at Remus' elbow to move them both beyond reach of the willow's branches, which were beginning to creak against their spell. "If you were thinking we were checking the shack's sturdiness and reliability in preparation for the next full moon, then...? _What_, Prongs?"

"Jeez, Prongs, we exclude you once and you get so offended," Remus teased, smiling.

James narrowed his eyes at Remus, though there was amusement in them, and he shook his head. "I'm too hungry for this," he sighed, turning to head back toward the castle, but first throwing Sirius a look that said they'd probably pick back up on the subject again later.  
Sirius quirked a smile at Remus and then jogged off to catch up to James, just as he heard Peter begin to mention something about seeing their names overlapping on the map. He'd let Remus put that little fire out himself, since _he_ wasn't the one who was probably going to have to suffer a_ talk_ later.

Remus fell into step next to Peter, putting his hand on the other boy's shoulder. "How'd you sleep last night, Petey?" he asked, smiling. Remus refused to let on about what he and Sirius had been up to; he'd figure out a reply if Peter asked.

"I had another one of those dreams, like, from Wormtail's perspective? Y'know?" Peter replied, the shack thing already falling out of his thoughts as Remus asked after his wellbeing. "Dead weird. Woke up curled in a ball under my bed."

Sirius caught up to James and fell into step beside him easily. James walked hasilty in the silence, and Sirius sighed loudly to break it. "Oh, c'mon, what's wrong with you?"  
James hardly turned to face him, raising his eyebrows incredulously. "Sirius, you are _not_ gay," he murmured, low so that Remus and Peter couldn't hear from behind, and matter-of-factly, as if it had momentarily slipped Sirius' mind and he had to be reminded.  
Sirius glanced back to check that the other two were out of ear-shot, but moved to walk closer to James just in case.  
"I never said I was," he whispered back, defensively. James finally met his gaze, admonishing and with lips pursed, and it was clear he knew exactly the nature of what had gone on in the Shack. "It's Moony," he added, as if that explained everything.  
James seemed to recoil, and he frowned across as Sirius as if slightly disgusted. "You're not-? Oh, _please_, don't tell me," he hissed, beginning in a low whisper that unintentionally grew louder as he went on. "-that you're doing it just to make him happy, Sirius. Because that is _not_ what I meant when I said don't hurt him. In fact, that's the opposite!"

"Oh, weird," Remus agreed, leading Peter in a wide circle around the two other boys. He ignored them, feeling a foreboding shiver down his spinal column. "Do you remember what happened in it?" Remus' gaze stayed solidly forward, a sigh passing his lips.

"Hey, Moony, is something wrong?" Peter asked, stopping him.

"No, I suppose not, Peter, I've just been a bit unsure lately."

"What about?" he asked, tilting his head to the side.

"It's nothing, Peter, don't worry about it."

"Oh...alright. Shall we go have dinner?" he asked.

"Yeah, that'd be great, Wormy," Remus smiled, walking with him back into the castle.


	7. Chapter 7

Sirius opened his mouth to protest, but James had clamped his mouth shut as Remus and Peter to overtook them, and so did the same until they were out of range again. He had managed to turn his expression into one of horrified disbelief in the meantime, and let out a puff of breath in lieu of words, before shaking his head at James. "Merlin's beard, what do you fucking take me for? I'm not a monster, Prongs! Or an idiot-"  
"Keep your voice down!" James chided in a harsh whisper. "All I mean is- Sirius, you were about to have sex with a _girl literally last night_, and now you're... _with_ Remus. After he declared his love for you. Forgive me for being skeptical of your actions!"  
Sirius flapped his arms in frustration. "Yeah, it happened pretty quick, alright? Kind of hit me like a ton of bricks, but I think I... you know?" Sirius put his tongue to his teeth and tried really hard to say it with James watching him with those judging eyes, and stalled for a minute. But in the end it was the thought of Remus who pulled him through, and he managed to spit it out. "I think I love him! Okay?"  
"We know you love him; like I love him and Peter loves him. But you have to be _in_ love with him, the same way he is with you, otherwise you'll always be hurting him," James replied with a sigh that made Sirius frown.  
He levelled James' gaze, a slight frown furrowing his brow. "I _know_," he said shortly, shoving his hands into his pockets, and stalking away in an attempt to catch the other two up for dinner.

Remus and Peter walked in comfortable silence into the castle. Remus' hands were in his pockets as his now-skeptical eyes roamed the area in front of them. Peter's arms swung by his side casually, oblivious to Remus' emotions as they neared the Great Hall.

Sirius caught up to them just before they reached the entrance to the Great Hall, brushing by Peter wordlessly and striding ahead toward their usual place along the Gryffindor table. James came up behind Peter and Remus a moment later. "Hurry it up, or Pads'll eat all the sausages," he said, trying for casual.

Remus stopped walking, not caring if James bumped into him. "I'm suddenly not hungy," he said. "I'm just going to go to the library." He turned and headed in that direction as Peter continued into the Great Hall and sat next to Sirius.

"Moony!" James sighed, watching him walk away as Peter headed over to Sirius, and stood, torn between them both for a moment. Another glance to the table saw that Sirius hadn't even looked up to acknowledge Peter sitting down beside him, and figuring he'd probably be in that mood for a while longer, James opted instead to go after Remus.  
He gave Remus some distance for a few minutes, walking behind him a couple of steps before calling after him again. "Moony, hold up."

Sirius focused intently on his dinner for a good five minutes before he finally looked sideways at Peter, who hadn't stopped craning his neck back toward the entrance since he'd sat down, searching for James. "He's not _coming_," he snapped, a little harshly.

Peter sighed, looking down. "Sorry..." he murmured.

"I'm not in the mood, Prongs," Remus answered, staring at the library doors approaching. He could feel his heart in his throat, and he could hear his blood in his ears. He sighed, putting his hand on the door handle.

Sirius watched Peter's defeated face and rolled his eyes, irritated. He knew he shouldn't take it out on him and in a swell of guilt Sirius nudged him with an elbow, which, coming from Sirius, was an affectionate gesture even if he did it a little hard. "Eat something. You're scaring me."

"Exactly." James skipped to close the distance between them before Remus disappeared into the library. He put his hand on Remus' arm and turned him so that James could see his face. "What's gotten into you? You seemed fine not ten minutes ago."

Peter put some food on his plate. "Sorry..." he repeated, scooping a mouthful of potato into his mouth.

Remus sighed. "I just need to be alone," he said quietly. "I'm not deaf, by the way. I could hear what you and Padfoot were talking about."

Sirius gritted his teeth and stabbed at the food on his plate. "Would you stop saying sorry all the time?" He dropped the fork to his plate and put his head between his hands as he let out a frustrated noise.

James groaned and let go of Remus' arm, running a hand back through his hair. "I'm just trying to look out for you."

"S-" Peter caught himself and shut his mouth, eating his food in silence.

Remus looked down. "I know, James. I'm sorry," he said, and took a half step back.

James nodded, hoping Remus really did understand his reasons and concerns, hoping that they were clear without him having to say a lot of it. "I'm sorry," he offered, unsure with whom Remus was angry with and clearing his own name just in case.

"Would you please come and eat something, though?"

"You've no reason to be sorry," Remus replied defeatedly. He looked up at James, eyebrows knitted together in a concerned expression. He sighed softly, looking down again. "Fine. But can I have a hug?"

James smirked at the request and began to step forward, raising his arms, but stopped suddenly just to check something. "So... Are we alright, then? Are you alright with me, I mean? You're not angry or upset?"

Remus shook his head. "We're fine, James, I promise," he said, smiling slightly. "You know, I asked for a hug, and you left me hanging..."

"Just checking," he smiled and wrapped his arms around Remus' shoulders, squeezing him once, firmly, before letting go.  
James led the way back toward the Great Hall, glad that Remus appeared to be feeling at least a little better, and strolled over to where Sirius and Peter were eating in silence, sitting down and sighing loudly. "This is peaceful. And not very Marauder-like. Certainly not very Sirius-like," James commented as he began spooning mashed potatoes onto his plate.

Remus hugged James back, closing his eyes for a moment and sighing. He followed the other boy to the Great Hall quietly.

Remus ran a hand through his hair as he sat down, huffing a breath. He scooped a small portion of carrots onto his plate, followed by an equally small portion of mashed potatoes, saying nothing to any of them.

James stared across at Sirius, or rather the top of Sirius' head, as he sat with his elbows on the table, hunched over his plate. James kicked him beneath the table and Sirius looked up quickly with a glare.  
"What?" he snapped, but James gave him a look, and Sirius straightened in his seat a moment later. "I'm just tired, alright?"  
James rolled his eyes. "Pete, my man, tell us a story, would you?" he asked, a little desperate, before getting on with his own dinner.

Remus sighed under his breath, praying Peter would say something to break the awkwardness of the situation. He closed his eyes, bringing a small forkful of mashed potatoes to his mouth.

"Uhm, right, a story, okay...well, uh..." Peter sighed. "I don't know, Prongs. I had one of those weird dreams last night, where I'm Wormtail?"

"Tell us _all_ about it," James insisted, and while Peter was rambling, Sirius snuck a glance across at Remus.  
He took the time Remus had his eyes closed to really take him in; the slight slouch of his shoulders that still managed to be better posture than the other three Marauders put together, the hair at the nape of his neck that tucked itself just under his collar because it was too long, and the deceivingly thin wrists that actually connected to rather strong, capable hands. Hands that, if they were not mid-way through dinner and surrounded by almost every student at Hogwarts, Sirius would rather like to have on him again.  
And that was not something he could say the same about James Potter, or Peter, and so surely it went some way in answering the _love_ or _in love_ question that James had thrown at him earlier.

Remus laid down his fork, listening silently to Peter's fast-paced ramblings of a story. He kept his eyes closed as his hands fell into his lap, and his shoulders slumped a bit further. He was trying so damn hard not to think, and it just wasn't working. He didn't want to accept the doubts he suddenly felt. He'd heard James before, and it'd planted a seed in his overthoughtful, analytical mind that maybe, just maybe, Sirius' intentions weren't as genuine as they seemed. He forced the very thought from his mind once more, trying to stop all of his thoughts.

"That is pretty weird, Pete," James agreed around a mouthful of carrots, when Peter seemed to have finished, and then looked between Sirius and Remus. "Right, guys?"  
"Extraordinary," Sirius muttered, before dropping his knife and fork onto his plate and getting up. "I'm going up to the dorm. Not in the mood for dessert." He said managed to say it to the Marauders as a whole, and yet pointedly to Remus at the same time.

Remus offered Peter a nod. "That's quite odd, Peter," he agreed. He winced when Sirius dropped his silverware and looked up at the other Marauder, unsure exactly what point he was trying to communicate. He pressed his lips together, eyebrows furrowing in question. He pushed his plate away- still with uneaten food on it- and wiped at his mouth with his napkin.

"I'll bring you some cake up later, then," James offered, knowing that even though Sirius didn't want it right then, he always did later in the night. Sirius gave a nod of appreciation and slowly readied himself to depart, giving Remus enough time to make his own excuses. It appeared they weren't quite on the same page yet, however, and Sirius had to jerk his head quickly in an indication for Remus to come with him, hoping that Peter was too preoccupied with the thought of dessert to notice it, and if James did, then he politely pretended not to.

Remus cleared his throat. "I have a book to return to the library," he said, brushing his hands together. "And it's upstairs. I'll talk to the two of you later; Sirius, I'll come with you." He stood slowly, brushing his shoulder against James' and blinking at Sirius. He turned on his heel, quietly heading for the doors of the Great Hall.

"Two orders of cake for later. Got it." James grinned, and finished clearing his plate as Sirius and Remus left the hall.

Sirius waited until they were out in the corridor and clear of the doors to the Great Hall before groaning frustratedly and scratching a hand back and forth in his hair in a way that could be considered somewhat canine-like. "Ugh! He's my mate and all, but I thought Wormtail was never going to shut up!"

Remus arched an eyebrow. "I think it's fascinating that he dreams from Wormtail's perspective. Sure, he tells the story in a roundabout manner, but it's still not so bad," he replied quietly, putting his hands in his pockets. He pressed his lips together. "I'm going to get that book now," he said, and turned to go to their dorm.

Sirius lowered his hand and shrugged at Remus' frankly lame attempt at justifying Peter's rambling.  
"Wait," he grabbed Remus by the wrist to stop him, and managed to meet his eye for the first time since they'd crawled out from the Willow. "You're angry." He thought the observation was enough to grant an explanation as a reward.

Remus' nostrils flared in annoyance. "Aren't you observant," he replied, ripping his arm away from Sirius' grasp with an annoyed huff of breath. He turned toward the stairs again, beginning to walk away. Sirius' words, for some reason, made his blood boil pointlessly. Remus swallowed as he walked.

Sirius watched Remus ascend the stairs a couple of steps, racking his brain for a source of Remus' sudden anger toward him when not hours ago they were so happy in the Shack. Of course, there was only one explanation.  
Sirius set off after Remus, following from two steps below the whole way and talking at his back. "You heard me and James?"

"No shit, Sherlock," Remus responded, making his way up the final set of stairs before he headed to the common room.

Sirius let slide the fact that he had no idea who Sherlock was, probably some Muggle jazz musician, or literary figure, or somebody equally as mundane and irrelevant to the conversation to think about right then. Sirius shook his head and followed Remus through the portrait-hole.  
"So, you're angry with me _for what_ exactly?" He growled at Remus' shoulder, trying not to let the Gryffindors who were watching them stalk angrily across the length of the commonroom hear. "Defending us against James?"

Remus stopped in the doorway of their dorm and turned. "No, I'm not fucking angry about that. I'm angry because I know you're questioning us, James is questioning us, and it's making me question us," he sneered. He stalked into the room, picked up the book, and went back to the door, his knuckles turning white as he gripped the leather-bound volume. He headed for the stairs.

Sirius had no immediate response to that, but Remus was already in and out of the dorm, and heading for the stairs again before he could think.  
"Just-! Fucking, wait!" Sirius snapped suddenly, and stopped himself from punching the stone wall in frustration, something that First Year Sirius wouldn't have thought twice about. He huffed out a breath and leaned back against the wall, staring at Remus in his quiet rage, all clenched fists and tight lips and blazing eyes.  
"Look," he began again, voice calm. "I haven't had the _years_, or however long you had, to work all of this out... Feelings and stuff. But I'm going as fast as I fucking can, Remus, so give me a fucking break, would you?"

"I'm not trying to make you process and faster than you need to," he said bitterly. "Don't victimize either of us. I'm trying my hardest to let you have your time to think or whatever." He continued walking without another word, then passed through the common room to go to the portrait hole.


	8. Chapter 8

Sirius pushed off the wall a beat later and caught up to Remus outside of the portrai-hole, grabbing him by the shoulder and physically turning him around. "Would you stand still and argue with me properly?" He yelled, almost comically.

"I don't need space or time to think," he spat out. "I don't know what you possibly could have misread in us_ having sex_, Remus, but that pretty much means I want you. The rest is just me being an idiot as I try to process five years if friendship into this new thing, so all I'm asking is a bit of... fucking understanding."

Remus rubbed the heels of his palms into his eyes. "I'm sorry," he whispered brokenly, looking down. "Now, can we please talk about this after I've returned his book? It's already overdue." He took a small step backward. "And you don't have to be gay to like men. There's other sexual orientations besides straight and gay." Remus pressed his lips together, staring at the ground.

"Really? The book is priority here?" Sirius let out an incredulous laugh. "Did I mention I just want to shake you sometimes? Fine! Fine, return the overdue book!"

Sirius followed in silent disbelief all the way to the library, standing obediently with mouth clamped shut until they were back out into the corridor before turning to Remus with a raised brow. "Happy? Can we continue, or do you have an essay you need to write? Or a scarf you need to knit, beforehand?"

He ran a hand over his face trying to remember where he wanted to go before Remus interrupted with the book, and then sighed. "I don't want to know and I don't care about orientation. I don't like _other men_, I like _you_, Moony."

Remus winced. "Is that supposed to make me feel better? I'm the only male on the planet besides yourself that you're attracted to?" he asked, eyebrows knitting together tightly. "Because it doesn't. It makes me feel like you're just trying to make me happy, and the only way I can be truly happy is to know that you're happy. Which you obviously are not. What do you want me to do? What can I do to make this an actually healthy relationship?"

Sirius narrowed his eyes at Remus and ignored his opening attack.  
"Well, apparently _nothing_, because as you and James have both pointed out, I'm Sirius Black and I fail at almost every relationship in my life. Right? I got kicked out of my family, I haven't held a girlfriend for longer than a month, and I've been holding my breath for the day Prongs and you lot realize I'm a pile of shit and fuck me off, too. So, the fact that _this_," he waved a hand back and forth between himself and Remus, "has ran itself almost immediately into the ground is sort of no big surprise."  
"And, yes!" Sirius yelled. "That was supposed to make you feel better, because it's the fucking truth, okay? I'm _not_ happy. I'm not a happy person, in life and in general, but when I'm with you guys I feel great. And when I'm with _you_ I feel this scary, amazing, sick, but incredible feeling, and I thought _isn't that something_? Couldn't we build on that?"

"_Stop_ yelling at me!" Remus voice finally rose a bit, only on that sentence. He looked down, closing his eyes. His voice dropped to a whisper. "Why can't you see that the only time I've smiled in the past- I don't know- weeks, months, was when I was talking to you? Do you know how terrified I am that you three are going to decide, one full moon, to abandon our friendship and tell the whole school what's wrong with me? Tell them why, even in the summer, I don't dare wear anything but long sleeves?" Remus swallowed.

"I know it sounds like I'm trying to victimize myself, but that isn't what I'm trying to do. I'm telling you what I feel. The only time I feel myself is around _you_. I'm _sorry_. I'm sorry your family sucks, I'm sorry I'm a horrible person- hell, I'm not even a person, I'm a fucking monster- and I'm sorry that I don't know how to handle my feelings because I have the emotional range of a koala." Remus shook his head, taking a deep, shaky breath.

Sirius stepped back, having not noticed that he'd begun to raise his voice at Remus.  
He listened to Remus pour out his feelings, becoming increasingly horrified as he went on, until the word 'monster' surfaced, and Sirius couldn't stand it any longer and had to grab hold of him. One hand at his shoulder, the other at the crook of his neck, and holding him at arms length, shaking him slightly so he would meet Sirius' eyes.  
"Stop it!" He said firmly through gritted teeth. "Don't you _ever_ say that, Remus. Don't _think_ it. You're the most amazing _human being_ I've ever met in my fucking life. _Every_ person who meets you is better for knowing you." He wanted to say more, so much more, but either there was too much to be said or he couldn't find the words for it.

Remus made some high-pitched noise of protest at being shaken. "How can you possibly say that?" he asked quietly, his gaze dropping to the floor again. "I've hurt all of you multiple times. I'm technically not human. I'm even fucking _classified_ as a dangerous monster." He pressed his lips together in a tight line of thought. "It's hard not to think it, when I worry about it all day long."

Sirius stepped off into the shadows of a statue against the corridor wall, as a couple of students began returning to the tower after dinner, and pulled Remus with him. "You're a werewolf, Remus, but the werewolf isn't _you_," he said quietly, and absently let his thumb slip over Remus' collar to touch the skin of his neck. "Times we've gotten hurt have purely been because of carelessness on our part. It couldn't possibly be your fault when you're not even the one in control, and nobody is blaming you. And fuck classification; the Ministry knows _shit_. You're something else for _one night_ every month, and the rest of the time you're _you_. End of."

Remus continued not to look at Sirius, finding it easier to look anywhere else. "Maybe so, but that one night could mean the death of any one of us," he said under his breath. "Nothing can change the fact that that is true. I don't want to put you all in so much danger..." He took a deep breath and sighed, bringing his hands up to rub at his face.

"Well, you-" Sirius began, squeezing Remus' shoulder to try and make him look him in the eye again. "No, I'm not having this conversation with you again. We've done all of this once before, and you know what our answer was and always will be. This wasn't the argument we were having."  
He let go of Remus and leaned against the wall, exhaustion making his bones feel heavy. "I can't even remember where we were..." he shook his head.

Remus stared at Sirius' shoulder. "We were fighting about why I was mad," he said quietly, grinding his teeth together nervously. He took a glance at the passing students- none of them could see the two behind the statue. He sighed, slowly turned back to Sirius, and tilted his chin up to look at the other boy. He crossed his arms over his chest. "Have at it."

"Thanks," Sirius muttered a little sarcastically, watching Remus as he eyed the students in the corridor and then frowning when he finally looked at him. He was too tired to argue now, and just wanted it to be over so he could go to sleep and wake up tomorrow to Remus smiling over at him from his own bed. Sirius pushed off the wall and stood up straight in front of Remus.  
"You want me, and I want you. Can it not just be that simple? You don't care that I'm selfish and a bit of a prick a lot of the time, and I don't care that you're frustratingly lacking in self-confidence and once a month you could potentially kill me. I'm fine with that, I'm not questioning it. All I was trying to get across to James is that it's pretty fucking scary that we feel that way, and that I'm not 100% sure I won't fuck it up." Sirius flapped his arms once. "And for the record, I was right, because here we are having this fight."

Remus swallowed and ran a hand through his hair slowly. Leaving his hand at the back of his neck, he cocked his head to the side a bit. He listened quietly, swallowing as Sirius finished speaking. "Can I just try one thing?" he asked quietly, his eyebrows knitting together in what appeared to be a concerned expression.

Sirius gave a small, wary nod, unsure as to where Remus was going with this and bracing himself for the possibilty of being punched.

Remus' hands found Sirius', and he gave them a light squeeze, his lack of confidence in himself showing easily. He swallowed, the muscles in his jaw flexing, and pulled the other boy closer to him. He leaned up and pressed his lips against Sirius' gently. After less than five seconds, he pulled away, biting his lip nervously.

"Oh, thank fuck, I thought you were gonna hit me," Sirius breathed against Remus' lips, and pulled one hand free from his grip to push around the back of Remus' neck and pull him into another kiss. He was fully aware that all somebody had to do was walk past the statue in the opposite direction and they'd be caught, but found that he didn't quite give a shit enough to stop.

Remus pressed his hands lightly against Sirius' chest. He remembered where they were and hesitated, then decided not to care. "I wouldn't hit you," he whispered against the other boy's lips before kissing him back.

"Oh, are these the perks of being your boyfriend? Because I distinctly remember you smacking me across the head with a textbook last term," Sirius chuckled between when they'd pulled away to breath again.

"You were being a git," Remus answered, smiling a bit. He brought his hands up to rest on Sirius' shoulders. "I could've sworn we agreed earlier that we wouldn't fight before every kiss." Remus shook his head, biting his lip.

"We did, didn't we?" Sirius' contemplated this for a moment and while it probably wasn't appropriate, began to laugh.  
"Or maybe we kiss _after_ every fight?" he reasoned lamely. "In which case we _need_ to keep having fights so that we can get to the good stuff?"

Remus smiled a bit. "Or we could just kiss for the hell of it," he replied, looking down. He slowly looked back up, tilting his head to the side. "So, I take it we're good, now."

"No more fighting." Sirius agreed, smiling and nodded. "And it kind of looks like it, yeah. I was gonna say we should go and make the most of the empty dorm, but Prongs and Wormtail have probably finished eating by now."

Remus glanced over his shoulder. "If they haven't gotten up there yet, our beds have curtains and we have silencing spells," he replied, arching an eyebrow as he looked back at Sirius.

"Y'know, people think you're the picture of innocence, but you are so not," Sirius grinned, taking Remus at the elbow in lieu of holding his hand, and led the way back through the portrait-hole.  
They crossed the commonroom with a considerably calmer demeanor than earlier, which gained confused expressions from the Gryffindors who had been trying to follow the progression of their argument. Sirius gave a third-year girl a brief smile as he stood beside her, waiting as Remus went before him up the stairs.


	9. Chapter 9

Remus rolled his eyes. "I never said I was the picture of innocence," he mumbled. As he walked up the stairs, he flicked Sirius in the head, then disappeared up the stairs and into their room. The other two Marauders hadn't arrived yet.

"Well, no, because that would make you a dirty liar," Sirius called after Remus, and then ran up the stairs behind him.  
"I say we do it on James' bed," were Sirius' first words as he closed the dormitory door and leaned back against it as he surveyed the room to find it was empty.

"You're terrible," Remus said, rolling his eyes as he turned to face Sirius again. "That would be cruel and unusual punishment. He's quite a lovable git." He smiled, making it obvious that although he was serious, the statement was meant to be taken lightly.

"Peter's, then? " he joked, pulling his jumper off over his head and dropping it into the open trunk at the foot of his bed. He kicked his shoes off and dropped down onto the edge of the bed, groaning as he flopped back.  
"I'm so fucking tired," he breathed out a laugh and curled his fingers beckoningly at Remus. "Come here, quick, before I fall asleep."

"Git," Remus smiled. He quickly closed the curtains on his own bed, then walked over to Sirius and sat next to him. He leaned down and kissed him softly, smiling still.

Sirius hummed contentedly into the kiss and wrapped an arm around Remus' waist, pulling him closer. He tugged at the hem of Remus' shirt, untucking it from his trousers and slipping a hand beneath to feel the soft skin at his hip.  
"Mm, you're warm," he grinned against Remus' lips and hugged him closer still, so that he lay on top of Sirius and provided maximum bodyheat. "If I fell asleep underneath you, would you be offended?"

"It would depend on what we were doing," Remus replied, smirking as he moved his lips to Sirius' neck. "But I would hope I would be able to keep you up..."

Sirius raised an eyebrow and let go of Remus to fold his arms behind his head, the picture of relaxation. "Do your best, Lupin," he smirked back.

Remus rolled his eyes, mumbling something about a 'bloody idiotic git' as he closed the curtains. He muttered, 'Silencio," at them and then straddled Sirius' hips, leaning down to bite lightly at the other boy's neck.

Sirius' hips rose to meet him, and if he thought there was any chance of falling asleep during this, then he was sorely wrong. "Fu-uck, Moony," he mouthed, closing his eyes and letting out a shaky breath. His hands immediately went to Remus' thighs, and turned his head to find Remus' mouth.

"That is what I thought," Remus muttered smugly, kissing Sirius with gentle, infectiously quiet passion. He rested his weight on his knees, freeing his hands for one to unbutton his shirt while the other gently pulled off Sirius' tie.

Sirius helped Remus slip his shirt off his shoulders, running his hands over the exposed skin and inconspicuous muscle that had first surprised Sirius to find there. The way Remus held himself and put himself across had always deceived Sirius into thinking he would be lanky and bony beneath his uniform and the wooly layers he favoured, but had found ealier that morning, most certainly was not.  
He was strong, and capable, and kind of a little bossy.  
Sirius watched Remus remove his tie, slowly. "Argh, Remus," Sirius growled into his shoulder as he dropped small kisses along his collarbone. "You've gotta go faster than than, or I'm gonna explode."

Remus' lips curved into a smile, and he tossed his tie aside. He slipped his hands under Sirius' shirt, pushing the fabric up gently. He rubbed his hips against the other boy's gently. His hands urged Sirius to take his shirt off. The touch of the other made him shiver, and he nipped Sirius' neck, leaving a pale pink mark.

Sirius ran his hands down Remus' arms, over his wrists, fingers, to the front of his own shirt to set about unbuttoning it. He gave up halfway down and resorted to tugging it over his head, rising to meet Remus in another long, passionate kiss. Sitting up allowed him to wrap an arm around Remus' back, get better access to kiss up his neck and along his jaw, and unbutton Remus' trousers with his spare hand.  
It was just as he had popped the button and began pulling at the zipper when the sound of the dormitory door slamming shut froze Sirius in place. He pulled away and looked, wide-eyed, up at Remus.

"Silencing spell. The curtains on your bed are closed anyway," Remus whispered. "It's fine." He pressed his lips against Sirius' neck gently. He nudged the other boy's hands gently, urging him to continue.

Sirius tried to let Remus kissing his neck distract him for a moment, and continued unzipping his pants to begin pulling them down over the curve of his firm- "Seriously?" He asked suddenly, stopping what he was doing again and frowning up at Remus. "It doesn't weird you out to know that they're in the same room? While we're... Y'know?"

Remus sighed. "No, not really," he replied. "It's not like they actually know what we're doing." Remus arched an eyebrow. "Is it a problem for you?" He sat up. "If it is, I'll just go now." He started reaching for his shirt, keeping his eyes on Sirius'.

"I'm learning so much about you today, you fucking dark horse," Sirius chuckled and then bit his lip, almost nervously. "I know, I know! They probably think we're asleep in our own beds, but I- I just can't get the image of Peter's round face gawking at us out of my mind, and it's sort of killing the mood for me!"

He sighed and when Remus began to get up, Sirius shot a hand out to stop him. "Wait, you don't have to go, though."

Remus rolled his eyes. "Well, what would you like to do, then?" he asked, tilting his head to the side as he leaned back down to rest on Sirius' chest. "Oh, Merlin, now you've got that image in my head. I don't think he'd even know what was happening, he's so innocent!"

"I'm really sorry," Sirius murmured into Remus hair. "About stopping, not about sharing the Peter thing, because if I have to suffer it, so do you."

He closes his eyes and ran his fingers absently over Remus' back while he thought. "We could sleep? I mean, you could sleep here with me?"

"I'd like that," Remus whispered, shivering slightly at Sirius' touch. He felt Sirius' fingers hit each and every one of the scars on his back, and he frowned, sighing.

"Yeah," Sirius smiled, and rolled sideways, knocking Remus onto his side so that they lay facing one another on the bed.  
He continued to run a hand over Remus' back, only catching meaning of the long sigh when he noticed Remus' expression. "What?" he asked, concerned.

Remus shifted so he could see his back. "All these scars..." he muttered. "They're so ugly."

Irritation flared, like always, when Remus was so self-deprecating, but Sirius kept his voice light, and didn't stop touching him and his scars. "Says who?"

"I do," Remus murmured. "I don't know how you can even look at me properly, when the majority of my skin doesn't even show through the scars."

"'_Show through_?' They're not painted on, that _is_ your skin. That is _you_, and I love _you_-"  
It was obvious there was going to be more to the protestation, but Sirius stopped abruptly. He almost didn't want to look Remus in the eye, and made a poor attempt at skimming straight over it, his fingers working fast little circles now to distract Remus. Or maye himself. "I- I mean, you know, _I_ think they're pretty fucking amazing. Like, they show how strong you are, resilient and stuff, and you should be proud of them, and certainly not worried about what I think of them because I think they're fucking beautiful, so..."  
Sirius trailed off, still not looking up into Remus' face, but staring intently at a scar on his hip that curled around oddly in a little spiral, and wondering how it got that way.


	10. Chapter 10

Remus looked away, closing his eyes as he listened to Sirius. He touched a raised scar on his collarbone and swallowed. His jaw flexed, and he looked at Sirius again, finally. "All they do is remind me of the full moon," Remus whispered, swallowing again. "They make it hard to focus on regular life."

"Well," Sirius looked up, finally, calmer now that it seemed Remus had graciously chosen not to make a big deal out of his stumble with the L-word. "You don't have to look in a mirror ever again if you don't want to. I can tell you what a perfect stud you look when you need it."  
He gave a small smile, but concern swam in his eyes at the look on Remus' face. "It's always gonna come," he said quietly, and it wasn't harsh because it was the truth. "So there's no point in thinking or worrying about it. And you have me now, to help you focus."

Remus closed his eyes, letting one hand rest on Sirius' waist and the other against his chest. "Thank you, Sirius," he said softly, slowly opening his eyes. He looked up through his auburn hair, chewing his lip. Remus' breathing was oddly patterned, as if he were struggling.

"You don't have to _thank_ me," Sirius said, almost disgustedly, and swiped the hair out of Remus' eyes. "I mean, I've _always_ been here to help, you know we all are, just that now it'll be better."

Remus looked down, resting his forehead against his hand. He shifted a bit, not saying anything as he avoided Sirius' eyes again. He took a deep breath and pressed his lips together.

Sirius watched him carefully for a second. "What is it?"

"I just feel kind of bad. I mean, you have to deal with all these stupid insecurities and all that," Remus said quietly, still avoiding his gaze. His hair had fallen over his eyes again, hiding their hazel color.

"They're not stupid," Sirius corrected quickly, and leaned up on his elbows to better look down at Remus. "It's understandable that you'd feel like that, even if you are... well, _wrong_."  
Sirius stared at Remus hiding behind his hair, and sighed loudly. "Look, just stop feeling guilty because I _care_ about you, and stop saying thank you. It makes me feel weird, like I'm your carer or something."

Remus nodded a bit. He didn't say anything, though, just looked into Sirius' eyes silently. He pressed his lips together, blinking.

"Seriously, stop it," Sirius nudged Remus again in the hip with his knee. "Your dreams came true last night and now you're regretting it because you're worried I can't handle _what_? Oh, that's right, the same thing I have been for four years!"  
His voice stayed lighthearted, but he was getting frustrated by Remus' mood. "C'mon, just crack a smile, Moony."

Remus couldn't help but smile quietly. He turned his chin back up, biting his lip but continuing to smile.

"Brilliant," Sirius smiled back, and then dropped back onto the bed, letting himself finally drift off, content in the knowledge that Remus understood he wasn't alone and most definitely loved.  
The day had been long and eventful, to say the least, and Sirius slept like a baby that night, barely moving in his slept, except to flop an arm over Remus. When he woke naturally the next morning, he blinked awake and gave a satisfied sigh.

Remus slept, fitfully as usual. Nightmares racked him as they always did, but he stayed asleep throughout their onslaught. What woke him up was a voice in one of the nightmares. _Worthless_ it screamed, over and over, until Remus woke in a cold sweat, shaking.

Sirius stretched his arms over his head and winced as his shoulder cracked. He shook it out as he rolled over, a smile on his lips for Remus until he saw the state of him and quickly sat up.

"Merlin's- Shit, Moony," Sirius began eloquently, putting a comforting hand on Remus' back to quell the shakes and swiping the sweat-curled hair off his forehead with the other. "I'm guessing you did _not_ share my night of continuous, untroubled sleep?"

Remus shook his head, looking down and rubbing his fingertips into his temples. He swallowed. "It was awful," he whispered. "It wouldn't stop and I couldn't wake up." He pulled his shirt over his head and dabbed at his damp chest. "Oh, Merlin, it was horrible."

"What wouldn't stop?" Sirius frowned, taking the shirt out of Remus' hand, to wipe down his back for him.

"The voice. It kept telling me I was worthless," he said quietly, looking down and closing his eyes.

Sirius paused, and then dropped the shirt onto the bed. He grabbed Remus by the shoulder and turned him so they were facing one another. "It was just a nightmare," he said firmly. "You're not worthless. You know that, right?"

Remus nodded. "I know," he said softly, putting his own hand on Sirius'. "It's just hard to listen to. I'm fine."

Sirius nodded, but concern still filled his eyes. He decided to let it go this time, and grabbed the edge of one of the bed curtains, pulling it back and peering out into the dorm. The curtains around James and Peter's beds were still drawn.  
"You should go get a shower before breakfast," Sirius suggested, getting off the bed and rummaging in his trunk for fresh clothes.

Remus nodded a bit, standing up. "I'll do that," he said, getting his clothes for the day from his trunk. "See you in a bit."

Sirius straightened as Remus passed with his clean clothes and grabbed the other boy by the crook of his elbow, turning him into a brief kiss, right there in the middle of the dormitory, just because he could. He broke away again grinning and returned to his own trunk, mimicking Remus' "See you in a bit."

"Git," Remus muttered, though his smile was not only visible, but also audible. He turned again, rolling his eyes at Sirius' back and left, going into the bathroom quietly to shower.

Sirius changed quickly in the silence of the dormitory, then stood in the centre of the room and ran a hand back through his hair. He was debating getting undressed again and grabbing a shower with Remus instead, when the sound of bed curtains opening brought him out of his daydream. He turned to see Peter, swinging his legs out of bed, apparently not noticing the boy stood at the end of his four-poster.  
Sirius cleared his throat. "Alright, Petey?"

Remus undressed and stepped into the shower, standing under the hot water and letting it soothe him for a few moments before actually bathing.

When he was done, Remus stepped back out of the shower and into his change of clothes, then stretched. He sighed and left the bathroom again, reentering their dorm.

While Remus showered, Sirius had discussed the previous night's events with Peter and in his own way, apologised for being snappy at dinner. Which, of course, meant not actually apologising, but giving small, affectionate nudges and slaps on the back throughout the conversation.

He'd blamed his bad temper on family troubles that a recent letter had caused, and was just covering Remus' back when the boy himself returned to the room.

"...so I snapped at Moony when he asked about it. We had a full blown argument about it when we left dinner," Sirius was saying, and looked up when he noticed Remus. "But we're alright now."

Remus looked up from the ground; he'd been rubbing his wet hair with a towel, and his shirt was unbuttoned. He pretended not to realize Sirius had been covering for him. "Morning, Petey," he called over, kneeling in front of his trunk and flipping it open with a heavy sigh.

Sirius got up from where he'd been sat beside Peter on his bed, and wandered over to Remus' side, leaning against one of the bedposts with his hands in his pockets.

"Is Prongs even in there?" SiriusRemus smirked more. "That's what I thought," he said, closing the door behind them and following Sirius obediently. "You know, for a moment, there, I thought you were going to make me stay." wondered, nodding to the drawn curtains around James' bed. "He's usually up and stalking Evans on the map about this time, isn't he?"

"Fuck off, Pads," James' amused desembodied voice replied.

"Oi, be civil, James," Remus smirked, buttoning his shirt as he stood up.

"Yeah, _James_," Sirius grinned, and the curtains flung back to reveal a glaring James with wild bed hair that was rather similar to the way he wore it around school, followed by a pillow winging its way toward Sirius' face. He caught it, laughing, and whumped Remus around the head with it, yelling. "Pillow fight!"  
James jumped up on his bed as he sent his other pillow soaring towards the back of Peter's head, scrambling for his own pillows.

"Fuck all of you!" Remus' tone was joking as he closed his trunk and his curtains. "Unlike you losers, I'm going to eat breakfast, since I missed it and lunch yesterday." He made his way to the door, ducking a flying pillow in the process.

"Don't let him get awa-!" James began instructing Sirius, turning to point at Remus and thereby leaving himself open to a face-shot from Peter. "Fuck, Wormtail! Cheap shot!"  
As James jumped onto Peter to begin smothering him with his own pillow, Sirius stepped in front of Remus with a wicked grin. "Sorry, Moony, I've been given my orders..."

"What if I promise you something in return for my safe release?" Remus asked quietly, smirking a bit and arching an eyebrow. He took a step closer to Sirius. "I mean, c'mon, Padfoot. We both know that there has to be something you might want that I have the means to give... or withhold... from you." His tone was suggestive at the same time that it wasn't, almost as if he couldn't quite decide exactly in what way he meant what he was saying.

Sirius stared for a moment, gobsmacked by Remus and possibly a little turned on, then, apparently making his decision, dropped the pillow.  
"Sorry, Prongs! Meet us in the Great Hall when you're done smothering Wormtail!" he shouted noncommittally over the din of the two wrestling Marauders, and proceeded to guide Remus from the dormitory by his arm.

Remus smirked more. "That's what I thought," he said, closing the door behind them and following Sirius obediently. "You know, for a moment, there, I thought you were going to make me stay."

"And deprive a growing boy of his most important meal of the day? Good heavens, no!" Sirius exclaimed, then dropped his voice so only Remus could hear as they crossed the commonroom shoulder to shoulder. "You're gonna need all your energy with me, Moony."

Remus felt his stomach turn over the same way it did whenever Sirius said anything remotely suggestive to him, and he blushed obviously. "Well, then I guess it's a good thing I got out of there when I did, and didn't miss my most important meal."

"_I_ let you get out of there when you did," Sirius corrected him, smugly, and grabbed hold of Remus' wrist, pushing his thumb up beneath the cuff to touch the delicate skin there.  
"And I could _still_ make you miss your breakfast if I wanted to." he added warningly, liking the shade of red Remus was currently sporting high in his cheeks.

"Ah, but you're just one," Remus said quietly, turning to face him. He noted the emptiness, the silence, of the common room, and his voice dropped to a whisper. "You and I both know you won't miss a meal unless someone else makes you." He let his fingers curl into the untucked part of Sirius' shirt, a sly smirk falling across his lips.

"Are you-?" Sirius observed Remus through narrowed eyes, a grin tugging at the corner of his mouth as warm fingers tangled themselves in the hem of his shirt. "I'm not reading this wrong, am I? You're coming onto me in the middle of the _commonroom_?"

Remus let his fingertips brush Sirius' warm skin. "Maybe I am...maybe I'm not," he said, his voice falling into a low whisper. He leaned up, brushing his lips against Sirius' for a moment. He removed his lips from Sirius' vicinity quickly, though. "But I probably am. Which gives you two choices that will probably both end up in the same place."

"Such a fucking tease," Sirius muttered under his breath, touching fingers to his lips as he watched Remus retreat. He shook his head in awe. "Who knew you were such an exhibitionist, Moony? Because I've known you for five years and I certainly had no idea."  
Sirius slowly backed Remus up against one of the sofas, and pushed a knee between his thighs. "Or do I bring it out in you?" he breathed against his neck, lips ghosting over the skin there.

"_Oh_," Remus felt his heart speed up. "I'd say it's a bit of both, you know. Hidden under a layer of practiced nonchalance." He closed his eyes, running his fingers through Sirius' hair. He felt the other's knee between his thighs and his lips parted a bit, his eyes reopening. He pressed his hand against the back of Sirius' neck. "At least I'm a tease and not..." he trailed off, at a loss for the correct word. He bit his lip. "Fuck..." He tilted Sirius chin up from his neck and toward his lips. Remus kissed Sirius, then, properly, and let his eyes fall closed again.

Sirius grinned into the kiss, enjoying the rare occurrance of Remus lost for words and the fact that _he_ did that. He slid his hands beneath Remus' thighs and lifted him up onto the back of the couch, pushing himself between his legs and humming a satisfied noise.

Remus moaned softly, gripping Sirius' shirt. He pressed his legs against his hips, pulling him closer and smirking slightly into the kiss. "Feeling a bit controlling today, are you?" he asked softly, pulling back ever so slightly and looking into his eyes.

Sirius let out a small bark of a laugh and set about kissing his way down Remus' jaw. "Says you," he mumbled before raking his teeth over the soft flesh. "You can add 'bossy' to the list of new qualities I've discovered in you recently, along with, you know, being a tease and an exhibitionist."

"Bossy, hm? I thought that was established when I got you and Prongs to do your Charms homework in third year..." Remus smiled, allowing another quiet moan past his lips as he leaned into Sirius' touch.

"Mm, no," Sirius murmured, finally raising his head to look Remus in the eye, but rocking into him as he spoke. "That was just blackmail. Taking away a bloke's broomstick the day after he got it. For his birthday. A _birthday_ broom, Moony. You withheld my birthday broom."  
"I'd appreciate it if there was no holding of _anybody_ else's birthday brooms, please?" James' voice suddenly cut through the moment, almost echoing across the otherwise empty commonroom from where he stood at the foot of the staircase with Peter at his side. "Children are present," he added, as if as an afterthough, and reached over to cover Peter's eyes.


	11. Chapter 11

Remus pushed himself over backward, rolling off the couch and standing. "Dammit, James! Think you could kill the moment any more effectively?" He circled the sofa to stand next to Sirius, pressing his lips together. He sighed, crossing his arms over his chest.

Sirius had begun laughing at James' opening line, startled only by Remus' impressive escape over the sofa, and then turned to lean against it as he watched them bicker, apparently unfazed.  
"Oh, I'm _sorry_, Moony, did we interrupt your private liaison?" James was saying in horrified disbelief, as he flung his arms wide to further demonstrate his point. "In_ The Commonroom?_"

Remus sat on the back of the sofa again. "Yeah, actually. What are you going to do about it?" he arched an eyebrow, leaning his elbows on his knees. "Ground me?"

Sirius beamed wildly at Remus' sass while James gawked in disbelief, arms still out at his sides, too stunned to remember to lower them again. He turned his attention to Sirius but pointed a finger at Remus. "_You_ did this to him," he accused, but a smirk threatened to break free on his face, "He was never like this before! And he never would have... In the commonroon! You've corrupted him!"  
Sirius simply shrugged innocently, and then caught sight of Peter's vacant expression, which looked as though he was using all of his focus to calculate a reasonable explanation for seeing two of his best friends dry humping when they were _supposed_ to be on the opposite side of the castle tucking in to egg and toast. Sirius, apparently reverting back to being age five, pointed and laughed.

Remus pushed Sirius' hand down. "Oh, c'mon, Prongs," he grinned. "Maybe you just didn't see it in me." He was smirking openly as he watched James and Peter, glancing briefly at Sirius. He arched an eyebrow at James, sitting straight.

Sirius put his hand in his pocket obediently, and shifted closer to lean beside Remus.  
"I didn't want to see _a lot_ of things which I've unfortunately been exposed to," he grumbled, giving a full-body shudder at the thought of it. "Seriously, keep it behind closed curtains, please, with_plenty _of silencing charms."

"If either of us were with a girl, you wouldn't have near as much of a problem, I'd bet," Remus challenged quietly, sliding to his feet and crossing his arms over his chest. He frowned, lifting an eyebrow as if daring James to negate the statement.

James narrowed his eyes at Remus and straightened to full height. "I'm going to ignore what you just said, and remind you that _you_'d still be a lovesick wreck, and _he_'d still be a clueless idiot if it weren't for me."  
"He's got a point," Sirius nodded amusedly at Remus' side, and then moved around him to get a closer look at the fourth Marauder, who still hadn't spoken a word. "Anyway, I think we may have properly broken Wormtail."

Remus leveled an uncharacteristically sharp glare at James, obviously not about to listen to him or admit that he was right about anything. Remus actually said nothing, just kept his arms crossed over his chest. His expression softened at Peter, but he still had nothing to say. He and James had never really clashed before, but he was thoroughly annoyed by him now.

James matched Remus' irritated gesture, folding his arms and frowning back, unsure how the conversation had turned so quickly.

Sirius glanced between them and cleared his throat loudly. "Breakfast, then? Maybe we can fix him with food, it always seems to do the trick," he offered, beginning to steer Peter towards the portrait hole by the shoulder.

Remus turned on his heel, following Sirius in silence. He allowed his arms to drop and his shoulders to lose much of their tensity when he was no longer facing

James.

"No," James suddenly said, stopping Remus with a hand on his arm. "I'm not going anywhere until Moony tells me what his problem is." He stood look at Remus with an expression a mixture of anger and hurt.

Remus' eyes narrowed a bit. "I don't have to explain myself to you," he sneered slightly, which was highly abnormal for him. As he stepped toward the portrait hole, he turned around. "Oh, by the way. I'm sure you've not have been keeping track, James, but guess what tonight is? Oh, that's right, it's the full fucking moon," he snapped, and turned again. He disappeared, then, out of the portrait hole and simply _away_.

Sirius glanced at Remus too, a little expectantly and admittedly a little confused by his reaction as well.

James gritted his teeth in frustration at not getting his say before Remus escaped through the portraithole, and turned to kick a nearby chair. "Go and eat, Wormtail," Sirius pushed Peter towards the exit, and he trundled away obediently after Remus, allowing Sirius to round on James and pull him away before he started tearing the stuffing out of the seat of the chair. "Quit it, you maniac."  
"What the fuck just happened?" James asked desperately of Sirius. "I know he gets shitty around this time, but that wasn't... what was _that_?"  
Sirius scratched the back of his head, frowning a little. "I honestly don't know, but just- Could you leave it until after the full moon, cause it's gonna be fucking exhausting as it is without you two at each others throats."  
"If we don't sort it before tonight there'll be a_ wolf _at my throat, Sirius," James informed him soundly and Sirius had to agree.

Remus heard the portrait door open and close, and he could tell from the footsteps that it was Peter. He was walking slowly enough that the other could easily catch up if he so desired, but he made no move to welcome any interaction. He himself wasn't entirely sure what had just happened; but he was in an obviously bad mood and at this point, nothing would change that. He wished it wasn't Sunday, since they had classes the next day, and he was always exhausted after the full moon. And, he had to admit, he put the other Marauder through hell every full moon.

"Yeah, well," Sirius was saying as he led James out of the commonroom. "Don't antagonize him. Just say sorry or whatever-"  
"Like fu-"  
"_Just for now_!" Sirius insisted, exasperatedly. "And then when we're done with tonight you can both go back to..."  
"Exactly! Even _you_ don't know what's up his arse," James exclaimed, and then heard what he'd said and cringed. He began trying to take it back, but Sirius was already laughing hysterically, so James simply punched him in the arm. "Oh, fucking hell, Padfoot! Gross."  
Sirius was steadying himself on a bannister and wiping his tears of mirth, when he spotted Peter, and Remus a little ahead of him, a couple of staircases below. "Hey, look, there they are," he nudged James, before raising his voice. "Moony! Wormtail!"

They picked up their pace as they descended the staircases, trying to catch up and shoving at one another as they bickered.  
"He made out like I was some sort of fucking homophobe! _He_ should be saying sorry to me," James huffed out, as they reached the third floor landing and waited for the staircases to rearrange themselves. "That wasn't the moon, that was just him being a dick."  
"Lay off him," Sirius sighed, "I think he's going through some stuff right now, _besides_ it being that time of the month."  
Sirius went to move off again, but James stepped in front of him. "You don't... I mean, _you_ know I'm not, right? A- you know?"  
"Fucking hell, are we seriously having this conversation?" Sirius laughed, and grabbed James by the shoulders. "Yes, Prongs, I know you're not a bloody homophobe." And then he threw James aside and sprinted off down the last staircase that separated them from Remus and Peter, howling "Mooooonyyyy!" as he went.

"What, Padfoot?" Remus called, and his voice held no malice. He stopped, looking up at him. He chewed his bottom lip, trying to ignore the foreboding feeling that had settled in the pit of his stomach that night.

Sirius jumped onto the same step as him, panting, then continued on down the steps in silence for a moment as he caught his breath back. "You okay? Other than the expected, of course," he asked finally, keeping his voice to a tone of casual concern. "You kind of blew up at Prongs back there. Sort of came out of nowhere..."  
James finally caught up to Peter, falling into step beside him and watching the pair below them on the steps, no less confused with Remus than he was before talking to Sirius. "You gonna keep this up all day?" he asked, beginning to feel unnerved by Peter's continued silence.

"Something is going wrong," Remus said. "I feel it in my bones..." He shook his head. "I don't know why I blew up..." Remus looked down. "Sorry..."

"Woah, woah," Sirius put a reassuring hand on Remus' forearm. "Nothing is going wrong. You're fine. It's just the moon making you feel a little loony."  
He dipped his head to look up at Remus hiding beneath his fringe, a small smirk on his lips. "Loony Moony," he joked, and squeezed his arm gently. "James didn't mean anything with what he said. Just remember we're all here to help you, yeah?"

"No, I mean...outside of Hogwarts..." Remus shook his head. "I'm sure it's nothing..." He looked up at Sirius, swallowing. "Don't worry about it." He kept walking, sighing quietly.

Sirius let Remus walk away, staring after him, lost in thought for a moment, until James and Peter reached him.  
"What'd he say?" James asked, but Sirius just shook his head, quickly snapping out of his trance. He'd bring it up with Remus later, probably, but right now he was starving for breakfast.  
"Nothing. C'mon," he dismissed, and led the way to the Great Hall. The room was less than half full when they got there; students preferring a Sunday morning lie-in.

Remus walked ahead of them in silence, and sat in their normal place at the table, he he didn't eat.

The other three Marauders sat themselves around Remus, Sirius at his side with James and Peter opposite them, and set themselves to the food in front of them, eating in an almost comfortable silence.

Remus stared at his plate, but didn't eat, pressing his lips together and furrowing his eyebrows in thought. He was left undisturbed to these thoughts for a few moments until Peter spoke up.

"So, um...what happened back there? In the common room, when James and I came down?"

Remus turned his head slightly to look at Sirius, eyes widened. He bit his lip in an almost apologetic manner, knowing it was mostly his fault they'd even been caught.

James' looked up, relieved, and scarcely made an effort to hold back a grin at Peter's question, putting his fork down and folding his hands on the table in front of him to await the answer.  
"Glad you could finally join us, Pete," Sirius chuckled once he'd shot a scowl over at James. He was admittedly a little relieved himself that they were finally getting this out of the way. "How about _you_ tell us what you _think_ was happening?"

Remus swallowed and turned back to Peter, who was looking even redder than usual. He couldn't help but crack a bit of a smile in anticipation.

"Well, uhm, it looked like you two were...well, you were _together_..." confusion was etched across Peter's features. "Wait...you two are..."

Remus pressed his lips together to keep from smiling, then covered his mouth altogether.

They all seemed to be leaning in as they listened to Peter, with varying degrees of amusement. "Keep going," Sirius smirked, encouragingly. "You're nearly there..."

"You two- well that...oh...no holding anyone's...well, ew, didn't need that mental image..." he said. "You two are a thing, then?"

Remus looked down, hiding his smile as successfully as he could.

"There it is!" he whispered.

Sirius barked a laugh and flung his arms in the air. "He did it! Give the man prize!" he laughed, and several Ravenclaws turned from their table to glare.  
James rolled his eyes and patted Peter on the shoulder. "Don't worry, Wormtail, you're only two days behind."

Remus smiled slightly and pushed his food around his plate with his fork. The same awkward feeling of apprehension stayed in his stomach. He frowned again, looking a bit concerned as he stared at his breakfast.

"Does it weird you out, Wormtail?" Sirius asked, suddenly in a serious tone, lowering his fork to his plate and watching Peter carefully for his honesty reaction.

Peter looked up. "Well, not in a homophobic way, it's just strange to see. I mean, two of my best friends going at it on a couch isn't exactly a common occurrence. At least I would hope that it wouldn't be. Not publicly..."

Remus smiled ashamedly, glad that Peter didn't seem to necessarily have anything wrong with it.

"Exactly what I was saying," James said pointedly, making eye contact with Remus.  
"A man can only protest so much," Sirius planted his elbow on the table and his chin in his hand to observe Remus, sighing dreamily. "I mean, look at him. If he wants it on the couch in the commonroom I'm hardly going to say no, am I?"  
"This has got to stop," James said firmly, pointing a finger in Sirius' face. "Pete and I are very happy for you both, but seriously, we don't need to hear it!"

Remus leaned forward, closer to James. "Then. Don't. Listen," he answered, letting one hand fall beneath the table. It came to rest on Sirius' knee, though he hasn't really been aiming for anything, just letting his arm fall.

Peter looked a bit nervous, as if afraid they would start fighting again. Remus, however, relaxed and sat back, staring at his plate.

James opened his mouth to reply, but Sirius threw him a desperate look that reminded him of their earlier conversation, and he closed it firmly again. He sighed, gave Remus a tight smile and turned to Sirius to mutter. "You've got one more chance before I put a silencing charm on you."  
Sirius nodded minutely in compliance, knowing that James would certainly give it a try, and then gave Remus a sideways smile before continuing on with his breakfast. It was going to be a long day, he thought wearily, and an even longer night.

Remus continued to push his food around his plate wordlessly, acting as if nothing at all had happened. Finally, he stood, pushing his plate away from the edge of the table, and ran a hand through his hair before walking away, out if the Great Hall.

Peter sat in awkward silence, eating quickly and eating a lot. Every now and again, he would glance at the three, and he frowned sadly when Remus left.

Sirius pushed his own plate away and sighed once Remus had left and took the tension with him. "That was my fault," he admitted, rubbing a hand down his face.

"No shit!" James snapped. "And now he's pissed at /me/ again. If you'd have just shut up, you prat!"

"Alright, alright! I'll go talk to him."

"And make sure you actually /talk/, yeah? Don't get distracted," James told him, heavy emphasis to ensure Sirius knew what kind of distraction he'd be looking to avoid. Sirius got up, flapping a hand in a 'see you later' gesture, and going after Remus.

It seemed like chasing Remus had become almost as regular occurrence as kissing him, but at least the arguing had held off, so Sirius couldn't really protest.

Remus made his way into the library, enjoying the silence of the empty, cavernous room. He walked to one of the back corners, where the books were dusty but the tables and chairs were clean, and he pulled one of the few dustless books off of the shelf to sit down with it. Remus opened it and began reading, his attention thoroughly consumed in the thick, leather-bound volume. Remus used the book as an excuse not to think, mostly, because thinking lead to worrying and worrying lead to even more problems. Once Sirius had left, Peter sighed and shook his head, looking down at his now-empty plate.

He'd had to accost two students in two separate corridors, but Sirius locate=  
d Remus eventually, kicking himself when he slipped into the library for not=  
thinking of it first.=20  
He sat down in the empty chair opposite Remus and watched him read for a mom=  
ent, before leaning over the table a little to slide the book out from under=  
him. "Talk," Sirius urged, gently.

Remus dropped his head onto his arm and closed his eyes, saying nothing. He bounced his leg without saying anything, not even looking up.

Sirius frowned at the top of Remus' head and ran a hand back through his hair. "If you don't get whatever it is off your chest before tonight, you'll regret it by the morning. You know you will," he said reasonably, knowing how the smallest frustrations could affect the wolf and leave Remus in the infirmary for extended periods afterwards.

"I'll be fine," Remus whispered, looking up at Sirius now. He kept his arm resting beneath his chin. "I will..."

"Will _we _be fine, though?" Sirius accidentally snapped, because sometimes it wasn't just Remus that the wolf went for, then straightened in his seat and sighed. He tapped his fingers on the table and stared at Remus, squinting a little as if trying to fathom him. "Why won't you tell me?"

"_You'll_ be fine," Remus answered, his voice sharp. He crossed his arms over his chest, looking away. He clenched his jaw, sighing softly. "Because I don't even fucking know, okay? Is that an alright answer for you? I don't fucking know!"

Sirius scolded himself for making that mistake, and rubbed his temples, teetering on the edge of complete exasperation. "Calm down," he said, unusally reasonable and in a commendably sensible tone, or so Sirius thought. He would usually have snapped back, but they were trying their best not to argue. At least, Sirius was. "If you don't know, then don't let it work you up like this. It's pointless and, frankly, exhausting to watch."

"Then don't watch," Remus grumbled, standing up. He wiped his hands on his pants and headed for the library door, sighing. He didn't know what he was so worked up about, but he knew he needed to be alone to calm down.

"Moony." Sirius watched him stand, but made no move after him. "_...Remus_." And then he was gone, leaving Sirius alone in the library, of all places. He pushed the book Remus had been reading onto the floor and kicked the chair he'd been sat in, so that it skidded out from beneath the table and hit the bookshelf behind. Madam Pince escorted him out shortly after, of course, and Sirius found himself stood on the third floor landing, trying to work out why being with Remus Lupin was so bloody difficult.

Remus sat in the window of the Astronomy tower, closing his eyes. He was able to calm down after twenty minutes, and he stood up. He shoved his hands into his pockets, then headed off to find Sirius.

After walking back down to the Great Hall to find James and Peter already gone, and pick up a sausage, Sirius returned to the commonroom. He could have done with discussing the night's plan with them both, like they did every evening before the full moon, despite it being the same plan every time, but it could wait, he supposed, and sat himself down in one of the comfy chairs opposite the fire to brood.

Remus headed to the common room. As he was entering through the portrait hole, however, he tripped, and went thoroughly flying across the room. He landed in the middle of the room and rolled to a stop in front of the fire. "Mother_fucker_," he muttered, a slight moan of pain tingeing his voice. "Bloody fucking hell..." He forced himself to sit up slowly, rubbing his forehead.

Sirius, who had been lost in his thoughts as he stared into the flames, jumped violently as Remus flopped down at his feet spewing expletives. "_Merlin's_ beard! You- Fuck! I almost kicked you out of reflex for my well-being! I thought you were a bloody- I don't even... Fuck!" Sirius stuttered, clutching his chest as though still on the verge of having a coronary.  
He panted for a moment until his heartbeat levelled out again, and then swallowed hard. "Are you alright?"

Remus curled slightly, wrapping his arms around his knees and looking into the fire. "I'm fine. And I'm sorry for...well, the majority of today," he whispered, then buried his face between his knees, closing his eyes. More than anything, he was embarrassed. He bit his lip, closing his eyes tighter.

Sirius shifted to sit on the very edge of the chair and touched Remus on the back of the neck.  
"S'not your fault," he shrugged, scratching through the hair at the base of Remus' neck soothingly, and then decided to shift onto the floor to sit beside him.  
"Besides, it started off pretty good. Y'know, the bit over there on the sofa?" Sirius wiggled his eyebrows, and then his smile drooped a little, and he propped his chin in one hand while making circles on Remus' back with the other. "Maybe you could say something to James though, yeah? He really didn't mean anything."

"I know," Remus said softly. "I just think tonight is going to be especially brutal for me..." He sighed quietly and shook his head, slumping further and closing his eyes. "I'm sorry for being so difficult, though."

"We could make sure this afternoon is especially nice, then?" Sirius smiled, a little wicked behind the eyes as he nudged Remus to look at him. "If you know what I mean?"  
He let his hand slide down Remus' back. "Under the condition that you stop apologizing, of course. This isn't even the most difficult you've been before, and until you start throwing things and tearing down the bed curtains, it will remain extremely far off," Sirius grinned, playfully.

Remus smiled, leaning into Sirius. "Especially nice is alright with me," he said softly, lifting his head slowly and looking up at him. "I'm so _not_ looking forward to tonight..." Remus sighed heavily, foreboding rising in him again. He took a deep breath. "It's going to be bad."

"Is it ever anything less than bad?" Sirius countered with a small sigh, fingers idly plucking Remus' shirt untucked near his hip. "Just, I don't know, stop thinking about it. Stop thinking. I'm gonna make you stop thinking, okay?"  
"Please don't murder Moony? The rest of us'd be dead within the week without him to keep us from setting one another on fire," James suddenly pleaded from where he stood beside the large, comfy chair, and Peter, who, Sirius pondered up at him from that particular angle, looked rather like a large, comfy chair.  
"I'm wasn't planning to," Sirius assured, then turned and winked at Remus as he continued. "Although, 'shagged to death' is looking like it could be a possible epitaph."

Remus sighed. "It'll be worse..." he whispered. He turned to glance at James when he heard the other Marauder's voice, then turned back, sighing quietly. He bumped Sirius' shoulder with his own. "Although that wouldn't be so bad, I believe James asked us not to talk about that in front of him," Remus said softly, trying to make an effort at civility, in the least. He looked back into the fire, his expression somewhat unreadable.

"I suppose that one was a bit funny," James conceeded, seeing that Remus was making an effort and returning the gesture with an awkward smile, and a private nod of thanks to Sirius.  
"Yeah, I'm just a comedic genius," Sirius agreed dismissively, and stood, offering Remus a helping hand up, before turning to James and Peter. "But you're gonna have to find your laughs elsewhere, because Moony and I have a... thing, there's a thing, that we have. To do. Away from you both."  
James grimaced slightly, but nodded. "Yep, whatever," he said, voice a little high, and looked at his watch. "Just have him back in time for Pomfrey, or she'll _put_ us in the infirmary herself."

Remus used Sirius' hand to help pull himself up. "Don't worry, James," he said, almost flippantly, and ran a hand through his hair. He looked up at Sirius arching an eyebrow. "We ought to go do that thing," he said, blinking. He kept a straight face, and it almost sounded as if he were talking about something as casual as going to the library.

"Pom-Pom wouldn't do any such thing. Not to me, anyway," Sirius said smugly, and grabbed a handful of the back of Remus' shirt, steering him toward the door. "Have fun without us, won't you?"  
"We'll try," James muttered dryly, watching Sirius walk backwards toward the portraithole, using Remus as a guide to prevent tripping over a rug.  
Once outside, he let go of Remus and gave him a sidelong grin, before speaking the most terrifying words one could ever hear coming from the mouth of Sirius Black. "I have an idea."

"Oh, Merlin," Remus said. "What, now?" He tilted his head to the side, lifting one eyebrow. He was obviously unsure of the outcome of this idea of Sirius'.

He guided the way down several corridors, down two staircases and, oddly enough, back up one again, before they managed, finally, to tumble into a completely empty hallway, where Sirius stopped abruptly and turned to Remus with a satisfied sigh.  
He backed up against the wall and pulled Remus toward him by the front of his shirt. "Kiss me."

"Yes, sir," he whispered, gripping the front of Sirius' shirt and kissing him passionately, pressing his body against the it's boy's.

Sirius wrapped an arm around Remus' back and when they pulled apart to catch their breath, rested their foreheads together and whispered conspiratorially. "We could do with some privacy, wouldn't you agree? Somewhere there was no chance of being stumbled upon, or interrupted?" Remus had to want it to, for this plan to really succeed, so he coaxed the answer out of him with further kisses, and bites and sucks to his neck.

"Yeah..." Remus whispered, pressing into Sirius slightly. He looked up at the other boy, his eyes slightly wide as he bit his lip.

"Yeah," Sirius repeated, as a whisper against Remus' jaw, and shifted smoothly so that he was pressed against the wall instead. Only, it wasn't a wall, although that is most certainly what it had been a moment ago. In place of the _very recent but no longer there_ wall, was a door, and with a smirk and a quick turn of the handle, Sirius backed Remus into the room beyond.  
He surveyed the room with a hand still tangled in Remus' hair, then looked at him, expectant of some form of praise. "Right?" he beamed.

"Well, fuck me in-" Remus cut himself off, blushing. "How'd you find out about this place?" he asked, tilting his head to the side. He was smiling a bit.

"I intend to," Sirius assured him wickedly, stepping closer to Remus again to kiss him, but was cut off by Remus' question. He paused and scratched his head. "Well, it was an accident at first. I was dying for a pee this one day and suddenly there was a bathroom where there had never been a bathroom before. Next time, me and James were hiding from Filch, thought I'd be clever and go to the secret bathroom, but it wasn't there," his mouth twisted in a pout for a second, then burst into another grin, "but then it _was_! Only, it wasn't a bathroom, it was this cool hideout, and we could see Filch out on the corridor but he had no idea we were there. Then we spent some time experimenting with it and worked out that it gives you what you need, when you need it most."  
He strolled over to the bed that was the size of all of their dormitory beds put together, and plopped down on the edge, patting the spot beside him. "Apparently _we_ need a mattress roughly the size of a Quidditch pitch."

Remus perched next to him, smirking. "Apparently," he answered. He scratched the back of his neck, looking down with a smirk. "Now, where were we?"

"Oh, I was about to fuck you in the-" he began, letting himself be interrupted by rolling on top of Remus, and pressing their lips firmly together.

Remus smiled, wrapping his arms around Sirius' neck. His fingers tangled into the other's hair as he kissed Sirius firmly, lips parting slightly.

He pushed his hands down Remus' thighs, fingers hooking behind knees and tugging his legs up around his hips to grind down on him. Sirius moaned, the noise stuttering out into a laugh and he pressed his face to Remus' neck. "I did think about it, you know?" he said, tone suddenly contemplative, and it was clear the conversation had changed topic.

"Think about what?" Remus whispered, a soft moan rising from his throat. He closed his eyes, biting his lip and smiling a bit.

"This. You and me," he replied, still not actually facing Remus, but burrowing apparently behind his ear and into his hair. "Before, I mean. I thought about it before it happened."

"Did you?" Remus asked softly, tilting himself so he could see Sirius. "That makes me pretty happy."

"What, you thought you just converted me overnight?" he turned to look at Remus and laughed lightly, burrowing his head again when he felt the beginning of a flush in his cheeks. "I didn't understand what I felt, I think. Or I just didn't let myself dwell on it long enough to work it out."  
He kissed Remus softly, a sort of apology, and bit his lip, furrowing his brow. "Happy? Really? It makes _me_ sort of frustrated."

"It makes me happy because I feel like I'm a tad less weird for it," Remus said softly, playing with the collar of Sirius' shirt. "I only dwelled on it because I'm such a worrier..."

Sirius took Remus' hand and put it to the side of his face, closing his eyes against the touch. "How _long_ did you dwell on it?" he asked, a mischieviously smug smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.

"Why does that matter?" Remus asked as he lifted one eyebrow. "Going to use it against me?"

"Definitely," Sirius grinned. "Is it embarrassing? Did it start from when we first met? It did, didn't it? It is like that for most people, though. I'm the most popular cause of love-at-first-sight, you know? Fact." He laughed cheekily and slipped his hand up under Remus' shirt.

Remus' eyes rolled. "Prat. No, I think it was that time last summer when we were all down at that lake. I think it was, like, July or something," he said quietly, closing his eyes and beginning to unbutton Sirius' shirt.

Sirius paused with his hand over Remus' heart and stared down at it silently for a moment. "That's not long at all," he mumbled, and had begun to chew his lip again. When he looked up at Remus' face, it was lucky he had his eyes closed or the following confession may never have made it past his lips. "Mine was before that," he added quietly.

Remus trailed his hands down Sirius' chest slowly. "I'd been thinking about it for a year or so before that, but that kind of cemented it," he said softly. "When did you...?"

"I don't know," he shook his head a little as he tried to reach back in his memories, but suddenly, in a way he'd never been able to recall before, it was there. _The_ moment. And he could remember it vividly, remember the way his heart tugged in his chest, as if Remus had looped a rope around it and was tugging it toward himself, and the dry mouth, and tingling in his hands.  
"No, I do," he corrected himself. "It was after we'd secured our animagus, the first time we got to actually see you... change. And the morning after, in the infirmary, I looked at you and you _smiled_."  
Sirius stared wonderously at Remus, searching his face and letting out an incredulous laugh. "And I thought, 'how does he do that every morning after what I'd just witnessed?' You are _so_incredible..."

Remus looked down, smiling slightly. "I only do it because if I don't, I dwell on the night before," he said softly, looking up at Sirius quietly.

"And it's incredible," Sirius repeated, firmly, and covered his mouth with his own before Remus could reply with another modest dismissal. Sirius rocked against Remus again to shut him up properly, and made quick work of unbuttoning his shirt for him, shirking off his own once it was open, and reaching down to start on Remus' pants.

Remus moaned quietly, not replying because, well, he couldn't. He dropped his hands to Sirius' hips, closing his eyes. Incredible? That was a bit unlikely, at least in his opinion, but he didn't want to question it.

Once open, Sirius hooked both hands into the waistband of Remus' trousers and boxers, and proceeded to tug them both down his thighs, a satisfied grin spreading across his face. He knelt up and started on his own, leaving Remus to finish wriggling out of his, and once they were both undeniably naked, Sirius paused, looking down at him.  
It was lasting a little long, Sirius realized, around the minute mark, but he just couldn't say it any faster, and when he finally did, it came out on a breath. Exhaled, and reverent. "I love you."

Remus felt a chill run down his spine as Sirius looked at him. He bit his lip, looking up at the other boy. As soon as he spoke, though, he released his lip. For a moment, he was unable to speak. "I love you, too," he breathed. Remus' hands rested softly against Sirius' waist.


	12. Chapter 12

"Good," Sirius nodded, almost casual, but a little too enthusiastic with the nodding, which probably kind of gave away how his head was swimming. His head buzzed, and his skin tingled, and strangely he was both hot and cold at the same time. He'd known Remus loved him, but hearing it out loud was something different. "That's good. That we both- I mean, it's convenient; the loving. One another..." he was rambling, and he knew it, but he was smiling like the sun and at least he hadn't rolled off the bed laughing with joy, which is kind of what he felt like doing.  
There was, of course, something else that he _really_ needed to do first, though. "Come here," he growled, and leaned back into Remus to catch his lips between his own in a hard kiss.

"It's a very good thing," Remus agreed softly before Sirius cut him off. He kissed him back, giddiness and passion and just pure _happy_ all thrown together into that one kiss. He moved his arms up to wrap around Sirius' neck, eyes closing happily.

An indeterminate amount of time later, Sirius lay a foot away from Remus panting, a hand pushed back into his sweaty hair to let some air get to his forehead. His mouth hung open as he glanced sideways and flopped his unoccupied hand across the bed to touch the sweat-curled hair behind Remus' ear.

Remus took a deep breath and calmed his heart rate. "Bloody hell," he breathed, muscles relaxing. He turned his head to look at Sirius and blinked, smiling a bit. "Coming here was a good idea..."

"You're bloody right '_bloody hell_'!" Sirius suddenly laughed, and finally untangled his hand from his hair to clutch at his heart, which was making no effort to slow down.  
"That was... _rough_. You bit me, and, and did... _things_, that I hadn't even thought of!" he sounded scandalized and delighted all at once, and propped himself up on an elbow to grin down at Remus. "It was brilliant!"

Remus smiled. "Figured I'd make up for tonight early," he shrugged, taking Sirius' hand. "I don't really know where any of that came from..."

Sirius surrendered his hand to Remus and watched him with tired eyes. "I don't care where it came from, just keep it coming," he mumbled, smiling and then yawned. "We should use the rest of our time to sleep, though. Padfoot wears me out."

Remus nodded, shifting closer. "Wolf wears me out, too," he mumbled and looked down, running his fingertips across Sirius' palm slowly. "You're right, though."

"Moony, I'm always right," Sirius said matter-of-factly, and flopped back down beside him. He wriggled into a comfortable position, curled in toward the other boy with his nose just brushing against Remus' shoulder, and closed his eyes with a sigh.

Remus sighed softly. "I'm going to pretend that's not a lie," he said, smiling a bit and wiggling closer to Sirius, letting his hair touch the other boy's forehead. He closed his eyes, letting his hand slip away from Sirius' and resting it on the bed between them instead.

Sirius breathed Remus in until the smell of chocolate and sweat lulled him to sleep.  
He awoke a while later with a start, the taste of blood in his mouth. He touched his fingers to his lips and looked, before sitting up quickly and checking Remus was still there beside him, and breathing. He was, and Sirius let out a stuttered breath of relief, before putting a desperate hand on Remus' neck to wake him.  
"Get up, Moony," he said quietly, and tapped him on the side of the face, before shuffling off the edge of the bed and grabbing their clothes, throwing Remus' on top of his chest, to begin pulling on his own underwear.

Remus woke, twitching his head away from Sirius' hand. He opened his eyes, frowning, and stood to dress. He sighed once he was done and stretched, lifting his arms above his head. "Fuckin...I so don't want to..."

Sirius dressed silently, replaying his nightmare in his head, looking up only when Remus spoke to him.  
He finished buttoning his shirt and knowing there was nothing else he could do, straightened the hem of Remus' shirt for him. "I'll be in the infirmary when you wake up," he promised, using his hold on Remus' shirt to tug him toward the door.

Remus nodded a bit. "You alright?" he asked, noticing the shift in Sirius' mood. He couldn't gauge it, though, and it confused him a bit. He followed obediently, though, putting his hand on the other boy's arm.

"Yeah," Sirius nodded, though a little uncertain, a squeezed Remus' hand on his arm, before pulling away from the touch and tugging the door open. "C'mon, if I don't deliver you to Pom-Pom in time, Prongs'll team up with her to beat the shit out of me." And he began leading the way back to the commonroom.

Remus rolled his eyes, smiling, but it stuck in the back of his mind that he didn't think Sirius was being all that honest. His smile slipped and gave way to a concerned frown, and he swallowed apprehensively.

When they entered the portraithole, James and Peter were waiting by the sofas.  
"Thank Merlin, I didn't want to have to kick your arse and wear myself out before this," James said, rising from where he had perched on the arm of the sofa, arms folded as he stared at the entrance of the commonroom. "You've got... Are those _creases_ on your face? Have you been asleep?" He added incredulously, pointing at Sirius' face.  
"There was some sleeping done," Sirius admitted with a shrug, and rubbed his cheek as he glanced at Remus. "Amongst other things."

Remus rolled his eyes. "Any idea how much energy it take to rip yourself to shreds and then go back to normal life in the morning, James?" he asked goodnaturedly, smiling as he rubbed his neck. He'd slept on his back, so his face shouldn't have been at all creased- he hated that word- but for all he knew, it might've been. He glanced up at Sirius. "You could at least try not to look so satisfied with yourself."

"I'm guessing a lot, Moony?" James pondered, lowering himself to sit on the arm of the sofa again and jerking his head at Sirius. "You probably could have done with conserving whatever you wasted on this prat."  
Sirius gave a conceeding nod and a shrug, that said he was probably right, but what's done is done, and plonked himself down on the sofa behind James. "So, what did you and Wormtail get up while we were gone, then? Or did you just sit here and pine for us?"

Remus rolled his eyes, sitting on the floor with his back to the fire and taking a deep breath. "Can we just skip over tonight?" he asked, sighing softly and leaning his head on his hand silently.

Sirius chewed his thumbnail to hide the frown, as he watched Remus in front of the fire. James spun around to face him too, and propped his legs over Sirius' lap, who seemed too deep in thought to bother pushing them off.  
"As if nobody has found a cure for it yet," James sighed, incredulously. "I mean, it's nineteen-seventy-seven, for Merlin's sake! And not _one soul_ has found a scrap of magic to at least bloody make it less painful? It's ridiculous, if you ask me."  
"Hear hear," Sirius mumbled from around his thumb.

"You're telling me," Remus muttered, sighing. "I wish someone would create _something_ that could at least kindasorta help..."

"If only you weren't so shit at Potions, Moony, you could've done it yourself," Sirius pointed out, finally coming out of his daze and attempting to shove James' muddy trainers off his knee. "Get off, you great antler-head! You're getting me filthy!"  
"You were already filthy; mind, body, and soul," James shot back, suddenly trying to pull himself free from where Sirius was unlacing his shoes. "I need those on! We'll be going out soon, you pillock!"  
"Then _get off me_," Sirius resolved, but had already slipped James' left trainer off and ended the conversation by flinging it over toward the dormitory staircase, before turning back to him with a shit-eating grin.

"Maybe you ought to ask James' girlfriend to do it, then, Padfoot," Remus shot back, shaking his head. He sighed, standing up slowly, and retrieved James' shoe for him. He dropped it onto the other Marauder's lap, then dropped onto a chair quietly.

"If you wanna tell Lily about your furry little problem, Moony, I'm down with that. I've been dying to show her Prongs for ages, and it'd be a good segway-"  
"I _bet_ you've been dying to show her your "prongs"," Sirius sniggered, and then tutted as Remus headed for James' shoe.  
"You should've let Sirius _fetch_ it," James glared at his best friend and thanked Remus as he slipped his trainer back on.  
"Fetch _this_!" Sirius countered, tackling James off the side of the couch so that they landed in a pile at Remus' feet.

"What furry little problem? And whatever prongs you're talking about, Sirius, had better stay the hell away from me," Lily Evans was suddenly standing behind where James had been sitting. She had her arms crossed over her chest stubbornly, making it obvious she wasn't leaving until she got answers.

Remus blushed and sank into the chair, his expression betraying his thoughts, which were a mixture of 'Dammit James/Sirius' and 'Well, fuck'.

The moment he heard her voice James went rigid, and Sirius' hand made a pathetic slapping noise as it came into contact with his friend's face, before realizing they'd stopped. James sat up over Sirius, where he'd managed to pin him on the ground, and straightened his glasses. "Wotcher, Evans," he said, a little high pitched, and scrambled to his feet. "Just talking about, uh, Moony's- his, err, _rabbit_!"  
"Rabbit!" Sirius echoed, sprawled on the floor, trying not to cry laughing. He pawed at Remus' foot in a way that said _Are you hearing this? You have a rabbit!_

Remus couldn't help but laugh. "Why don't you tell Lily my rabbit's name, James?" he said, tilting his head to the side.

Lily looked confused. "Why do you even... whatever, letting that bit go. What's going on?"

"Its-?" James asked desperately, eyes wide as he glanced between Remus and Lily. "Right, its name. Yeah, well, it's..."  
Luckily, Lily cut him off, and he ran a hand through his messy hair, trying to lean against the sofa casually. "Nothing," he said quickly, succeeding in making things increasingly suspicious. "We were just... with the rabbit, discussing it and- well, it got a little physical there, but that was because of my shoe, unrelated, and, uh..."  
He trailed off and an awkward silence descended, the only sound was Sirius' whining from where he'd buried his head against Remus' feet to laugh.

Remus sighed. "No time like the present to tell the truth, eh, boys?" he asked, lifting his eyebrows. He looked around at the other Marauders, awaiting a response. "Because I think that Miss Evans over here is going to figure it out anyway..."

Lily looked even more confused. "Alright, what the hell are you even talking about, Remus?" she asked, sighing.

Sirius' laughing sniffled to a halt and he looked up at Remus curiously. "Really?" James asked, before Sirius had time to find his voice. He'd sat up, all the recent mirth wiped from his face, and began chewing his thumbnail again as though completely disinterested. The rest of the group looked to Remus, expectantly.

Remus swallowed and looked at Lily, who had at some point sat on the arm of the couch, watching Remus as silently and expectantly as the boys.

"Lily, see, I'm..." he trailed off and took a deep breath. "I'm a werewolf." He looked down, unsure how she would react or how his friends would react; he tended not to use the term 'werewolf' often.

James, who had been watching, wide-eyed, as Remus spat it out, slid his gaze sideways to Lily's face. Sirius glanced up from beneath his fringe, and after a beat of silence, pulled his thumb out of his mouth. "Little more _shocking_ than a rabbit, isn't it?" he snapped, and planted his back against Remus' chair, looking away, when James shot him a glare.

Lily appeared taken aback completely and, for once, was speechless. After a few moments, she gained enough control to ask a simple question. "Wait...really?"

Remus nodded at her, then kicked Sirius lightly, glaring at him as well. "Must you?" he asked, somewhat sharply.

"_Moon_-y," James was demonstrating to Lily, when Sirius, upon being kicked, stood up and turned on Remus.  
"Must _you_?" he shot back, irritated, and realizing that for once he didn't want to make a scene in front of the entire commonroom, stormed off toward the dormitory.  
The sound of the door slamming had just echoed through the tower, when Madam Pomfrey climbed through the portraithole to whisk Remus away.

Lily watched the events unfold in silence, concern for Remus' welfare and, shockingly enough to her, at Sirius' outburst and sudden absence, entering his features.

Remus shook his head, looking down, and stood slowly, turning to Madam Pomfrey in silence still. He blinked and stepped forward, watching the woman.

James gave Madam Pomfrey a small smile and patted Remus on the back. "I'll go talk to him. Prongs'll see you later," he added cryptically, and let his friend be escorted away, before turning to Lily with a timid smile.  
"You probably have a lot of questions, I'm guessing, which Pete, here, will do his best to answer for you while I just," James glanced desperately at the fourth Marauder, silent as always, and began backing away toward the dormitories. "I just have to go make sure Sirius is okay."

Peter nodded. "Of course," he said, and turned to Lily as Remus walked out with Madam Pomfrey, hanging his head in silence.

Lily looked at Peter with an eyebrow lifted. "Well? Want to explain?"

"Well, see, Remus was attacked by this werewolf named Fenrir...Greyback, I think it was...and we found out in second year about the monthly disappearances being because of the werewolf thing. We call it his furry little problem, even though it isn't particularly furry, nor is it little. It's more just a problem...so we wanted a way to help him. It took a long time, but we're all..." he paused, looking around to make sure they were alone.

James took the stairs two at a time, and flung the dormitory door open, pacing over to Sirius when he spotted him sat on his own bed. He stood over him, and sighed when Sirius refused to look up. "Padfoot, I don't know what your problem is all of a sudden, but we can talk about it tomorrow, because right now we've got stuff to do."  
Sirius looked up slowly, and there was something in his eyes that reminded James of first-year Sirius, unpredicatble and wild behind the eyes. "Just leave it until we're finished

tonight," James reiterated, a subtle begging tone to his voice. "Moony needs us."

Remus went out to the Willow with Madam Pomfrey as his friends all conversed.

Lilly's eyes widened. "What are your animagi?" he asked.

"I'm a rat- Wormtail. We call Remus 'Moony' and Sirius is Padfoot because his is a black dog. James turns into this huge stag named Prongs," Peter answered.

James and Sirius descended the staircase moments later.  
"Prongs," James said at the same time as Peter as he came up behind Lily, waving a hand at her as if he was introducing himself. "That's me."  
Sirius grabbed James' arm and twisted it so he could read his watch. "Sorry, Evans, I know you'll be having a hard time digesting this, but we have to go herd a _werewolf_ right now, so forgive me if I'm not overly concerned. See you in Charms, tomorrow," he muttered, barely sparing her a glance as he slipped between her and James and stalked toward the portraithole.

James and Sirius descended the staircase moments later.

"Prongs," James said at the same time as Peter as he came up behind Lily, waving a hand at her as if he was introducing himself. "That's me."

Sirius grabbed James' arm and twisted it so he could read his watch. "Sorry, Evans, I know you'll be having a hard time digesting this, but we have to go herd a _werewolf_ right now, so forgive me if I'm not overly concerned. See you in Charms, tomorrow," he muttered, barely sparing her a glance as he slipped between her and James and stalked toward the portraithole.

Peter looked slightly uncomfortable as Sirius spoke. "I'll probably be back first...I just hit the knot on the tree." With that, he scampered out after Sirius, glancing over his shoulder at James. As soon as the two had left, Lily stood up.

"So, a stag, Potter?" she asked, smiling slightly. "Guess you'd better go save the school, huh?"

James watched Peter go after Sirius, and rubbed his neck awkwardly as Lily smiled at him. Girls didn't make James Potter awkward, but Lily Evans definitely did.  
"Uh, yeah, I mean, it had to be something big because Pete had already chosen his and we'd have been useless otherwise," James shrugged, and then finally met her eye when she spoke again. He shook his head. "It's not- he's not dangerous. I mean, yeah, he's- of course he's dangerous, but not with us. That's what we're there for, we keep him in check."  
James glanced at his own watch and frowned at Lily apologetically. "I, uh, do you mind if we talk about this tomorrow?"

She took a step closer, looking up at him. She hadn't realized until now how much of a height difference they had. "We'll see," she answered. Lily leaned up to quickly brush her lips against his cheek. "It's getting late, anyway. Goodnight, James."

With that, she turned and walked toward the stairs to the girls' dormitory, not looking back.

Peter's eyes found Remus, a staircase and a half below them. He and Pomfrey apparently hadn't gotten all that far. Moony already appeared to be in excruciating pain, bending over slightly with his arms wrapped around his stomach.

James froze as Lily kissed his cheek and stood, gobsmacked until she had turned away and then finally let out the breath he'd been holding. "Y-yeah, goodnight, Lily."  
He waited until she'd sashayed up the dormitory stairs and then touched his cheek, grinning, before jogging out of the commonroom. He quickly caught up to the other two animagi, patting Peter on the shoulder as he dropped into step beside them. "You guys won't believe what just happened to me," he laughed.

Peter looked up. "I bet I'd believe it," he answered. He had a pretty good idea; Lily had seemed oddly starstruck at James' animagus form. Peter couldn't help but smile. "Tell us anyway." Remus glanced back, pain on his face. He swallowed and looked to Madam Pomfrey again.

"Evans, as in _Lily Evans_," he emphasised, in case they mistook her for a different Evans that had been stood in the commonroom talking to them for the last ten minutes, "just _kissed _me. On the cheek, like, but _still_. Her _lips_ came into contact with me."  
"Oh, well isn't she just charming the pants off us all tonight," Sirius grumbled, a moment prior to catching Remus' eye and seeing the pain on his face.  
"Oh, fuck off, Padfoot," James snapped, though with no real anger, because who could be angry after they'd just been kissed by the girl they'd been after for six years. "You said you'd save it 'til tomorrow, remember?"

Remus trembled slightly. As Madam Pomfrey sped up, he did, too, his heartbeat racing now. He swallowed, closing his eyes as they walked.

Peter smiled. "Well, that's great, James," he said in a weak attempt to lighten the mood. He looked down at Remus and Madam Pomfrey and he frowned, biting his lip.

"Thanks, Wormtail," James sighed happily, wondering about how he could try and get another kiss of her tomorrow, ignoring Sirius' peevishness and oblivious to Remus a couple staircases below in agony.  
When they reached the entrance hall, James hurried Peter and Sirius into an alcove behind a suit of armour. "Pete, get the cloak out, quick," he whispered, keeping an eye on Remus and Pomfrey as the nurse pulled out her wand to open the great doors.

Remus was now doubled over, clutching at his stomach and closing his eyes. Peter quickly pulled the cloak out and threw it over them, sighing softly.

They slipped out of the doors at the last minute, almost not making it through in an attempt to keep at a reasonable distance. They let Remus and the school nurse head off toward the willow and when they were out of sight, James whipped the cloak off.  
"Merlin's beard, Pete, did you let one off under there?" he bent over, bracing his hands on his knees to gag.  
"We're right outside the door, you idiot, get the cloak back on," Sirius chided, but James was frowning and shaking his head enthusiastically. "At least let's get somewhere _under cover_, until Pomfrey fucks off."

Peter rolled his eyes in annoyance and pulled the cloak back over them. "Sod off, Prongs," he muttered. He saw the flick of a window curtain in Gryffindor Tower and frowned as try continued. Remus had begun making an almost retching-like sound, his vocal chords shifting from those of the fairly timid boy to the angry, vengeful ones of the wolf.

Sirius shushed Peter and James as they argued beneath the cloak, and led the way, sticking to the walls of the castle.

When they could go no further without being out on open ground, Sirius pressed his back against the wall, sliding down to sit in the dirt. "And now we wait..."

"And now we wait," James echoed, dropping to sit beside him and tugging Peter down too. They had a perfect view out across Hogwarts lawns, to where Remus and Pomfrey stood before the great tree.

Remus waited. Madam Ponfrey was able to touch the knot on the large, swinging tree. It froze. She brought the agonized boy to the passageway, where he disappeared. She quickly skirted the edges of the tree and headed back to the entrance hall doors.

Peter stayed between his two taller friends, biting his lip nervously. From the looks of it, Remus was in even more acute pain than usual. As he walked, since he knew he had to, Moony clawed slightly at the neckline of his shirt, pulling it off so that at least it would maybe escape unscathed by the wolf's annoying levels of anger.

James elbowed Sirius as soon as he spotted Pomfrey retreating back across the grounds toward the castle. They scrambled up together and readjusted the cloak.  
"Go do your thing, Wormtail," James kicked the smallest Marauder's foot lightly, before setting off across the lawn with Sirius. They stood at the edge of the willow's perimeter and waited for the tree to freeze, but before James could take a step toward the tunnel, Padfoot darted out from under the cloak and disappeared beneath the tree. James scooped up Sirius' clothes and sighed as he followed.

Peter did as he was told. He transformed and headed to the knot, avoided getting hit, and stilled the tree for the other two Marauders. Once James was through, Peter followed. Remus made it to the Shrieking Shack moments before Sirius, and ended up collapsing on the floor, gagging slightly.

Padfoot scampered into the shack moments after Remus had collapsed inside, and stood near the wall, panting. James, who had stuffed all of their clothes and wands behind the loose plank beneath the shack entrance, climbed through and quickly grabbed Remus by the arm to haul him up. "Merlin, you should be upstairs by now," he scolded gently, because they knew all too well what trouble letting the wolf run out of the tunnel before them could cause.

Remus whimpered softly, digging his fingernails into his side. His spine arched as his torso contorted into that of the wolf. "I hate this," he growled, writhing slightly.

"I know, mate," James said sadly as he lowered Remus onto the floor of the upstairs room where he transformed every month. "...See you tomorrow."  
He hesitated in the doorway to glance back at his friend one more time, and then left the room, closing the door behind him and hurrying down the stairs. He slipped his trousers off and stashed them away with the rest of the things, and turned to stag.  
Padfoot had laid out on the floorboards in the corner, head rested on his paws, and closed his eyes as they waited for it to happen.

A sudden, harsh screech signified the transformation process being through. The wolf, having taken over Remus' being, ripped the door open. He stalked down the stairs, snarling to himself as the floorboards creaked beneath his feet. Wormtail squeaked and ran between Padfoot and Prongs, rat tail flicking.

Padfoot sprang to his feet the moment he heard movement, and Prongs shifted on his hooves with apprehension, stepping in front of Wormtail as he scampered past. They all stilled as the wolf descended the stairs and then the two largest animagi bowed their heads, honouring the wolf's dominance, before Padfoot padded over to the tunnel to lead the way outside.

The wolf snarled until the rat dropped his head. He glowered at Prongs, waiting for him to follow Padfoot, and clenched his canine fists. His upper lip curled back, exposing long, shiny white fangs.

Prongs galloped down the tunnel after Padfoot, and when they had all emerged into the night, herded the werewolf off into the forest.  
The night went off without a hitch; the dog barking for attention when the wolf got distracted, and the stag using it's antlers to ward away from the village. And when muscles ached and the moon had thankfully begun making it's descent in the sky, they moved back toward the willow.


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: A bit shorter than usual, loves! This is written from a roleplay, so I have to wait for the other person to reply. But still, I like where it ends. Enjoy! There probably won't be another chapter for a while, and updates will be sporadic. Stick around, though! I love those who read consistently :) **

The wolf allowed himself, surprisingly placidly, to be herded back to the shack. Once they'd arrived back, however, the transformation back was especially awful. By the time it was over, Remus laid on the floor of the shack unconscious, vicious cuts and a few bruises marring his torso and face.

Prongs had guarded the upstairs as Remus made his change back, pacing at the head of the stairs, while Padfoot returned to lie in his corner. When the screams began to die down and the writhing wolf had folded itself back into the soft flesh of their friend, he loped up to the room and transformed in the corner.  
James went off to retrieve their clothes and wands, while Sirius sat with his back against the wall, partially obscured by the broken bed-frame, staring at Remus with a hard frown.

Remus breathed shallowly, blood dripping from the side of his mouth. His arm laid over his torso, obscuring the worst of his injuries from sight. His body was entirely limp, helpless against the cold, battered wood of the floor. His chest rose and fell unsteadily, which wasn't entirely abnormal.

Peter waited for James to drop his clothes on the floor and walk up the stairs before he transformed and dressed.

James walked in pulling on his shirt, and threw Sirius' clothes to him. Once James was fully dressed, he pulled one of the dusty rags that was once a bedsheet from the dilapidated four-poster and knelt down beside Remus to cover him.  
"Don't touch him!" Sirius said sharply, and James stalled for a second, before continuing what he was doing.  
"Just get dressed," James huffed back, irritated that Sirius hadn't at least worked off a little of his mood being Padfoot.

Remus was still other than the weak breathing. Blood coated most of his mouth, and despite his unconscious state, he could taste and smell it.

Peter made his way up the stairs once he was dressed, concerned for Remus' wellbeing.

Sirius stood up and turned away to get dressed as James dabbed at the cuts and blood on Remus' mouth with the edge of the bedsheet, muttering swear words under his breath. He glanced up, and had to double take when he caught sight of the scarlet blotch on Sirius' lower side.  
"You- Sirius, you're bleeding!" James made to stand up, but then remembered he was holding a particularly gruesome gash closed near Remus' neck, and gestured Peter to help. "Check it out, Wormtail."

Peter nodded and did as he was told, approaching Sirius timidly. Looking up at the other boy, he gestured a bit to the wound. "May I...?" he asked.

"_No_, you may _not_," he snapped, but James shot him one of those looks, and Sirius gave Peter a resigned sigh, lacing his fingers together over his head to allow him a better view of his waist. "It's just a fucking scratch."  
"Then it'll take no time for Pete to heal it up, so shut up, and let him get on with it," James growled, his patience withering. "_Christ_, couldn't you have just stayed a dog until I had the energy to deal with you?"  
"Deal with _this_, you pompous prick!" Sirius removed one hand from his head and stuck his middle finger up, angrily. He'd have thrown something if he wasn't wary of accidentally hitting Remus.

Peter pulled his wand out and muttered a quick healing spell, healing the large scratch. He bit his tongue, though he really wanted to sass Sirius. Desperately, actually. He turned on his heel when he was done, muttering, 'You're welcome,' and walked back toward James and Remus. "We have to get him to the hospital wing soon...he doesn't look very good," he pointed out gently.

"Yeah, thanks," Sirius mumbled, in reply to Peter, and finished pulling his shirt on as the other two hovered over Remus.  
James ran a hand back through his hair as he thought. They usually left before sun-up, and then Madam Pomfrey came to retrieve Remus if he hadn't been too bad to already hobble his way to the hospital wing. He checked his watch and sighed. Pomfrey wouldn't arrive for at least another half an hour.  
"There's something different, isn't there? He looks worse than usual..." James admitted, worryingly. "We'll have to take him."  
"And say what? We found him wandering out on the lawn?" Sirius scoffed.

Peter glared at Sirius and knelt, touching his skin. "He's cool and moist. Clammy..." he murmured, looking up at James. "I don't care what we say, we have to get him inside to Madam Pomfrey as soon as possible." Remus had stirred slightly, but the action stopped practically before it started.

Sirius chewed his lip anxiously, but James had already nodded his agreement with Peter, and all he could do now was help. "Don't touch him," he said, softly, stepping up beside Peter and pulling his wand out. "We can levitate him there. It'll be easier for us and hurt him less."  
"Yeah, okay," James got to his feet and stood back as Sirius waved his wand and Remus' body rose off the floorboards, stopping at waist height and hovering there as if he was lying on an invisible table. "Alright, let's go."

Remus was like a dead body. His skin had grown paler, making him look even less alive. Peter, round faced as usual, watched his two taller friends, blinking quietly.

Sirius wrapped the besheet up around Remus before they set off back through the tunnel and toward the castle. It was a good hour before breakfast and the castle corridors were empty as they hurried across the castle to the hospital wing. The doors were closed when they reached the infirmary, and Sirius was just raising his free hand to knock, when James grabbed him by the wrist.  
"Wait," he said, biting his lip as though still cobblng together whatever idea he'd just had. "I think, maybe we could still do this without getting caught, y'know?"  
They'd been awake and running around the grounds for hours, so it took Sirius a moment to catch on. "I could put the cloak on," he realized, and James nodded with a bit of a smile. He threw the invisibility cloak over Sirius' head and then gently turned the great handle to push the huge door open. Much to his surprise, the thing didn't make a sound, and Sirius slipped in silently, lowering Remus onto the very end bed.

Remus' breathing was still shallow, his chest hardly rising and falling and only moving weakly. He didn't move other than this.

Peter watched Sirius, then James, saying nothing but listening to his thoughts.

Sirius reached a hand out from beneath the cloak and brushed the hair out of Remus' face, sighing sadly at the sight of him, and then turned away to hurry back out of the infirmary.  
James closed the door again quietly and they all stood in reverent silence for a moment.  
"Do you think he'll be alright?" Sirius whispered, and for someone who usually spoke like he was yelling over a crowd at a football match, it came as a slight shock. James exchanged a glance with Peter and put a hand on Sirius' shoulder.  
"I dunno, mate, but there's nothing we can do for him right now." James gave a comforting squeeze. "C'mon, we should go catch a couple of hours before breakfast. We'll come back and bring him some food then, yeah?"

Peter continued to watch the two, nervousness showing in his expression, particularly his eyes. He knew he wouldn't be able to sleep the few hours left, but that happened every full moon. All he could think about was if something was truly wrong, if Remus was right. The wolf had been particularly violent toward Remus during the transformations, and that scared him greatly.

Sirius had climbed into his bed wearing the clothes they'd spent most of the night in, kicking off his shoes before sliding under the covers and groaning. His eyes stung with sleep deprivation, even when they were closed, and the smell of dirt and blood - Remus' blood - stuck in his nostrils.  
James began snoring after a little while, but all Sirius could manage was to stare up at the canopy of his four-poster and watch the dust particles dance on the streams of sunlight as it began to creep in through the windows.

Remus woke sometime around midnight with a horrible, searing pain in his neck as well as his stomach. He emitted a quiet whimper of pain just as Madam Pomfrey happened to emerge from her office with a potion in hand.  
"Drink this, Remus. You'll feel better, well enough to heal your wounds. They're extensive, but nothing you can't handle."  
Remus managed a nod and Pomfrey helped him swallow the potion, an action he found oddly difficult. Once it was in his system, he was able to sit up as she walked away.  
"Episkey," he murmured, beginning to heal himself.


	14. Chapter 14

Sirius finally gave up his attempt at sleeping when the sun had risen enough to drown his bed in light, and he knew that even closing the bed curtains wouldn't cure his restlessness. He traipsed into the bathroom to wash the night off his skin, standing beneath the stream of hot water long enough that the stench of dirt and blood was obliterated by sharp-smelling cleaning products.  
He got changed to the sound of James and Peter still snoring soundly in their beds, and stopped by the kitchens to pick up some early breakfast, before slipping into the infirmary.  
Sirius pressed his back to the door once inside, worrying his lip as he watched Remus for a moment, until Madam Pomfrey bustled out of her office and startled at the sight of him. He smiled weakly. She was becoming fairly used to his presence on these mornings.

Remus laid down his wand and turned slightly to look at Sirius, managing a weak and painful half-smile. "Told you it'd be worse than usual. Proof I'm always right, eh?" He leaned back against the pillow holding him up, wincing slightly. "I want to show you something."  
He temporarily ignored Madam Pomfrey's presence, his smile fading from his mouth but staying in his eyes. Despite the intense pain all over his body and a bit of leftover anger from the wolf, as well as his weariness, Sirius' presence lifted his spirits slightly.

Pomfrey gave Sirius her usual warning look that told him to behave, and be quiet or she'd kick him out, and then grumbled her way back into the office.  
Sirius frowned across as Remus, who looked no better than he had hours ago when they delivered him into the hospital bed, apart from being able to sit up. He'd wanted to cling to the anger of the previous night, but found it increasingly dificult in the face of Remus' pain, sighing as he approached the bedside. "Always right about the worst things," he agreed, sadly, and lowered himself into the visitor's chair provided. "Show me what?"

Remus slid the sheet on him down to his waist, revealing a crisscrossed mess of fresh scars right above his heart. He stared at the raised white skin for a moment, tracing a finger over them, before lifting his eyes to Sirius' face. "He tried to claw my heart out," he whispered. Remus forced himself not to show his physical pain, forcing a calm and quiet expression onto his face.

Sirius flinched at the sight of it. He gritted his teeth and bowed his head into hands, sighing to cover up the sob of despair that threatened to escape him.  
He rubbed his sore eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose, a small attempt at collecting himself before he looked up at Remus again. "Is it my fault?"

Remus reached for Sirius' hand, giving him a reassuring smile. "Not at all. Nothing involved with the wolf is ever your fault," he said quietly, "and I don't want you to think that it is." He knew it was only partly true; the wolf didn't want him to be happy, and Sirius made him very happy, but so did reading and books and friends and chocolate...in different ways, but they made him happy. Remus sighed softly. "So just...don't think like that, okay?"

"But it's never done that before, has it?" Sirius asked desperately, and slipped his hand out of Remus'. "Gone for your heart like that? And the only thing that's different is- is _us_, isn't it, so what am I supposed to think?"  
He ran a hand through his hair and stared out of the window behind Remus' right shoulder.

Remus frowned. "_Sirius_," he sighed quietly. "I don't want you to...look, it goes after whatever's happy. My heart is happy, and it's never been that way before. Don't think it's your fault." He was kind of pleading now, his hand still hanging off the bed, empty and pale. His fingers slowly curled back and he withdrew his arm, looking down and closing his eyes for a moment.

Sirius dragged his gaze up to Remus. "Are you hearing yourself?" he snapped a little harshly. "It is _blatantly_ my fault!"  
He stood up, the restlessness that came with feeling a sickening combination of despair and guilt making it impossible for him to sit still. "Look, you can say it. We both know it's true, and why you're trying to avoid admitting it, but Remus, this could _kill_ you!"

Remus sat up slightly. "First of all, I don't want to fight with you about this. Second, look. If we stop whatever we've got going here, the wolf wins. To me, the happiness of myself and my friends is more important than the emotional stability of some goddamn wolf. So I'm a little volatile. Who gives a shit? All I want is for you, me, James, Peter...everyone we're friends with...to be happy. And if that means putting myself in danger... so be it. Sirius, please, just don't let it weight too heavily. I can tell you what every single one of these scars is from, but that's not going to change the fact that they're from times where I was happier than he wanted me to be." His voice had strengthened while he'd been speaking, and Remus ended up sitting fairly straight, using one arm to brace himself against the infirmary bed. He watched Sirius with a fairly enigmatic expression, revealing little emotion. "Just don't blame yourself, okay? If you've to blame someone, blame me. I've already accepted that the wolf doesn't want me happy."

"Maybe _I_ want to fight about this!" Sirius shot back, and then couldn't escape how juvenile it sounded, and sighed. He lowered himself back into the chair and slumped forward, exhaustion finally catching up with him and making him bone tired.  
"My happiness is dependant upon your wellbeing. And your wellbeing is dependant upon your happiness. So our choices are to either be miserable and safe, or happy and in danger." Sirius rubbed his head. "Brilliant."

"Oh, for Merlin's sake," Remus sighed fondly, reaching out a hand to brush Sirius' hair away from his face. "What happened to Sirius Black, dangerous prankster extraordinaire? Don't tell me you've gone soft on me." He smiled, then, swallowing. For once, he was arguing a point he wasn't 100% sure on. "I'd rather be happy and in danger."

"Oh, didn't you hear? He went and fell in love, and now he's a big girl's blouse." A tired smile tugged at the corner of his lips and he rolled his eyes. It slipped away again just as quickly though, and he stared at Remus hands where they withdrew from brushing his hair back.

"I honestly don't know which I'd rather be," he muttered quietly, and hoped Remus wasn't too offend by that confession.

Remus shifted, wincing slightly, until he was facing Sirius. He leaned his elbows on his knees. "I know it's hard to make that kind of decision. But I just...you need to follow whatever your heart says," he said softly, moving one hand to rest on Sirius' shoulder. Neither of us is very nice when we're miserable."

"Neither of us will be particularly nice if you're dead, either." He hadn't meant it to come out quite as abruptly as it did, and once he'd said it, the mere mention of Remus dying made his heart ache. If there was an easy way to resolve this, Sirius would have gone for it immediately, but there was only the wrong way and the hard way, and he had to choose.  
"My heart wants you to be safe," he said softly, and slipped Remus' hand off his shoulder to hold between his own.

Remus flinched at the mention if his own death. "I'm _not_ going to die," he insisted quietly, looking info Sirius' eyes. "I want both of us to be safe. But sometimes, happiness is more important than safety. Right now, once-monthly transformations are really all that's putting me in danger. The actual world is so much more terrifying." He looked down. "I've found that it's often best to just...live in the moment and forget about the dangers of life for a bit."

When Remus put it like that, it was hard to argue any longer. Sirius considered this for a moment, and nodded in agreement, albeit a little reluctantly. "Okay," he nodded vaguely, and then a little firmer, "Okay."  
He raised himself out of his seat just enough to press a firm kiss to Remus' lips, and then sat back down. "Just know that I won't forgive myself if the wolf _really_ hurts you. I won't forgive you, either, Mr Live-in-the-Moment."

Remus smiled. Using his foot to pull Sirius' chair a bit closer, he rolled his eyes a bit. "Well, the wolf won't hurt me badly, I promise," he said softly.

With a bit of a sigh, he looked down, giving a slight shake of his head. "Fucking werewolf just messes everything up, doesn't it?"

He knew Remus couldn't know that for good, and wanted to say as much, but let it slide. "He is a bit of a dick," Sirius smirked a little. He didn't even notice James and Peter approaching from behind him until James placed a hand on his shoulder.  
"Alright, Moony? You're looking better than you were at the crack of dawn. Had us worried a bit, there!" James smiled easily, and patted Sirius' back, which he knew in their own silent way meant_See? I told you he'd be fine._

Remus smiled slightly at James. "Still a bit sore and light-headed, a little banged-up, but other than that, I think I'm good," he said. "I'm surprised you aren't off chasing Lily. I mean, she did seem pretty...into you yesterday." He sat up slightly straighter, fixing the sheet on the bed and straightening it a bit.

The smile vanished off James' face instantly, and his hand slipped off Sirius' shoulder. "Fuck! Lily! I completely forgot! What time is it?" He asked, and then checked his own watch anyway before backing away from the bed again.  
"Moony, do you mind if I...? I mean, it's _Lily _and Sirius is already here, and there's Pete, too?" He pleaded, and Sirius hoped Remus would just let him go already before he got on his knees and begged.

Remus grinned, his eyes lighting up, and he coughed a bit. "Go for it, James. We all know she's important to you."  
He returned his eyes to Sirius', still smiling. He glanced at Peter, who was sitting at the end of the bed in a chair and munching on something. Remus gave Sirius' hand a squeeze and sat up straight again.

"Yes! Thank you! Moony's best man at the wedding!" James yelled over his shoulder, laughing as he ran back out of the infirmary. The echo of Sirius' '_over my dead body_' followed him out onto the corridor, where he paused to make the decision between the commonroom or the Great Hall. Breakfast would be finishing up pretty soon, and James banked on her being an early riser, so returned to the commonroom to find her.  
He jumped through the portraithole and scanned the room for the signature red hair, trying to catch his breath.

Remus just grinned and rolled his eyes. "How about not over your dead body," he said quietly, still smiling.

Lily sat by the fire with her Potions book open on her lap and her chin in her hand, skimming the lines quietly. Potions wasn't a good subject for her, and she wasn't that interested in it, but she knew that she needed to study. She didn't hear James come in, too focused on trying to learn more about Amortentia and how it was made.

Sirius smiled weakly back, the mention of Lily having rejogged his memory of the previous evening. He'd been rather annoyed by the spontaneous decision to let her in on only the most important secret, something Remus had kept from the Marauders for years before they had to wrestle it out of him and then still spend years of convincing and advanced transfiguration before he felt that they could be trusted with it.  
"Oh, yeah," Sirius muttered sullenly, "I forgot about our new Marauder."

James spotted her quickly and tried to compose himself before going over, running a hand through his hair and serving only to make it look messier. He strolled over to stand beside Lily, hovering over her a little nervously.  
"Morning," James smiled before dropping down to sit beside her and glancing at the textbook. The fact that he constantly felt like he'd just taken a dose of Amortentia every time he was near her did not escape him.

"She's certainly no 'new Marauder'. I just feel that since it's quite obvious she'll be spending a good bit of time with Prongs from now on, he was bound to let something slip eventually, and the rabbit story wasn't really holding up," Remus murmured, reaching out a hand to cup Sirius' chin gently. "I trust Lily to keep a secret. She's quite intelligent when she wants to be."

She glanced up at him and smiled. "Morning," Lily answered, marking her page and closing the book. She slid her hand out from the pages and turned to him, putting the book on the table. "How's Remus doing?"

"He wouldn't let anything slip," Sirius defended confidently, but the heat in him died down as Remus continued, and he sighed. "You might trust her, but I'm still not sure, so could we refrain from spilling _everything_ to her just yet, please? Just until they're at least _properly_ together, or something?"

James played with torn and flapping edge of her textbook to avoid having to look straight into those knee-weakening emerald eyes, and nodded. "Yeah, he's actually pretty alright. There was, uh, a bit of a worry this morning, but good old Poppy seems to have cleared it up, whatever it was."

"She'll never be able to know everything," Remus said softly, curling the tops of his toes around the legs of Sirius' chair and pulling him closer. "I promise you that much."

"Well, that's good. I'm glad he's okay now," she said, stacking a few pieces of parchment onto the textbook and laying her quill down onto it. While crossing her legs, she looked at him and spoke again. "I believe we have some-" she cleared her throat- "unfinished business from last night to attend to?"

James nodded in agreement, and began playing with the quill she'd placed down. His head snapped up when she cleared her throat and for a second he thought she was talking about the kiss. He stopped himself from reaching up to touch his cheek, because _no, she couldn't mean that!_  
"Oh, you mean- Yeah, you probably have a load of questions." James sat up and pushed his glasses further up his nose in some attempt to be accomodating and open for enquiry.

She swallowed and averted her eyes again, watching the flickering fire. Unable to keep from smiling, Lily allowed her lips to curve upward- only for a moment. "Well, no, that's not exactly what I meant. I know quite a bit about werewolves already, and, well...no, I didn't mean I had any questions at the moment."

Sirius used his proximity to the bed to rest his head on his arm beside Remus' knee and close his eyes. "You know what I mean," he stifled a yawn, and pulled one of Remus' hands onto his head in that silently insistent way he had of asking for a scratch. "I don't even know what we're talking about anymore, I'm so fucking tired."

"O-oh," James said, uncertain now whether he was wrong about her meaning the kiss. He licked his lips, just in case. "Well, what unfinished business were you, er, meaning?"

Remus smiled and complied quietly, his fingers slowly working over Sirius scalp. He lingered by the dark-haired boy's ears, knowing he liked especially being scratched there- a bit left over from Padfoot, Remus supposed. "Rest, then. I don't know why you don't ever sleep after I've transformed back," he murmured. "I know how much Padfoot can take out of you when you're busy."

Lily ran a hand through her hair, and other than her bangs falling back to brush her eyebrows, the cinnamon-colored strands fell back into place where they brushed her collarbones. "James, I think you and I both know exactly what I meant by 'unfinished business', unless you're a complete wanker and have that bad of a memory."

"I've told you so many times -_Merlin_, that's perfect, yeah, _right_ there- I can't sleep until I know you're awake," he groaned, relishing in the tingle of Remus' fingers across his scalp. He opened his eyes a fraction to peer up at Remus, haloed by the rising sun through the window behind him. "Anyway, I know you're fine now, so I'll just leave you in Wormtail's company and grab forty winks here. You'll want to use the time to prepare your explanations for exactly what was wrong with you this morning, and what you told Pom-Pom about how you got here."

James ducked his head to hide a smirk that was threatening to break out into a wild beam, and rubbed the back of his neck nervously. "No, I- yeah, I think I know, I just didn't want _you_ to think that _I_ thought it was something more than just a friendly little, you know," he swallowed and could only manage in a whisper, "_kiss_."

Remus chuckled lightly and pressed a gentle kiss to Sirius' temple, continuing his scratching. "Well, I'm sure Peter and I can think of something to tell Madam Pomfrey," he said softly. "Though I don't think she cares."

Lily was smiling fairly openly now, laughter hiding behind her eyes. "You're wasting daylight, Mr. Potter," she said, leaning back against the couch and turned her head to look at her. "And nervous, too. Never thought I'd see James Potter quite so unraveled." She was teasing him, and quite obviously, but that was common; her tone, though, was a bit different, more...challenging than it normally was.

Sirius had already started snoring softly before Remus could finish, but twitched slightly in his sleep as his muscles finally relaxed after almost a full twenty-four hours action.

James was close to gawking now, as she outright challenged him, and all he could think was how Sirius would have punched him by now for not just grabbing her and kissing her. "Yeah, you kind of unravel me," he admitted, and while he commended himself for keeping a steady voice, kind of cringed at how lovey-dovey he'd sounded.  
"I mean, you're just so-" he began, and then shook his head, unable to pull all of the bizarre and scary and awesome things she made him feel into an intelligible sentence on cue, and so simply leaned towards her and pressed his lips against hers.

"There you go," Remus murmured, beginning to rub Sirius' back now. "Oi, Pete. I think that we ought to put our heads together and come up with a backstory." His voice was quiet even though he knew it'd be impossible to wake Sirius now.

Lily looked down briefly as he spoke, hiding a blush, but leaned into James' kiss immediately, but her return was soft and careful, very much like Lily was. Her hand came up slowly to rest against his neck, inching closer.

Peter looked up at the mention of his name, mouth full with pastry or some other breakfast food, and swallowed it down quickly to reply. He nodded enthusiastically and shuffled closer to the bed in his chair, disrupting the crumbs that had gathered on his shirt onto the floor. "Okay, yeah, I'll try."

James broke the kiss and let out a shaky laugh. "Couldn't really explain it in words."  
He licked his lips, eyes flickering from her mouth to her eyes, his hand reaching up to brush through her soft hair.

Remus shifted, letting his fingers run through Sirius' hair. "Could say that I passed out somewhere on the grounds and woke up in here...simple and straightforward..."

Lily smiled and opened shining green eyes. "There are some things that don't require words, James," she said softly, moving one of her hands off of his shoulder to pick his up.

Peter gave a slight shrug and a nod. "Do you think maybe she's not asking because..." he pondered, leaning back slightly in his seat so he could glance her at the far end of the infirmary tending to a first year who'd broken their leg in a flying lesson a couple of days ago. He lowered his voice to continue, "she _knows_ it was us?"

"Good, 'cause I think I'd embarrass myself if I tried right now and you'd never kiss me again," he huffed another laugh, watching her take his hand in a state of dizzy euphoria.  
"This just feels like a dream," he admitted, and then cringed again. "_See_? Okay, I'm gonna shut up now."

Remus looked down. "Honestly, I think that's exactly the reason," he said softly, watching Sirius sleep simply for the sake of having somewhere to look.

Lily giggled. "I promise I'm not going to never kiss you again just because you say something stupid," she said, looking up at him.

"She's kind of nice, really, isn't she?" Peter added, staring at Sirius, too. "In a sort of scary, mum kind of way. Like, I'm terrified of her, but I do like her."

"Good," James sighed in relief. "Because I think I do it a lot. I seem to be going through an okay period right now, though, so maybe we should get all the sensible kisses in while we can?" He shifted closer again, smirking.

Remus ran a fingertip down Sirius' cheek gently. "She's become kind of like a mum to me...sometimes I think she's one of the only reasons I'm still alive." He'd found that it was easier to bluntly state things like this to Peter, who tended to just kind of accept and absorb what people said, often offering an opinion of his own.

Lily smirked. "Sensible? When has _the_ James Potter ever been sensible?" she teased, tilting her head to the side a bit.

"Yeah," he agreed simply. There had been several times, including that morning, when Remus surely would have bled out if Madam Pomfrey wasn't there to heal him up and medicate him. "So what happened this morning? You sort of looked... dead. We freaked out a bit."

James glared half-heartedly, unable to remove the delighted smile from his face. "Shut up and kiss me, woman," he demanded playfully, and pulled her in, laughing.

"I don't know what happened. I lost a hell of a lot of blood..."

"Bossy, bossy," Lily smiled, slipping one arm around his neck. She kissed him lightly, still smiling.

"You were fine when we got you back into the shack. It all sort of happened in the change back, but," Peter shrugged helplessly, "you know we can't get involved when you're doing that."

"This isn't a prank, is it?" He asked, kissing her softly between words, because if it was he was gonna make damn sure to get the most out of it before the pointing and laughing started.

Remus nodded a bit. "It was a punishment from...well, at least, that's what I'm speculating on. I'm not sure, though, because I can't really remember it." His voice was quiet, mulling over what he could remember.

"You're the prankster here, not me. Prefect, remember?" she murmured, running her fingers through his hair slowly. "I couldn't pull a prank even if I wanted to."

"_Punishment_? You mean, for...?" Peter repeated, a little horrified and nodded at Sirius.

"There are those who are stupid enough to try and prank the Marauders," James assured her, and gave a moment of thought to those poor second years, the last that had tried, who now all sported hats to cover their shoulder-length, puke-green hair. "And I think you're underestimating yourself, there, young Evans. You've James Potter for a boyfriend now, I think you could be taught a thing or two."

Remus gave a short, curt nod. "Yes, Peter," he said softly. "Just...don't say anything to him."

"Boyfriend? Glad you've decided that for me," she rolled her eyes, leaning back against the couch again and smirking openly at him. "Again, I'm a prefect. I'd really not want to mess that up."

"Why not?" Peter asked, because while he could sort of imagine what Sirius would do with that information, he wanted to hear Remus' view.

"Yeah, '_boyfriend_'," he said again, almost smugly. "Or were you just planning on using me for my body? Because let me tell you, _that_ is not Prefect behaviour. Also, it's really heartless."  
James watched her recline back into the couch and leaned over to press a kiss to her cheek as if to offer an incentive to the deal.

"It'll only upset him more," Remus murmured. "He already feels as if it's his fault, and I don't want to upset him any more."

Lily laughed a bit. "What happens behind closed, locked, and silenced doors is no business of anyone else's," she answered coolly. "I guess we'll see."

"It _is_ his fault, though," Peter said bluntly, not forgetting the way Sirius had treated him that morning. "But you're worried he'll abandon you if he thinks you're getting hurt because of him?" He was far from an idiot, Peter was just unfortunate to only ever show it when James and Sirius were elsewhere occupied.

"Hah!" James laughed, surprised and delighted by her wickedness. "Wow, so, what? You want to keep me as a closet-boyfriend? I guess I could go for that, as long as you keep me satiated behind those locked and silenced doors."

Remus smiled sadly. "It's partly my fault, though. I mean, when I'm happy, the wolf's angry, so..." he trailed off, shaking his head at Peter's wisdom.

She stood, straightened her top, and patted him lightly on the cheek. "I can keep you more than satisfied, Potter," Lily said sweetly, giving her best perfect-little-prefect smile and scooping up her books.

"He won't see it like that," Peter replied knowingly.

James grinned as he watched her get up, before catching up with the situation and jumping up.  
"Wait, where are you going?" he asked, picking up the quill that had rolled off her books, and held it out to her. "This could be the start of something beautiful, Evans, don't walk away now!"

"He already has," Remus answered softly, shrugging.

She smiled and set her books down, moving instead to stand in front of him. "You've yet to actually ask me to be in any sort of relationship, Potter, so maybe you ought to get on that," she said, kissing his cheek.

Peter returned the shrug, and they fell into silence, watching Sirius twitch in his sleep. "I can't believe how much he actually looks like a dog sometimes," he muttered, idly.

With that, James got down on one knee and offered up the quill, aiming for a proposal and ending up with a sort of knighting ceremony pose. "Lily Gertrude Potter," he began, raising his head momentarily to inform her that he was _'just taking a stab in the dark'_ at her middle name, "would you lower yourself to my humble standards and go out with me?"  
He kept his head down and his eyes on her shoes to make sure she didn't simply walk away on him.

Remus chuckled. "Sometimes, Prongs looks like a deer. When he's terrified and all that."

Lily rolled her eyes. "Good guess on the middle name. It'll be a stretch, but I think my standards can be lowered to just about your level." She tilted his chin back up with one hand and kissed each of his cheeks, taking her quill back in the process.

"Yeah, when he's around Lily," Peter agreed with a snigger.

James climbed up off his knees and relinquished the quill for the kisses. "How close with the name?" he asked skeptically. "Because if it _is_ Gertrude, that might be a deal breaker." He laughed cheekily.

Remus covered his mouth to hide his smile. "I knew there was a reason I liked you, Pete. Awfully sassy," he smiled, looking genuinely happy and amused.

"Ah, that information is for another day," she replied. "My middle name should not be a deal breaker." Lily's tone was teasing, showing she was kidding, and she smiled.

Peter tried not to grin with delight, and failed. "It is weird though, isn't it? The effect she has on him. He goes all crazy, like his brain's melted at the sight of her," he mused, voice thick with humour and confusion, and just a hint of jealousy.

"Seriously, though - that was definitely a yes, right?" he beamed, picking her books up for her, again in aid of sweetening the deal.

"Well, I think a lot of people do that. However, he acts like a lovesick puppy, which is more what you'd expect from me or Sirius- being, well, kind of...dogs in a way and all," Remus said, smiling as he stroked Sirius' hair out of his face with a featherlight touch.

Lily rolled her eyes. "Yes, James, that was definitely a yes."

Sirius squinted at the tickling touch and reached up to itch it in his sleep. "Yep, just like a dog," Peter nodded.

"Shit," James breathed, an incredulous half-smirk on his face as he stared blankly out at the commonroom. "I'm going out with Lily Evans."  
The sentence resounded in his head for a moment before the weight of the realisation apparently sank in, because the next thing he was climbing up onto the seat of the couch and yelling at the top of his voice. "I'm going out with Lily-fucking-Evans!"  
A fifth-year boy coming down from his dormitory muttered a 'good for you', to which James pointed a finger across the room to correct him. "No, mate, it's _great_ for me!"

Remus laughed softly. "Mother of fuck, I'm dating a dog."

Lily shook her head and hopped onto the couch in front of him, covering his mouth with her hand. "I think you ought to put that mouth of yours to better use," she commented.

Sirius groaned, the sound of Remus laughing seemingly pervading his sleep, and he raised his head, squinting sleepily. "You stopped scratching," he mumbled sadly, and looked over at Peter confusedly when the boy burst out laughing.

James nodded wide-eyed and prized her hand from his mouth. "I will, I just- Do you think I could go tell the lads first?" he pleaded, and gave a toothy smile that he thought was endearing.

Remus smiled. "I know I did," he said, letting his fingers stroke gently across the back of Sirius' head.

Lily cocked one eyebrow. "Go, go, but I'll be in the library if you take too long.

Sirius sat up straight and winced as his back cracked. "I should probably go to bed, he admitted, rubbing at his sore neck. "Looks like Pete's got this one covered, anyway."

James jumped down from the couch and offered a hand to guide Lily down after him. "I'll be back before you have time to even /consider/ the library. I'll be there and back in a flash!"

And with a farewell kiss on the hand, James dashed off out of the common room.

Remus shrugged a bit. "If you really want to go to bed, go for it," he said, tilting his head to the side a bit. "I know you're really tired."

Lily rolled her eyes. "You'd better not waste any time, Potter!" she called, but her smile was audible in her voice.


	15. Chapter 15

Sirius stood and stretched again, nodding. "I can come back at lunch and bring you something?"

James had already sprinted out of the portraithole before Lily had finished her sentence, skipping down flights of stairs and jogging across the castle to the hospital wing. Sirius had just finished patting Remus on the leg in a farewell gesture, when James skidded to a halt in the infirmary doorway, trainers screeching on the waxed floor. He doubled over, bracing himself on the doorframe to catch his breath and holding up a finger.

Remus nodded a bit. "If you want to."

As Sirius' hand left his leg, he reached out to let his fingers brush the other boy's, smiling slightly. He looked to James, who appeared to have something to say but couldn't quite catch his breath yet.

"Give me... a minute..." James panted, hobbling over to Remus bedside and hanging onto Sirius' shoulder for support. "It's important... just let me... _Fuck_."  
"You could make it a game of charades if you're struggling, mate?" Sirius suggested helpfully. "Bagsy not on Pete's team, though."  
James pointed a Serious finger at Sirius, but his grin only widened - no teasing could ruin this moment.  
He finally straightened after a moment and cleared his throat, before announcing in a commendably casual voice, "I'm going out with Lily Evans."

Remus chuckled a bit, and Peter smiled. "About time," Remus said, smirking up at James. His voice was stronger than it'd been even when James left, and held a tinge of sass.

"That's great, James," Peter grinned.

Sirius' eyes narrowed and mouth fell open, stunned into silence as the other two Marauders congratulated James.  
"How long was I bloody asleep for? Because Evans would never say yes to you _in a million years_. What did you do to her? Slip a Confusing Draught into her pumpkin juice?"  
"Is that how you got Moony to fall for you?" James shot back with an amused glare, earning him a shove and a scowl in return.  
"Naah, good on you, mate," Sirius conceeded a moment later with a genuine smile for his best friend. "You worked fucking hard enough for it."

Remus rolled his eyes at James' reply, but he was glad to see that Sirius was happy for James. He ran a hand through his hair, and stretched a bit. His shoulder popped and he frowned, putting his arm back by his side.

"I'm not even sure how it happened though, is the thing. I mean, I've asked her out _loads_ of times before and she's turned me down spectacularly every time." James pushed both hands into his hair and shook his head, grinning like a lunatic. "I didn't even ask this time!"  
"That'll be it, then," Sirius said, nodding wisely. "She didn't want to seem like she was surrendering to you, which, let's be honest, Prongs, would be humiliating for a girl like Evans. She wanted to bag you on her own terms."  
James slid one hand down from his hair to rub his face ponderingly. "I _think_ I get it..."  
Sirius planted a hand on his best friend's shoulder. "She's wearing the pants, mate," he explained slowly for James.

Remus grinned at Sirius' explanation, as did Peter. He glanced at Remus. "Told you," he said, and Remus nodded.

"That you did," he agreed. "Prongs, I'm afraid you're officially Mr. Evans."

Peter laughed out loud at this.

"What? No, I- shut up, Wormtail! /I/ am the pants-wearer!" James insisted with a whine and stuck two fingers up at Peter. "She wears flowy skirts and... And dresses! And I, alone, wear the pants!"

"Oh, mate," Sirius sighed apologetically and squeezed James' shoulder. "If Evans wanted you in a dress, she could snap her fingers and you'd be asking what colour suits you best."  
James shrugged Sirius' hand away, but his expression was a sort of dejectedly accepting one, like he'd come to terms with the fact that he had always been under Lily's thumb and was consoling himself with the knowledge that at least now he'd be getting some.

"The answer's red, of course. Right, Moony?" Sirius added, off-handedly, from where he'd perched on the edge of Remus' bed.

"_Obviously_," Remus said. "Red is so your color, Jamesy." His tone was obviously imitating Lily, and in turn teasing James. He was grinning, moving his foot to nudge Sirius' side playfully.

Peter just shook his head, smiling.

Sirius barked a laugh. "That is exactly what she sounds like!"  
"Funny. You're all hilarious," James deadpanned, folding his arms across his chest and nodding between Sirius and Remus. "Who's wearing the kecks in this, then?"  
"We both do," Sirius said defiantly with a narrowing of his eyes. "Except when we're not wearing any at all, of course."  
James scoffed. "That's not how it works. _One_ of you is in charge, and I'm wagering it's Moony."

Remus sat up slightly. "Neither of us is a woman, you twat. And neither of us is in charge. A relationship is a democracy, not a tyranny."

He didn't seem to be in nearly as much pain as before, and, thankful he'd remembered to give Madam Pomfrey a set of his clothes several days before, he reached for said clothes.

Peter seemed to be off in his own world, a bit of a dazed look on his face until Remus spoke again.

"By the way, your girlfriend is probably waiting for you, Prongs."

"You're making out like women are just always wearing the trousers-" James had begun, but Remus reminded him of Lily waiting and he decided to let it go. For the time being, anway. He resolved himself with postponing the debate by punching Sirius in the shoulder. "Yeah, good point. See you at lunch or something."  
"Agh, you dick," Sirius rubbed his arm and tried to kick James in the shin, but he'd already begun retreating out of the infirmary. "Good riddance!"  
Once he'd jogged away, Sirius turned to Remus, shifting slightly on the bed so that his knee brushed Remus' leg and talking over his shoulder to Peter. "Wormtail, if one of us was a woman, which one of us would be it?"

Peter cocked one eyebrow, looking a bit surprised at Sirius' question, while Remus just looked mildly amused.

"Well, that would depend. You're obsessive about your appearance, which is quite womanly, while Moony's pretty...I don't know, motherly sometimes. Keeps you and James in line and all. It depends on the situation and the sense of the term 'woman', I would think."

Remus smiled, looking to Sirius for his reply. He always liked it when Peter had something intelligent to say, and today he was full of them.

"I'm not obsessive. I'm just humbly aware," Sirius corrected with a shrug of nonchalance. "Anyway, it's not my fault I was born with this perfectly chiselled jawline and luscious hair. It's the curse of the Blacks, I'm afraid."  
He winked at Remus, touching the inside of his knee and smirking slightly.

Remus patted Sirius' cheek lightly. "Oh, yes, certainly a curse," he said sweetly, though he was being a bit sarcastic. Peter pretended to make a retching noise.

"You two are getting to be all cutesy like James. I'm going to go take a shower. I'll catch you later." With that, he got up and left the Hospital Wing. Remus just shook his head.

"I don't think we'll ever be as bad as James has been for the past year and a half or so."

Sirius let Peter leave with only a grumble of goodbye, his eyes never leaving Remus' face.  
"No," he agreed confidently. "But to be fair, that's probably because he wasn't getting any. Hopefully he'll stop waxing lyrical about the fucking _shade_ of her hair and how everything she does, including _breathing_, is perfect!"

Remus agreed with a smile, nodding a bit. "Do we really want to talk about James and his obsessiveness right now, though?"

Sirius shook his head slightly, small smile reflecting the one on Remus' lips, and then leaned forward to kiss them softly.  
"I really need to go sleep," he sighed apologetically against Remus' mouth, and pressed another kiss there, reluctant to stop now that he'd begun.

"I know," Remus breathed, letting his fingers find the fabric of the front of Sirius' shirt. He opened his mouth to Sirius quietly, his free hand finding the back of the other boy's neck.

Sirius kept his hands on the bed, afraid to touch Remus anywhere that he was hurt - which was everywhere - and kissed him lazily, until they broke apart naturally. Sirius rested their foreheads together and sighed.  
"Alright," he reached up and brushed his thumb against the fullness of Remus' bottom lip, smiling. "You get some sleep too."

Remus leaned into Sirius slightly as they broke apart, letting his hand rest on the other boy's thigh.

"I will," he sighed quietly. "You'll come back later, though, right?"

"Obviously." Sirius slid off the bed and stood staring at Remus for a long moment, before turning away finally with a dismissive wave of his hand. "Okay, later."  
He trapsed back to the tower and this time managed to kick off his shoes and trousers before climbing into the bed, head barely hitting the pillow before he was out like a light.  
He was disturbed around noon by the sound of James, apparently recounting to Peter the entire morning he'd spent with Lily. Sirius rubbed the heels of his hands into his eyes and sat up to see James slumped in the window with a lovesick smile on his face.  
"Evans not dumped you yet, then?" Sirius smirked, a little groggily, and threw the sheets back, rolling out of bed to avoid the pillow heading for his face.

Remus only shook his head as Sirius turned away, looking at hi hands. He knew, genuinely, that Sirius would obviously return at some point, but there was still that little voice in his head telling him that he wasn't good enough for Sirius.

Peter only laughed at the antics, shaking his head. "Well, I think that now that it's on Lily's terms, she'll be less likely to get disinterested," he commented knowingly.

"It's hardly been five hours!" James pointed out, a little dejectedly. "Merlin, you two are bloody supportive, aren't you?"  
"Really? _Five_ hours? Congratulations, mate. She must really be into you!" Sirius chuckled, patting James on the shoulder before dressing for lunch.  
Once suitable, Sirius led them down to the Great Hall, sighing when James spotted Lily along the Gryffindor table and marched straight towards her. He turned to Peter and rolled his eyes, before strolling over and sitting down opposite the happy couple.

Peter shrugged, showing that he didn't carry much opinion other than indifference to James' single-mindedness as they entered the Great Hall.

Lily glanced at James, but finished her conversation before turning her attention to the Marauders.

"Fancy seeing you here!" James grinned at Lily, and Sirius had to use all of his strength to hold back a groan, instead tucking into the sausages that where glistening on the tray in front of him.

"Wormtail, grab the plate from that space next to you," Sirius asked once James and Lily were distracted. "We'll start filling it up for Moony."

Lily rolled her eyes. "Potter, we're in the same school and it's lunch time. There's not many other places I'd have been."

Peter nodded, moving the plate next to him to between himself and Sirius. "Do you think he'll be all that hungry?" he asked, looking up at the other boy.

"Yeah, no, I know," James laughed awkwardly, reaching for the potatoes and almost dropping them. "So, uh, we're taking some lunch up for Moony, if you wanna come see him for a bit?"  
"I don't care if he is or not; he has to eat _something_," Sirius was saying to Peter as he scooped a bit of everything onto Remus' dish, when he snapped his head up to James. "_What_?" he asked loudly, but James wasn't taking his eyes from Lily's face, although his hand was wandering over to blindly grab a sausage, and Sirius had the urge to stab it with a fork.  
"I don't think he'll want to see anyone, Prongs," Sirius said firmly, and a little louder this time so that James finally turned to him. "Sorry, Evans."

Lily gave a bit of a smile to Sirius, trying to appear sympathetic and friendly. "No, I think I'll wait to see Remus until he's feeling better and is out of the hospital wing. He needs his friends, not some girl who doesn't actually mean a thing to him."

With that, she shrugged nonchalantly, and Peter glanced at Sirius. "Moony's stubborn; if he's not hungry enough, he's not going to eat anything," he muttered, beginning to eat from his plate.

Sirius blinked, shocked by Lily's polite refusal, and almost felt a twinge of something akin to possibly _liking_ her, before James' foot connected with his shin beneath the table. It was followed by a glare that Sirius returned a little more fiercely, and huffed as he continued to shove food onto the plate between himself and Peter. "Don't you think I _know_ he's stubborn?" Sirius snapped slightly. "He's gonna fucking eat some and like it."  
James had turned back to Lily. "You're not just some girl, you know? Moony really likes you." He lowered his voice and continued insistently. "He wouldn't tell just 'some girl who meant nothing to him' about his secret!"

Lily frowned at James when he glared at Sirius.

"We're still not all that close, and I'd rather he have time alone with his friends first, James. Too many people all at once could stress him out. Now, eat."

Peter just shrugged, falling silent and continuing to eat, albeit a little more forlornly.

"She said no," Sirius chimed in, not unpolitely, and James gave a conceding shrug.  
"Yeah, alright, but you guys should hang out more. You've got a lot in common; both Prefects, and... well, I'm sure there's other stuff, too," James managed to articulate between mouthfuls of his dinner, while Sirius unfolded a napkin and rested it on top of Remus' plate, to begin shovelling his own lunch down at a rate that was uncomfortable to watch. "Merlin, slow down, I'm getting indigestion just watching you."  
"Then don't watch me eat," Sirius snapped, swiping some mashed potato from the corner of his mouth with a thumb. "And would you hurry up, we should've been in the hospital wing five minutes ago. We've less than an hour before Potions."

Lily just shrugged quietly, looking a bit grateful for Sirius' interjection. She'd never been comfortable with muggle hospitals and, frankly, wizard hospitals and hospital wings made her a little more scared...after all, they were filled with magic she didn't understand yet.

Peter stayed quiet as he finished eating, listening to the conversation quietly. He couldn't help but be a bit annoyed by James and Sirius' bickering.

They ate the rest of their lunches in a hurried silence. Sirius finished first, dropping his fork and standing swiftly to pick up Remus' plate and raise an eyebrow at the other two Marauders that said 'hurry the fuck up _please_'. He couldn't be certain, but Sirius was sure that James took a pointedly long time to finish the half a sausage left on his plate, before clambering out of his seat.  
"See you in class later then," he told Lily, and with a last swig of his pumpkin juice, followed Sirius out of the hall.  
Once Peter had fallen into step alongside and could bear witness to the conversation about to unfold, James gave a loud, irritated sigh, glancing sidelong at Sirius with a frown. "You don't like her, do you?"

Lily nodded, not saying anything. She was still only half done with her lunch, electing to eat at a more logical pace than the Marauders had, given that she had nowhere to be.

Peter's eyebrows raised a mile high at James' question, shocked he would ask such a question at a time where they were supposed to be bringing their friend lunch and keeping him company before they were forced to go to Potions.

Sirius made a noise like a growl of frustration, his focus fixed ahead as the scaled the stairs, despite James' eyes burning into the side of his head. "Wormtail, did you grab any juice?" he asked, casually, readjusting his grip on the dish in his hands.  
"_Sirius_," James gritted out.  
"Look, what does it matter if I like her or not?" Sirius finally gave in. "You like her and she likes you back. Sorted. Don't need me and my feelings in on the matter-"  
"Yes, I do!" James exclaimed, exasperatedly. "That is exactly what I need! Do you know _why_, Sirius? Because we are _friiieeennddds_, and that is what friends _do_. Just like I need Peter's opinion and Remus' opinion-" He swung a hand out to grab Peter's shoulder and shake the boy at Sirius, to really get the point across.

"Yes, I did," Peter said under his breath, staring at the floor quietly. When James grabbed him, he made a sound of discontent. "Oi, Prongs. I've got a goblet of pumpkin juice, and if I spill it, it'll be all over you."

Peter rolled his eyes, looking at the ground once more when he was through speaking.

Sirius gave Peter a rare apologetic frown as James jostled him, almost spilling the goblet. "What's it going to _change_, is what I'm asking?" he pressed, paused at the foot of a staircase adjusting itself to their route. "What's it going to do for you to learn that I don't like her? Other than make you hate me?"  
Sirius finally turned to look James in the eye, and saw the hurt he'd caused there. "Exactly," he grumbled, and moved off up the stairs, leaving James staring after his best friend's back. "C'mon, Wormtail."

Peter said nothing, a bit of surprise showing through at what he thought was Sirius' admission of dislike toward Lily. He glanced sympathetically at James, but followed Sirius, wanting to go to at least bring Remus a drink to go with the lunch he probably wasn't going to eat.

Sirius paused as Peter caught up and continued their way across the castle to the hospital wing.

James turned and headed back down the stairs, more hurt than angry with Sirius. He wanted to go outside and smoke a cigarette, maybe two, but then remembered that he'd quit after overhearing Marlene McKinnon mention that Lily hated it.  
He groaned and chewed his thumbnail as a distraction, slouched outside the Great Hall in an attempt to catch Lily after dinner.

Peter walked beside Sirius in silence, electing to say nothing in case it would upset him in any way.

Lily eventually left the Great Hall alone, and when she saw James, stopped. "

"Why aren't you going to see Remus?" she asked.

When they reached the infirmary, Sirius took the goblet out of Peter's hands and marched towards Remus' bed. He placed it, along with the plate, onto the table with rather more force than was necessary and pushed it in front of Remus. "Eat," he ordered, and slumped down into the seat he had occupied earlier that morning to watch.

"Uh, needed some air?" James attempted lamely, and scratched a hand through his hair in that way he did when he was nervous or being untruthful. "Could we go somewhere to talk? Outside would be nice. With the air and all."

"I'm not hungry," Remus murmured, laying his book in his lap and looking at Sirius. Peter had slunk away after waving, muttering some kind of excuse about where he was going.

Lily frowned, but then nodded. "Sure, let's go outside. For the...air."

Sirius glanced over his shoulder as Peter left, and once he was definitely gone, turned back to Remus with a more pleading expression. "_Please_, eat," he tried again.

James shoved his hands into his pockets and led them out of the castle onto the front lawn, taking deep breaths of the fresh air to make his excuse seem viable, and who knew? Maybe it would clear his head a bit?  
"You like Sirius, don't you?" James asked finally, and as if it was impossible for anybody (not counting any of the Slytherins) to truly dislike him. "I mean, I know he can be loud and obnoxious, _incredibly _lewd, and -it's weird, because coming from a Pureblood family, you'd expect him to have _some_ manners- but, he's alright, really."

Remus shook his head. "I'm just not hungry," he repeated, his voice small. He looked down, twisting his slim, pale fingers in his lap quietly.

Lily shrugged a bit. "I agree that he is loud, obnoxious, and incredibly lewd, but may I remind you, Mr. Manners, that you, too are quite loud and obnoxious sometimes and you come from a pureblood family as well," she paused, then, hesitating to answer his actual question.

"I'm not sure how I feel toward Sirius," she said slowly. "There are times when I feel like he's got to be the most idiotic imbecile I've ever met."

She stopped, thinking, and continued again. "However, I've also seen how caring he can be, like that time you took a bludger to the head in fourth year and he landed immediately because you were hurt."

With a deep breath preceding her final statement, she spoke one last time. "I suppose I don't particularly dislike him. Certain things about him annoy me. But I do like him most of the time."

Sirius opened his mouth to retort, and then closed it again with a click of his teeth. He sighed heavily through his nose and leaned his head in his hand. "Fine."  
Exhausted with the monthly struggle of getting Remus to eat and regain his strength, and that hint of the wolf still left in his bones that made an argument out of it and nearly every little thing, Sirius simply stared out of the window.  
James was about to protest that while she may have been a little right, he wasn't nearly half as loud or obnoxious as Sirius, and possibly throw in a cheeky '_well what does that say about you?_', but Lily continued before he had chance.  
When she finished her speech, he gave a half-shrug. "Same. But I suppose that's how everyone feels about their brother," James gave a short laugh. "Do _not_ tell him I said that."

"I will have a bit of pumpkin juice, though," Remus said softly, glancing at the table. It was just out of his reach, so he didn't try to reach it. He watched Sirius, blinking at him quietly.

"Oh, I think I might have to tell him that," Lily teased. "It's hard to say how I feel about him; I don't really know him well enough. I think the longest conversation we had started something like, 'Oi, Evans, what's the answer to number six on the Transfiguration homework?' and ended after an argument about why he needed to do his own homework, and then he wore me down to give him the answer."

Sirius let a moment pass before pushing himself up out of the chair and handing Remus the goblet, albeit with a laborious sigh. He stood over the other boy while he drank his fill, and took it from him again when he was done.  
"I left out all the stuff you don't like, and put a piece of cake on the side," he muttered quickly and offhand, like it was no big deal and no thought or care whatsoever had gone into it. "But if you want to sit here and take twice as long to get better, y'know, be stubborn about it, then I could just dump it in the bin?"  
"Ah! You see?" James brightened a little at that, and wagged a knowing finger at Lily. "He's actually really good at Transfiguration, so he was probably just trying to be friendly! Sometimes, an argument with Sirius is just him reaching out to you."  
His own words seemed to sink in a beat after speaking, and James cocked his head to the side to consider them. "Hmm."

"Sirius..." Remus said softly, looking down. "Fine, I'll have something to eat." Sirius' statement made him feel awful- he was being nice, and Remus had basically negated the effort completely.

"You and Sirius had a fight," Lily murmured knowingly, watching him. "Or, rather, an argument."

"Thank you," Sirius sighed, and moved the plate over to the bed, sitting down on the edge beside Remus' knee, before pulling the napkin off. He smiled softly up at Remus and stole a carrot to nibble on.  
James shook himself out of his reverie and narrowed his eyes at Lily, skeptical but amused. "How do you _do_ that?" he laughed lightly, and then shook his head. "It wasn't really an argument, I just... I asked him something and I didn't like the answer. But I'm-"  
He scratched his head as if to appease it from all of the hard work. "You kind of helped me sort it out in my head. So, thanks."

Remus smiled gratefully, taking a carrot and munching on it quietly. He watched Sirius, blinking as he did.  
"You're welcome," Lily said, kissing his cheek gently. "Want to go sit by the lake?"

Sirius finished his carrot and rested his weight on his other hand, planted on the opposite side of Remus' legs. He toyed with the frayed edges of the Gryffindor blanket that Madam Pomfrey draped on top of Remus' sheets to help regain the body heat lost during a morning sprawled naked in the shack.

"James isn't here because he thinks I hate Lily," Sirius spat out finally, the empty chair at the foot of the bed where James usually sat looming behind him.

Remus touched Sirius' arm, looking up at him with large amber eyes. "Why does he think you hate Lily?" he asked softly, picking around at the food and eating bits of it here and there. He sighed softly, glancing at James' empty spot. "I mean, I know she's not your favorite, but last time I checked there was no hostility there..." His hand on Sirius' arm had begun to slowly, weakly massage his muscles, finding it easier to focus if his hands had something to do.

"Because I didn't answer him. And I may have implied that I didn't like her," Sirius shrugged and stared down at Remus' hands moving over him.

"I don't know, sometimes I do," he admitted a moment later, raking a hand back through his long hair in exasperation with himself and the apparent lack of ability to pin down emotions toward specific people. And specifically important people, too. "Sometimes I look at her and how he falls over himself to please her and I think, 'this is the bitch that made him look like an idiot for six years', you know? And I do hate her. But then..."

James grinned at her and took her hand in his own. "Yeah, I think there's time before Potions for a trip down the lake."

"Well, you made me hide for parties for two years," Remus pointed out goodnaturedly, attempting to lighten the mood, albeit slightly. "I get it, Sirius. I really do. I can see where Lily can sometimes be hard to get along with and all that. But I think once you get to know her better, you'll like her a bit better. Aside from attracting James' undivided attention, she's a fairly good person."

After a moments' pause while Remus studied him, he squinted a bit. "You're not jealous of her at all, are you?" he asked gently. "The way James drops everything, including us, to be with her?"

Lily smiled, holding out a hand to him as she looked up into his eyes.

"_I_ didn't _know_," Sirius protested, eyes flicking up to Remus' a little hurt. "She's known he's crazy about her since first year!"  
He returned to picking at the blanket, frowning down at it and groaning as Remus used the J-word. "_No_, what? No!" he grumbled. "Merlin, I knew you were gonna say that! Sure, it's dead annoying sometimes, but I'm not _jealous_."  
He grabbed the plate that Remus had stopped picking from and dumped it back onto the table, so as to get more comfortable on the edge of the bed. "The point I was making, when you tried to imply I was a possessive eleven-year-old _girl_, was that I don't hate her. Not all of the time, anyway. In fact, very rarely."

Remus reached for Sirius' hand. "Sorry," he said softly. "Why didn't you tell him that?"

He sat up a bit more, so that he and Sirius were more even.

"Because I didn't think it was important what I felt about her. _I_ wouldn't give a shit if nobody liked _you_," Sirius admitted, and then gave a short laugh. "In fact, my mother would fucking loathe you, and that thought actually quite delights me."  
"And anyway, like you said, she'll probably, I dunno... grow on me, or something," he shrugged.

Remus smiled. "Well, that's fine, then," he said softly.

"Your mother would loathe me..." he mused. "That doesn't surprise me much."

"I think my parents would like you. It'd be completely unsurprising to them that we were together."

"Well she loathes me, and I'm her son, and you're a-" Sirius caught himself in time and closed him mouth firmly before looking at Remus apologetically. "Male, for one."  
Sirius moved his hand from the frayed edge of the blanket to where Remus' lay on the bed, and rested his own beside it, not touching, as he imagined Remus' parents. He'd only ever seen Remus' father from across the platform one time, and liked to think that he looked like his mother, as the only thing he saw comparable in the two male's features was the nose.  
"You told them about me?" he asked, curiously.

"I talk about all my friends," Remus said quietly. "I guess I was kind of stuck on you, though... but I didn't tell them how I felt."

He thought about his parents for a moment, how he really shared all his features with his mother, but their biggest differences were the scars marring his skin that were nonexistent on either of his parents'.

"Are you going to, then? Tell them?" Sirius asked, because now that it crossed his mind, he liked the thought of being invited round to the Lupins', and sitting down and eating dinner with them, listening to stories of baby Remus, and all of the other little things.  
He tried to keep his mind off the contrasting reaction of the Blacks, and his mother in particular, whose head would explode at the crescendo of a screaming rant about mudbloods and Dark Creatures and that third word that she wouldn't even bring herself to _say_.

"I think I will," Remus said softly, looking up at Sirius with large eyes. "I think they'll be okay with it, y'know? I think Mum will be happy, actually, since they already know I'm...y'know."

His voice had dropped as he was speaking, his eyes growing a bit distant. He rather liked the idea of his parents accepting Sirius as a new part of their odd little family.

Sirius nodded and finally covered Remus' hand with his own. "I'd like to meet your mum," he smiled, rubbing circles across the skin of Remus' wrist. "Your dad, too, obviously, but... I dunno, just from what you've told, she sounds really nice. Like you."

"She is really nice," Remus murmured, smiling slightly. "So's my dad, though. He loves Quidditch. He's really glad I'm friends with people who're on the Gryffindor team."

There was nothing worse than having nothing in common with a girl's Father, except not having anything in common with Remus', but with five years experience as a Gryffindor Beater, Remus' words made him feel a little at ease. "Oh, good," Sirius laughed in relief. "Hey, maybe you should've gone out with James; he's planning to be the next star Chaser for England. Your dad would've loved that."

Remus made a retching sound, but he was smiling as he did. "I love James and all, but oh hell no," he said, shaking his head. He shrugged a little, smiling again. "That wouldn't happen, even if he did swing that way."

"Only got eyes for me, eh?" Sirius asked cheekily, a smirk on his face as he reclined a bit on the bed, leaning on his elbow over Remus' legs now.

"You know it," Remus teased back, pinching Sirius' cheek lightly. His smile seemed, for once, uninhibited, his eyes bright.

Sirius swatted at his hand, playfully. "Don't make me tie you down, Lupin, because Merlin-help-me, I _will_!"  
Just then, Madam Pomfrey's voice echoed from the other end of the room in her stern tone, but Sirius could have sworn he heard a smirk in there. "Mister Black, I will have _you_ tied down if you do not behave yourself and _get off_ Mister Lupin's bed."  
Sirius bit back a laugh and wiggled his eyebrows suggestively at Remus, before sliding off the bed and back into his chair.

"Trust me, Padfoot," Remus smiled. "You're not tying me down at all."

He rolled his eyes at Madam Pomfrey's chiding, shaking his head a bit. "Picky with her patients," he whispered, smirking.

"Even pickier when it comes to you, though. Don't deny it, she dotes on you like you're her own," Sirius tilted his head to see her at the far end of the infirmary and gave one of his dashing smiles when she caught him staring at her back and glared. He laughed, and turned back to Remus with a sigh.  
"I should probably head off soon. Don't want to, but some berk got himself put in the hospital wing and he's shit at Potions, so I have to take notes for him," Sirius grinned, and reached over to pinch one of Remus' toes, just because he could.

Remus smiled. "Well, I suppose you ought to to, then," he said quietly, "who am I to pull you away from academics?" He was smiling still, though, and reached for Sirius' hand. "Hopefully, she'll let me out before dark," he whispered.

Sirius stood up and drew Remus' hand in as he leaned down. "You have to actually rest and eat more than a handful of food if you're aiming for that goal," he chided lightly, and then pressed a kiss to his lips.  
"_I_ have to go and sit in awkward silence with James, in a dungeon, for an _hour_. So count yourself lucky when you're tucking into your double chocolate fudge slice," he huffed, but winked a moment later and then flapped a hand in goodbye and left.

Remus sighed and shook his head, but pulled the plate into his lap anyway. He picked around, rearranging the food into neat little piles.

Sirius arrived at the dingy classroom just as Slughorn was taking rising from his seat to begin the lesson, and spotted James and Peter in their usual position at a desk in the back row. James gave Sirius a glance and a small, timid smile before turning to face the front again.  
"Ah, Sirius! Come in and take a seat, come on, hurry now!" Slughorn insisted cheerily, and several heads turned to glance Sirius in the doorway. This was when he noticed the redhead in the front row, surprisingly free of a partner, and Sirius took it upon himself to extend the proverbial olive branch. Instead of plopping down on the corner of the Marauder's table, he stalked to the front of the class amidst the avid whispers, and dropped into the seat beside Lily Evans.


End file.
